Dr. Crazy's Mad Lab of Misfit Animals and other poems

Tell Me Mr. Owl, How Does Nature Operate?

Hey there, Mr. Owl,
what are you thinking about?
Are you thinking about me?
Well I’m thinking about you.
I’m thinking that you’re smart,
and I’m thinking that you’re wise.

I’m thinking that you’re thinking
about that butterfly, how he’s born,
how he lives, and, eventually, how he dies.

I’m thinking that you’re thinking
about the mysteries of the earth,
like how a rhino’s feet can
support the weight of his girth.

Or how a swarm of bees knows
how to get their pollen from lilacs,
tulips, and roses that have fallen.

So tell me Mr. Owl,
Do you know the answers?
Can you solve the nature’s puzzle?

Maybe you can connect the pieces,
but don’t want the answer to show,
because I’m little, and small,
and not ready to know.


Just Entertain Me

All I want is to be entertained,
not bullied, bothered, severely caned,
not annoyed, upset, or frustrated,
not flustered, not angered, not get my personality rated,
not beaten, not riled, not made into juice,
not executed, not burnt, not eaten by a goose.
So just entertain me.
Don’t make me study a bee.
I don’t care about that.
Just pull a white rabbit out of your hat
or turn a beautiful lady into a tiger
or show me a 14-legged spider,
but don’t bug me with math problems or dumb things like those.
Just show me a man with disfigured toes.
Turn on the TV, or the radio,
or build me a castle out of snow,
but just entertain me!


To Be Read by a Mystical Sunflower, with a Soothing Female Voice

Grasp on to your sense data and put it in your mouth.
Let it dissolve on your tongue and slip gently down down down into your soul.
Your sense data weaves around the obstacles until it fills fills fills your center.
Feel it… feel it… feel it…
Yes, you’re getting there… closer…
Yes… yes… feel it… feel it…
Two steps forward
One step back
Feel it…
Do you understand now?
Rinse, cycle, repeat.
The light mist deluges out and is sifted sifted sifted into motion… movement… consciousness awakening and our souls being drawn to the maple leaves lying softly on the forest floor…


TV

I fiddle with dials,
on my TV,
for my favorite show, the X-files.
I look at my clock,
on my big wall
I realize I missed Star Trek with Spock.
And to my dismay,
I think right then,
What about Whose Line is it Anyway?
I want to watch Bart
on the Simpsons
as I let out a big stinky fart.


Dr. Crazy’s Mad Lab of Misfit Animals

“Quack!” quacks the flaming flea.
“Bark!” barks the damaged dragon.
“Meow!” meows the gory goldfish.

MEOW DA QUACK PA BARK QUACK BA BARK MEOW BARK MEOW LA QUACK

Dr. Crazy pulls his hair, stabs a bear, flips a chair, SCREAMS,
“Noise noise noise- I can’t take the noise!
The noise the noise the noise-
I’ll stop the noise!
Slickity slickity slickity slice,
how do you like that little taste of my spice?”

“Groan,” groans the flea.
“Ouch,” ouches the dragon.
“Gargle,” gargles the goldfish.

Then… amidst the death,
The doctor mutters ‘neath his breath,
“Now it’s true, what I, the Mister Doctor said,
‘No more four-armed, flames-spitting, purple-eyed monkeys jumping on the bed!’”