The Hollow Earth Theory

Dear Readers,

Right now I’m in the NAU library procrastinating homework and I’m reading about the Hollow Earth Theory and the Flat Earth Society and some other cool stuff on the Internet.

The Hollow Earth Theory might be real. I think the Ten Lost Tribes might be down there. Maybe giants are down there, too. And maybe a little sun is down there, inside the Earth, so that the people can have light, or maybe they get their light from the leftover glowing stones from the Brother of Jared days, but now they are like super-magnified in brightness. And whenever they want to go night-night they just cover up the stones. And they’re peaceful people. They never fight over the glowing stones. Their government is truthful and love. And down there inside the Earth gravity gets all switched around, too, you know? Because of magnets and faith. Some people think that’s where flying saucers come from.

And the Doctrine and Covenants says that the prophet of the lost ten tribes will smite the rocks and the ice will flow down (trickle trickle trickle, flow flow flow… I’m seeing it now in a vision… it's kind of like when glaciers melt, but there's gamma rays, too.) in the lands of the North! (D + C 133:26) That could mean that the Ten Lost Tribes are going to poke a hole near the North Pole and come out of there. Of course by now they have leathery green skin, and their eyes are bigger than they used to be, and their hands are perpetually moist. Maybe when they come they’ll be carrying the Ark of the Covenant with them! I hope so.

Then there’s that verse somewhere that says that the way the Ten Lost Tribes will return will be more stunning than when Moses parted the Red Sea. Whatever is going to happen in the end of days, it’s clear that something really really really cool is going to happen. Hopefully we’ll see it before we die. We might get hit by a rock, or exploded by a volcano. Because around Armageddon time, lots of rocks are just going to fly everywhere, (bam bam bam!) and volcanoes will go boom boom.

Anyway, whether it’s real or not, the Hollow Earth Theory is way more exciting than the widely-accepted Solid Earth Theory. And some people take it really seriously. Like Rodney Cluff. And me. I'm not trying to make fun of it because just like there could have been a leprechaun behind that tree the other day, (there really could have been!) there could be a hole in the top of the world (there really could be!) that leads to a wonderful land and the aurora borealis comes out of that thing too and a guy named Admiral Byrd made a trip to the North Pole a long time ago but the government tried to hush the whole thing up.

But I don’t think the earth is flat.

I think that the people who think the earth is really flat are weird. Like are they just joking or crazy or what?

I read part of the flat earth society forum and it has this frequently asked questions for newcomers, and here’s one of the questions and answers:

Q: "What's underneath the Earth?" aka "What's on the bottom?" aka "What's on the other side?"

A: This is unknown. Some believe it to be just rocks, while others believe the Earth rests on the back of four elephants and a turtle.

I don’t know what to say anymore.

Sincerely,
Telemoonfa