AZ Gubernatorial People Doing Things

Dear Readers,

All these people are putting up signs that say vote for me for Governor for Arizona. And commercials too. Radio commercials, TV commercials…

people don't read position papers or political books or listen to long speeches and debates very much.

Anyway...

I’ve seen the signs and all these people want to be the governor.

Well, they put up the signs, anyway.

Well you know what I think about that? I like Dean Martin a lot and I like Buz Mills a lot, too. I kind of like Jan Brewer but I think she’s brewing up some bad brew-ha-ha. Brew-ha-ha like BIGGER TAXES!!

I think Dean Martin is very smart and he’s good at cutting taxes and cutting government spending. Too bad Dean Martin looks like a nerd. And too bad Dean Martin doesn’t have millions and millions of dollars to spend on his own campaign.

Buz Mills, on the other hand, doesn’t look nerdy. He looks really tough, in fact. And he has lots of money to spend on his campaign.

But then again, maybe Dean Martin would be a better Governor. He seems like a solid guy.

Too bad Jan Brewer will probably win. That’s what the polls say, anyway.

But I don’t think Brewer’s a real conservative. I think she only signed SB 1070 into law because the polls said that that’s what she needed to do to get re-elected. But really deep down inside Jan Brewer, deep within the darkness of Jan Brewer’s thumping heart, there lies a cheerleading, country-club republican!!!

But who should I vote for? Buz Mills or Dean Martin?

If only Buz Mills and Dean Martin would agree to become conjoined twins… then they could both run as one candidate, you know? Then I could vote for them/him.

They/he could blend their names, too. They/he could be known as Duz Milton.

The surgery would only be a little bit of a snip snip snip and a little bit of stitch stitch stich.

Or maybe Buz Mills and Dean Martin could undergo a metaphysical mind-meld. And then once their minds are melded, it would be like a blob of mind floating around, you know?

Then the blob of mind would descend upon an attractive corpse. Then the corpse would come to life and we could call it Duz Milton and we could vote for the corpse, you know what I mean? Then the corpse would lead Arizona into a bright new future of utopia. We would all feel wonderful all the time. It would all be just like John Lennon's "Imagine" song, except less hippie. And here's the best part: with Duz Milton at the helm, celestial exhaltation would be guaranteed to all.

Vote DUZ MILTON!

Sincerely,
Telemoonfa