Avoiding Absolutes

Dear Readers,

When I’m grading English papers, one piece of advice I often give my students is, “avoid absolutes.” I tell them to be careful about using words like, “always,” “never,” “everybody,” “nobody,” and so on. Students shouldn’t write stuff like, “Everybody knows who Miley Cyrus is,” in an academic paper, because that’s not literally true. What they mean to say would be something like, “Many American teenage girls know who Miley Cyrus is.”

People use absolutes in their everyday speech a lot, and I think that’s why people end up writing that way. (Because oral language is primary and written language is secondary; written language is a reflection of spoken language. Written language changes interestingly imitate spoken language changes.)

How often have you heard people say, “That was the worst day of my life,” after a bad day? Well, was it really the absolute worst day of his or her life? Probably not. Or there’s other times when people say, “That was the best hamburger I’ve ever had in my whole entire life. I’m not even kidding.” That’s probably also not literally true. The person is exaggerating.

Here’s another example. “People talk or text on their cell phones all the time.” That statement is not literally true. Sometimes people sleep, and they do not use their cell phones while they sleep.

Now I have some of what I think is God’s advice on avoiding absolutes and speaking honestly.

I think Jesus talks about avoiding absolutes, or at least he recommends making our language simple and not-melodramatic, in the Sermon on the Mount, in Matthew 5:33-37.

“33. Again, ye have heard that it hath been said by them of old time, Thou shalt not forswear thyself, but shalt perform unto the Lord thine oaths:
34. But I say unto you, Swear not at all; neither by heaven; for it is God’s throne:
35. Nor by the earth; for it is his footstool: neither by Jerusalem; for it is the city of the great King.
36. Neither shalt thou swear by thy head, because thou canst no make one hair white or black.
37.But let your communication be Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.”

I really like that last part, “let your communication by Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.” I interpret that scripture to mean maybe,

1) Don’t take the Lord’s name in vain.

2) Don’t get in the habit of saying “I swear by…” .

3) If you establish yourself as a credible, honest person, then people will believe you when you say simply, “I didn’t take the cookie from the cookie jar.” You don’t have to say, “I absolutely positively did not take the cookie from the cookie jar. Seriously. I promise promise promise you with 100% certainty- cross my heart hope to die stick a needle in my eye- I did not take the cookie from the cookie jar!”

There’s also Matthew 15:11 “Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man.” That’s when Scribes and Pharisees were criticizing Jesus for letting his disciples eat with unwashed hands, which some people thought broke the law of Moses.

There’s also the ninth commandment in Exodus 20:16: “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.”

From these and other scriptures, it is clear that God has given us advice/commandments on using language well.

But aside from restricting us from using certain words, aside from saying, “Thou shalt not…” God and inspired prophets have also provided us with good examples of how to use language well. Angels have always been well-spoken. I am reminded of Oliver Cowdery’s description of John the Baptist giving Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdery the Aaronic Priesthood: (From the Joseph Smith History in the Pearl of Great Price)

“I shall not attempt to paint to you the feelings of this heart, nor the majestic beauty and glory which surrounded us on this occasion; but you will believe me when I say, that earth, nor men, with the eloquence of time, cannot begin to clothe language in as interesting and sublime a manner as this holy personage.”

That means that angels are better writers than Shakespeare was. Right?

Sincerely,
Telemoonfa