Dear Readers,
It's an exciting time to be an Arizonan. It's even more exciting to be a conservative in Arizona!
Some good conservative things are being done in my home state, specifically in the areas of second ammendment rights, illegal immigration and verifying the natural-born status of our President.
GUNS
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100416/ap_on_re_us/us_xgr_concealed_weapons_arizona
Pretty soon in Arizona you're not going to need a concealed weapon permit to have a concealed weapon! Arizona joins Alaska and Vermont in adopting the "constitutional carry."
So tuck them guns away, boys, and burn up them government permits!
Woo-hoo!
ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION
http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE63I6TU20100419
A tougher law on illegal immigration might be signed into law by Governer Brewer pretty soon. I'm all for human rights, and I have compassion on those who are just seeking a better life for their families by coming to America to work.
But we really need to curtail illegal immigration because it causes a lot of problems.
(Sheesh, what an understatement that was!)
OBAMA'S BIRTH STATUS
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2010/04/20/2010-04-20_birther_bill_in_arizona_aimed_to_make_president_obama_prove_hes_a_natural_born_c.html
A bill is working its way through the Arizona Congress that would require candidates to provide proof of natural born status before they can get on the ballot. If the "birther bill" passes, then Obama will have to provide his original long form birth certificate to the Arizona secretary of state. I think that's the way it works, anyway.
I really hope the bill passes. Not because I don't think that Obama was born in Hawaii, (I tend to believe that Obama is a natural born citizen) but I hope the bill passes for the political entertainment that will ensue.
If it passes, I really want to see what happens.
Won't it be crazy if the bill passes, and then in 2012 when Obama tries to campaign in Arizona, he can't, because his name isn't even on the ballot? I suppose Obama could say, "Just write my name in," but that's dumb. He wouldn't do that.
I wonder if Obama will even bother campaigning in Arizona in 2012. I don't think he has much of a chance of beating a Republican here, especially with the way the polls are going.
Ha! If the bill becomes law, I could picture Obama saying, "You know what, if Arizona is going to be so backward that they're going to waste taxpayer money and valuable legislative time to, as they put it, 'verify my eligiblity,' when I have already laid these issues to rest, then I won't even campaign in Arizona. I shouldn't have to stoop to these immature levels. I'm above such things. Let's move on with hope and transparancey and change and wonderfulness and look deep into my eyes while I talk to you..."
And then the birthers will say, "See! We told you, America! Obama is not a natural born citizen!"
And then the Obama zombies will say, "Oh yes, Obama, you shouldn't have to prove your citizenship. You're the mighty Obama! We're sorry we questioned you!"
But really, if the birther bill passes, and then if Obama refuses to present his super-duper geniune birth certificate to the Arizona government, won't that be a huge boost to the birther movement? I know I'd join the birther ranks!
I wish Obama would just post his super-duper official birth certificate on the Internet. (I know he posted one, but it was only his almost-official birth certificate, not the super-duper official one.)
Or I wish Obama would say something like, "Look, I don't have my super-duper official long form birth certificate anymore. My Mom lost it. And the government house of records in Hawaii that had the other copy of my super-duper official long form birth certificate burnt down."
But he hasn't said anything like that. I wish he would give some clear answers.
But Obama doesn't give clear answers. Instead he just ignores the issue or says stuff like, "Of course I'm a natural born citizen. Let me clear up any confusion. I am now assuring you with my words, with my word of honor, that I am qualified to hold the office that I now hold. Be assured that the proper authorities have seen to it that I am not a counterfit President."
Yeah, Obama says, "These citizenship issues have already been resolved," just like he says, "The science behind climate change is settled."
And check this out: According to this article in World Net Daily, Obama has spent "hundreds of thousands of dollars to avoid releasing a state birth certificate that would put to rest all of the questions."
Hmmm... OK, I just read some stuff on Wikipedia and Snopes, and it seems like Obama was really born in Hawaii.
Oh wait, now I just read some other stuff, and it seems like Obama was born in Kenya.
OK, OK, most everybody else is saying that Obama was born in Hawaii, so, you know what? There are more important things to think about, so... I'll just say that he was born in Hawaii, OK?
OK, now that that's settled, I don't have to think about it anymore. And now my neighbors won't think I'm crazy, now that I'm certain that Obama is a natural born citizen of the United States.
Hmm... It really is better for my social life if I just believe that Obama was born in Hawaii.
Here I am believing... here I am believing...
Look! I see people! People smiling, and coming towards me!
They want to be my friends!
They are two men, and their names are Hal and Patrick. I've made more friends already!
Hello Hal!
Hello Patrick!
Boy, Hal and Patrick, isn't it great to be sure that Obama is a natural born citizen? Gosh, it just makes me feel swell. By the way, I like cars that go fast, and how about those television programs?
Hal and Patrick, I like objectifying women, especially the really pretty ones, what about you?
Yep, I sure do enjoy looking at cars that go fast. In fact I would like to drive a very fast car one day. One of the red ones. And I enjoy entertaining programs that come on the television set as well, as do you fine gentlemen. And we all enjoy the appearances of female supermodels, don't we?
Boy, Hal and Patrick, I sure am sure that Obama was born in Hawaii. And, Hal and Patrick, I sure am sure that there are no issues at all about how maybe our true-blue President didn't ever release his very official long-form birth certificate. See, I don't worry about that issue just because we're all so sure about where Obama was born.
There's no reason to be upset, because we're all so certain about that issue. We don't have the proof about Obama's citizenship, but who needs proof when you have blissful certainty?
Hey, Hal? Where are going?
Patrick, Patrick?
Don't leave me Patrick! Come back!!! Please!!! Come back!!!
Why won't you stay?
Hal and Patrick, come back to me.
Well, Hal and Patrick are gone. I bet you scared them away, reader.
OK, let's just say that Obama was really really really born in Hawaii. But still, Hawaii, you know, is like, borderline America.
Think about it. Hawaii was the last state admitted to the Union, it's really far away from the rest of us, there's a bunch of people there that surf and eat spam and smoke pot all day, they have a strange culture... wouldn't you feel more comfortable with a President from Texas, the heartland of the United States? Wouldn't you feel more comfortable with a President who knew how to square dance rather than hula dance?
Or wouldn't you rather have a President be born in Pennsylvania? I mean, Pennsylvania was one of the original 13 colonies; it's got a cracked liberty bell and Johnny Appleseed and Paul Bunyan lived there, too.
But Hawaii, um... the jury's still out on whether or not Hawaii is really truly American.
Seriously...
Whether or not Obama is a natural born citizen, I see the birther movement as just one expression of the general mistrust of our President. A lot of people don't like what he's doing. A lot of people know that Obama lies. He said he would put the whole health care debate thing on CSPAN, and he said he would make sure that everybody had a chance to read the health care bill before they voted on it. Those were lies.
And remember Mr. Obama, when I sort of thanked you for allowing us to drill, baby, drill? Well, I take my thanks back, because now I think that you really won't let us drill for oil domestically. I think it was all a trick! You seem bent on making America weaker!
Well I for one am going to do something about it! I'm going to pound these exclamation marks into my keyboard:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And now I'm going to make some more exclamation marks, but this time they're gonna be bold!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You think you've had enough? Well, you ain't seen nothing yet! Because this time I'm going to write even more bold exclamation marks, that are in a bigger font!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Had enough, yet, Mr. Obama? Or should I break out the font color change? You want me to go all red on you? OK, here goes:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Take that!
Sincerely,
Telemoonfa
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