Dear Readers,
Since my recent dabbling in animal rights activism, (see my last two posts) I have adopted for myself a new life-statement: Telemoonfa: making animals everywhere more comfortable since May 26th 2009!
As a natural outgrowth of my new-found animal rights advocacy, I’ve just discovered that one of our American “heroes”, someone we “revere” and “look up to” and “name our sons after” was actually very sucky.
I speak of Thomas Edison.
Right now you’re probably thinking that Thomas Edison was great, right? You’re probably thinking that Thomas Edison was the renowned inventor of the phonograph, the light bulb, the motion picture camera, and many other things.
Oh contrare monfrare!
Edison’s contributions to modern technology in no way make up for the torture and cruelty he inflicted on our feline friends.
Edison hated cats.
In fact, Edison was such a felinegynist (one who harbors severe mistrust or hatred of cats) that he wanted them all to die!
And the historical record shows that Edison tried to exterminate them all from the planet by making cats engage in a grueling series of cruel boxing matches.
That makes Thomas Edison pretty much exactly like Adolf Hitler.
In fact, I have it from very good authority (PETA) that Edison once attempted to pry a purring kitten from the lap of a lonely grandmother, just so he could enter the kitten into a barbaric boxing competition! Luckily valiant PETA volunteers were there to stop Mr. Edison from achieving his dastardly aim, and the kitten was saved.
But the cat-hating Edison persisted in his treacherous enterprise. Instead of going after household cats, he went after the most disenfranchised felines of all- alley cats- the furry four-footed transients we all see but ignore! (and whose plight has been exploited by such greedy Broadway tycoons as Andrew Lloyd Weber. Shame on him!)
Without any government regulations to prevent Edison from doing so, and with the entire membership of PETA busied by their annual falafel eat-a-thon, Thomas Edison gathered up two cats from the streets, strapped miniature cat-sized boxing gloves to their front paws, and made them fight!
Luckily, evidence of Edison’s felinegyny has survived, so now the public can know what this man was really like!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qre61opE_g&feature=channel
The truth will set you free.
Sincerely,
Telemoonfa
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3 comments:
Edison also electrocuted a dangerous elephant. But maybe that was okay because the elephant was dangerous to people.
The Boid
I hate cats. Animals are pretty much dumb.
Unless they are animated and have feelings. like Dory, from Finding Nemo.
I love your comments, Sparrow.
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