Telemoonfa Just Got Birther-er!

Dear Readers,

I think I’m really a birther now!

Boy oh boy, I just keep delving further and further into wacky conservative territory, the land on the far-far-far right side of the map.

I used to think that the birthers - those who question Barack Obama’s eligibility to serve as President because he wasn’t really born in America and the US Constitution says that you have to be a “natural born citizen”- I used to think those people were crazy.

And I used to think that in order to really be taken seriously in the political arena, and in order to really get anything done, you had to distance yourself from the loony fringy people; I thought you had to denounce the birthers as heretics.

Well, I still sort of think that. And if I ever run for public office, I'll probably erase this blog post and deny ever being a birther, and I'll probably deny having any sort of connection with anyone who had anything to do with birthers, and in fact I'm denying my own birther status now... I'm not a birther. I'm sensible, and bipartisan. If I ever run for public office, I'll probably say something like, "I was not aware of any kind of group who questions Obama's eligibility, but I do encourage the people to exercise their right to stand up and let their voices be heard, and that's why I'm running for _______________ (insert public office title here) because I want to stand up against all that does not sparkle."

But now I’m seeing the birthers in a different light. Well, I don’t know any of them personally, but I did see a guy at a Tea Party who was holding a sign that said, “Where’s the birth certificate?” So I guess he was a birther. And I guess I “met” him. We didn’t say anything to each other, but he seemed nice.

I’m having second thoughts about birthers mostly because they’re gaining political power. As many of you know, the so-called “birther bill” passed in the Arizona House of Representatives 31 to 22 recently. (But it wasn’t a formal vote- I don’t get it.)

But 31 to 22! 31 Arizona representatives thought the birther bill was a great idea!

Now, you know as well as I do that the government isn’t made up of far-right crazies. People who launch political campaigns and win are well-groomed, socially acceptable people. Or they can at least act well-groomed and socially acceptable during the campaign. The Arizona legislators, unlike the conspiracy theorist stereotype, aren’t pale guys living in their mother’s basements. The members of the Arizona House of Representatives are very normal, sensible people.

And they passed the birther bill!

So maybe this birther conspiracy theory isn’t so crazy after all.

Remember, global warming skeptics were once viewed as being as crazy as the birthers. But now that more evidence is coming out, global warming skeptics aren’t so lonely anymore. There’s lots of ‘em!

By the way, I nearly got sick on Earth Day at the public middle school where I work. Of course there are recycle bins everywhere, and there’s an environmental club there, and the principal (who is a great Catholic and who likes the Beatles and who likes to golf) said over the intercom during morning announcements, “The environmental club would like to remind you to tell your parents to use reusable bags at the grocery store. Many stores give you 5 cents off your bill per bag for every reusable bag you use, every time you use those bags. Use reusable grocery bags. Save money, and save the earth.”

I actually make it a point not to recycle in my classroom. And when I’m in the office, and I mess up on making photocopies, and I see the brown trash bin and the green or blue recycle bin, both within arm's reach… I THROW THE PAPER IN THE TRASH CAN!!!

Ha ha ha.

I remember one time in English 105: Critical Reading and Writing in the University Community, my class was having a discussion about morality and stuff, and one guy said, “I think I’m a pretty good person. Like, I’m not going to litter on purpose, or like, purposefully not recycle…” and so the touchstone for morality for this guy was whether or not someone litters or recycles.

Anywho...

Just like the ranks of the global warming deniers are growing, the birther ranks are growing. Hey, there’s at least 31 of them in the Arizona House of Representatives!

The fact is, Barack Obama has a mysterious past and a lot of sealed records.

We need Aslan, the Lion from The Chronicles of Narnia, to swim across the Pacific, and go to Hawaii. Then Aslan needs to chomp off the Hawaiian Governor’s head. Then Aslan needs to join forces with Orly Taitz to shine a light on the secret Government files, (It can be just like the X-Files) and then we’ll finally know for sure where Barack Obama was born.

I’m speaking metaphorically, by the way. I don't really want Aslan to chomp off anyone's head. That would be illegal.

Sincerely,
Telemoonfa