LTTP – Afterthoughts/reflectionaries (in which I comment upon, reflectify and expliananate the LTTP (Letters to the President) series.)

Dear Readers,

OK I think I’m done writing letters to the President for a little while.

So when you write an email to the president, at this place that the link right now is leading you to the right place where I made the letters go to the President if you click on it, you have to say whether your message is a policy comment or a non-policy comment. If it’s a policy comment, then another drop-down column thing pops up, then it has you categorize it, and then if it’s a non-policy comment then a different drop-down column thing pops up, then it has you categorize it.

You know, if your comment is about health care, you put it in the health care category.

Well, I decided to write a letter on each category, and see what kind of form letter I get back. I think it will be neat to collect the form letters that get sent back on each subject. And then it would be cool to do the same thing when Mitt Romney is President in 2013, and compare both administrations' form letters.

The categories were “Iraq,” “Immigration” etc… and one of the categories is “Housing.” I don’t get it. What are you supposed to say to the President about housing? So I didn’t write a letter for that category. But I did for all the rest of them, as you can see from my previous posts.

Moving on, I’d like to say a few words concerning some of my extreme comments that have generated some more extreme comments.

"a few words concerning some of my extreme comments that have generated some more extreme comments."

Ha ha ha j/k lol ... that was a dumb joke if you got the joke then you know that it was dumb...

Seriously, though, I don’t agree with everything I wrote to the President. Some of my comments were so extreme! Like, for example, these three things I wrote and actually sent to the Commander in Chief:

1] Saying we ought to put Christian prayer back in public schools.

2] Asking special permission from the President to hunt endangered species

3] Pointing out that both Barack Obama and his dog Bo are black.

To address each of these comments in order…

1] I’m not sure that we should put Christian prayer back in public schools. I was just exaggerating. That's how negotiation works you know? You start with high demands, you ask for more than you really want, and then you slowly concede some of your demands as you compromise. So, if I say that I want Christian public prayer back in school, then maybe they won’t take away kids' freedom to wear crosses or maybe they won't ban Christian clubs. If I say that I want all schools to display dozens of giant banners saying, “Merry Christmas” all around their campuses for the entire month of December, well, then, maybe they won’t discipline teachers for saying “Merry Christmas” to their students. See how extremism works?

2] Let me go hunting for endangered animals. Ha ha ha. That’s messed up! What kind of sick freak would want to go killing endangered species? I’m sure if I really did kill an animal, (like a big furry cuddly one, not a little cricket) I’d cry, lose my appetite, be unable to sleep, and write a poem expressing my remorse for cruelly taking the life of a majestic and beautiful living creature.

But it does bother me when the government says that someone can’t build a building on some land because of some three-toed bird or something living there. And it bothers me when loggers can’t cut down trees because of some spotted owl.

See, part of what I’m trying to do with Telemoonfa Time, here, is to undo all the psychological and political damage inflicted on my generation by Bambi, and Ferngully: the Last Rainforest, and the milieu of politically correct, liberal, environmentally-friendliness being bombarded on us constantly. And sometimes in my battle against the liberal darkness I overcompensate. I exaggerate.

3] I wonder if Barack Obama got a black dog because Obama’s into black power. I wonder if Obama particularly wanted the First Dog to be a minority of the ebony persuasion. I mean, dogs come in lots of colors. He could have gotten a brown dog. Or a white dog. Why did he get a black one? Thoughts like these, thoughts about the signifigance of the President's dog selection, are small, but "They do have meaning. They're strong as rocks." (from the poem Today by Frank O'Hara)

Or maybe the President and the President’s dog both being black is a coincidence. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Whether there is any meaning to be found in the colorful similarity of Bo's fur and Obama's skin, I don't know. But I thought it was funny to point it out. And it might be racist to point it out, too, but I’m not sure how. Pointing it out feels wrong somehow, but I don’t know why.

Moving on…

I’m scared that these letters will come back to haunt me someday if I run for political office. I’m worried that these letters will be put in some special database for the enemies of the President. I might be put on some government watch list…

oh well.

I live dangerously!

I haven’t any gotten responses back yet. I thought the responses came quicker last time. Maybe I got put on a “crazy” list, or maybe they stopped reading my letters after they sensed that they weren’t all genuine. Or maybe there's a five letters-per-week limit I didn't know about.

And maybe those black cars with the tinted windows driving up and down my street right now are SECRET SNEAKY PEOPLE FROM THE GOVERNMENT COMING TO TAKE MY GUNS! Oh, but I forgot. I don’t actually have guns. See how I get carried away in my blog alter-ego? It really is bad. In real life, I really am funny and compassionate and friendly.

And I bet people who briefly meet me think that I’m a liberal. Just look at the facts:

I teach at a public middle school.
I have shaggy unkempt hair.
I ride a bicycle to work.
I’m under 30.
I like Bob Marley and Bob Dylan.
I majored in drama and English at college.
I wear glasses with thick black rims.
I listen to an iPod frequently
I look like a Jew.

See, don’t all those things point to me being a liberal?

Well I’m not! I’m a conservative! Darn tootin!

Yee-haw!

And I am also a cowboy!!!

So I’ve decided that the best way to get politically active is not to whine about politics on Telemoonfa Time, or even write letters to the President, but I need to start smaller and get involved in politics on a more local level.

My next idea is to create an anti-incorporation flier and distribute it around my neighborhood. See, I live in San Tan Valley, Arizona, which I like to call a suburb of a suburb of a suburb of Phoenix. It’s east of Queen Creek and south of Apache Junction. This November we’ll most likely vote on whether or not we want to become a city. I’m going to vote no, and I think you should too. (If you live in the area and are eligible to vote, of course.)

I’ll talk more about why San Tan Valley should not incorporate later. But for now, have a nice day, and when I get responses to those letters I sent to the White House, I’ll let you know.

Sincerely,
Telemoonfa