Telling People When They Can Go To The Bathroom

Dear Readers,

Have you ever had the pleasure of telling a bunch of little kids when they can and can't go to the bathroom? I have. I feel like writing a poem about it.

When I am in front of the students,
and I want to say the word "ooodents"
(even though it's not really a word but the un-really word really rhymes with students,
and the plural of ooodents is ooodents
and POOF now I know that the word
is a word that I've certainly heard
from the upside-down mouths of kabloo-dents
and thus is real)

They raise their hands and say, "I have to go to the bathroom"
and they get up and say, "I have to go to the bathroom"
and they wiggle and giggle and spiggle and say, "I have to go to the bathroom"
(don't ask about spiggle)

And I say, "But class, class, don't you know,
that it's important to know
all about Kabuki and all about Noh?"

"No!" "Yeah right!" "I gotta go so bad!"
"I hurt down there! So bad!"
"I'm gonna tell my Dad
that you would'nt let me tinkle,
and just wait 'til he sprinkles
you with pain!"
"OMG
It's an emergency!"

So I let them go. All of them.

Gasp! It comes to me! They're lying.
Those liars, lying.
They went 5 minutes ago. They didn't really need to go. Liars.
They won't come back, those liars, lying.
They'll put their gang signs all over the stall walls. Gangsters!
Lying gangsters!
Gasp! The children might smoke.

It's the parent's fault.
And the Democrats' fault.

Sincerely,
Telemoonfa