JD HAYWORTH!!! (and Jim Deakin) (and sparkle)

Dear Readers,

I would like to take this opportunity to officially announce Telemoonfa’s endorsement of JD Hayworth.

TELEMOONFA ENDORSES JD HAYWORTH FOR U.S. SENATE.

There. All capitalized means official.

Perhaps some of you are wondering why I’m not supporting Jim Deakin. He’s another conservative Republican running against John McCain for U.S. Senate from Arizona. Well, Jim seems like a really honest man, and he seems really conservative, and he seems like a nice guy.

But…

You know what Jim’s problem is?

He doesn’t sling enough mud.

And he’s not slick. Politicians have to be slick.

And remember the wise words of Osama Bin Laden: “When people see a strong horse and a weak horse, by nature they will like the strong horse.” JD Hayworth is a strong horse, and Jim Deakin is a weak horse.

Not that we should be taking advice from Osama, but still…

Now, I know it’s a shame that practically dictates that we have to abandon good honest politicians like Jim Deakin and idealistic third-party candidates, but that’s the way the cookie crumbles.

Who knows, it may be that Jim Deakin would turn out to be a better Senator than JD Hayworth will be when he gets elected, but say lah vee, we need to support JD Hayworth, because Jim Deakin does not have a good enough chance at winning. So I think Jim really ought to step aside and campaign for JD Hayworth.

Plus Jim Deakin doesn't sparkle, and JD Hayworth does sparkle.

And if there's one political mantra I live by, it is this one:

There is no substitute for sparkle.

And remember The Sparkle Song, sung to the tune of Yankee Doodle Dandy:

I'm a sparkle sparkle dandy

A sparkle sparkle little spark

I wanna sparkle all the sparkles now

Sparkle the Fourth of July!

The Declaration of Independence

Has a lot of sparkle in it,

I love the bald eagle and my country too

Sparkle sparkle sparkle sparkle

(next 4 lines chanted. Triangles and rhythm sticks are encouraged.)

Sparkle, sparkle, that's what we need!

Sparkle, sparkle, for the U.S.A.!

Sparkle, sparkle, we want the sparkle,

sparkle, sparkle, And America can shine!!!

Sincerely,

Telemoonfa