Black Belt Patriotism: How to Reawaken America Review

Dear Readers,

I just finished reading Black Belt Patriotism: How to Reawaken America by Chuck Norris. It was pretty cool. Here are some of my Pros, Cons, and Comments about the book:

Pro: Chuck Norris can kick you really hard in the face! Ha ha ha. Seriously, though, doesn’t Chuck’s charisma, or at least the threat of a patented Chuck Norris roundhouse kick, motivate you to read Chuck’s book?

Con: Chuck Norris is kind of cheesy. Like Spam. You know what I mean?

Pro: There are pictures of Chuck Norris inside.

Con: The book has a not-so-secret agenda to help Mike Huckabee’s political career. It seems like every other page he praises Huckabee for some reason or another. I list that as a con because Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney are sworn enemies, and my loyalties lie with Mitt.

Pro: Chuck Norris is right on just about every issue he talks about. He says stuff like, “We’ve got to support our troops. Those guys are putting their lives on the line.” And “We need good men to do a good job at work and do a good job at home. That will make America stronger.” See, those generalities are true and great… but…. this leads us to our next con…

Con: those generalities are boring! I’ve already heard them from political candidates and from everybody, really. And who can disagree with them?

Pro: Chuck Norris has great intentions.

Con: Maybe the book is too broad. It gives a very shallow treatment of family life, American history, economics, etc. Maybe it would be more educational to read an entire book about economics, or an entire book about family life, or an entire book about Christianity, rather than a book that quickly treats all those subjects.

Pro: Quick and easy to read.

Con: Quick and easy to read.

Pro: Chuck Norris wants the readers to act by getting involved in the culture wars.

Con: Sometimes I felt like Chuck Norris was asking too much. He was always recommending books to read, causes to get involved with, and charities and conservative organizations to donate to. He even included a plug for Total Gym.

Pro: Did I mention that the pictures of Chuck Norris were in color?

Con: I’m not sure how to put this, but there’s something that bugs me about the televangelist type of Christianity that Chuck Norris subscribes to and advocates… um, he quoted a lot from the Bible, and he used the New International Version, and I prefer the King James Version, but I know that’s not a big deal… But I knew these two guys at Camp RaymondBoy Scout Camp, Joey Wilson and Gary somebody, who were both hardcore evangelical Christians. And the way they talked about Christianity and Christian doctrine bugged me sometimes because it felt really simplistic- they didn’t seem to wrestle with any big questions, they didn’t get doctrinal or deep, they didn’t explain everything to my satisfaction. They seemed to say, simply, Jesus died for my sins, I accepted him into my heart, and I’m going to Heaven, end of story, and that’s all they would say, over and over, and they would hear that same message over and over again every Sunday, and they listened to this Christian rock and Christian punk and Christian rap music that bugged me… it’s sort of anti-intellectual… but then again lots of people would say Mormonism is anti-intellectual… but I’m just trying to say that there’s something about Chuck Norris’ Protestantism in BlackBelt Patriotism that bugged me, and I can’t put my finger on it. I don’t know. Well, he kept endorsing all these current hip Christian pastors, and maybe I wished that he would have talked about Thomas S. Monson, or the Book of Mormon. I don’t know. I guess I should be celebrating Chuck Norris’ Christianity.

Comments: I feel like I didn’t learn anything new from reading BlackBelt Patriotism, really, except I got to know Chuck Norris a little more. And he’s a good man. A great man. And the country would be better off if there were more men like Chuck Norris. He is a model of masculinity that men should emulate. But my beef is that it was just a pallet of conservative talking points- smaller government is better, lower taxes are better, God should be put back in the schools, the private sector does things better than the public sector, school-choice is awesome, government isn’t the solution to our problems, Barack Obama is quiff, guns are awesome, the Founding Fathers were great, the Federal Reserve is lame, most politicians are out of touch with the common people, we need to vote honest conservative people into office… you know, all the stuff that conservatives already know. You can hear all that from anybody you’ll meet at a tea party. Maybe it would be better to read a book by someone more educated on the subjects they’re writing a book about. But then maybe if BlackBelt Patriotism was all educated and highfalutin it would lose some of its charm and appeal to the average citizen. Like doesn’t sound great when politicians say, “Now I didn’t go to any of those fancy schools to learn about all the mysterious of the economy, but to me it’s pretty simple- don’t spend more than you make. And I’ll admit that I haven’t read up on new trends in parenting, I’m usually too busy driving a truck and cleaning my guns, but I’ll tell you whut, if my kids disrespect their elders, they get a whoopin, ‘cause that’s what my daddy did to me, and I turned out pretty good, I can tell you that much.”

So, overall BlackBelt Patriotism was a pretty good book, but I don’t think I’ll pick it up again. I think I should give it to one of my little brothers, because it could serve as a primer for modern conservatism, and teenage males, you know, they all love Chuck Norris.

Sincerely,
Telemoonfa