Dear Readers,
One time I met this one crazy guy and oh man he was so crazy!
He said, “there was seven books… seven books that they took out of the Bible, and nobody ever knew what was in ‘em. They was like, kept secret. And you know who did it? You know who took them books from the Bible, the holy Bible? It was a government official. A government official. He just yanked them seven books out of the Bible, and nobody ever knew what was in ‘em. Nobody. And you know what the government official said? He said, the government official said, ‘We had to take them books out of the Bible, because if anybody ever read it, you would just go INSANE!!!’”
And this guy was chubby and chain-smoking and he had a beard and he talked in a whispery voice, and he had darting, squinty eyes.
The craziest thing about it what that this guy didn’t say, “Whenever a person read the seven forbidden Bible books, he or she went insane.” No, he said that if anybody ever read it, then you would just go insane! Bwah ha ha ha ha ha!!!
Sincerely,
Telemoonfa
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3 comments:
The bible is just a bunch of pagan mythology that the Romans pasted together to make Christianity. A LOT of things got left out to make it all Christian. So maybe the guy was right. I know a lot of people who would go insane at if they read all the stuff left out and realized that they'd spent their lives celebrating pagan fertility rituals as apposed to the Resurrection of Christ. As far as I'm concerned, one mythology is as good as another, but I can't take the bible seriously anyway. Sara Silverman was right. Jesus is magic? Seriously.
I know a lot of stuff, like the Apocrypha, got taken out of the Bible during its long history of being put together and being taken apart and being put back together again, and voted on, and argued about, for centuries and centuries and centuries. And some uninspired stuff got put in there, too, like the Song of Solomon, for example. The Joseph Smith Translation of the Bible, (JST) written in the 1800s by the Prophet Joseph Smith, states that “The Songs of Solomon are not inspired writings.” But somehow the Song of Solomon got in there anyway. And maybe you’re right about pagan fertility ritual stuff being put in the Good Book too.
I admit there are errors in the Bible. For example, here’s a minor error: Genesis 3:8: (Oh and I’m using the King James Version of the Bible, by the way.) “And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day…” But voices don’t walk. (Well, maybe the voice of God could walk. Ha ha ha. That’s crazy. Just kidding.)
The Joseph Smith Translation of the Bible fixes that error. The JST version, in Moses 4: 14, in the Pearl of Great Price, says “And they heard the voice of the Lord God, as they were walking in the garden, in the cool of the day…” That makes it clear that Adam and Eve were walking, not the voice of God.
That change seems minor, and it does not seem to affect doctrine, really. But here’s another error in the Bible that does drastically affect doctrine:
Exodus 33:11 says, “And the Lord spake unto Moses face to face, as a man speaketh unto his friend.” And then in the same chapter, in verse 20, we read, “And he [the Lord] said, Thou canst not see my face: for there shall no man see me, and live.” One verse says that men can literally see God, and then the next verse says that men can’t literally see God. What’s up with that?
Once again, the Joseph Smith Translation fixes the contradiction. The JST of Exodus 33:20 says, “And he [the Lord] said unto Moses, Thou canst not see my face at this time, lest mine anger be kindled against thee also, and I destroy thee, and thy people; for there shall no man among them see me at this time, and live, for they are exceeding sinful. And no sinful man hath at any time, neither shall there be any sinful man at any time, that shall see my face and live.” See? Isn’t the inspired version of Exodus 33:20 much better?
But I suppose you don’t need me to point out errors in the Bible. You already see plenty of them. My point is that I don’t believe that the Bible is perfect and infallible, and I don’t believe, as some Christians do, that the Bible was kept intact and pristine and completely inspired from the time the inspired words flowed from the pens of the prophets to today.
I believe that the true church was on the earth while Jesus was here as a mortal, and then about a century after Jesus’ death, the true church was lost. There were no more true prophets in the Eastern Hemisphere around 150 AD or so, because wicked people killed the apostles and prophets. (For the story about true prophets in the Western Hemisphere, read the Book of Mormon.)
Even though the true prophets weren’t around anymore, the writings of the true prophets were still around. But the writings of the prophets were under the care of fallible people, some with good intentions, some with bad intentions. A lot of good stuff got taken out of the Bible, and some stuff got put in. Plus, some stuff probably got lost in translation. Translating poetry is especially difficult, and a lot of the Bible is poetic, so translating from the ancient languages to English was probably a rough process, too.
(By the way, people are still interested in what should be in the Bible and what should not be in the Bible. What’s canon and what’s not canon- what comes from God and what comes from men. It’s interesting to see that a lot of different groups prefer a different version or translation of the Bible. The Jehovah’s Witnesses, for example, have the New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures, which changes a lot of stuff.)
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints eighth article of faith is “We believe the Bible to be the Word of God, as far as it is translated correctly. We also believe the Book of Mormon to be the Word of God.”
I can’t jive with your idea that “One mythology is as good as another.”
The main point is that we need to seek after the Source of Truth. We need to figure out who or what is the correct source of Truth. Because all people and organizations who claim to have Truth can’t all be correct. Catholics baptize babies, because they think that’s what God wants. Mormons don’t baptize people until their eight years old, because they think that’s what God wants. Surely both Mormon doctrine on baptism and Catholic doctrine on baptism can’t both be right. Why would God tell the LDS prophet one thing about baptism and then tell the Pope a different thing about baptism?
I believe that I have found a reliable, trustworthy source of Truth in the prophets and Scriptures of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. And I respect your first amendment right (assuming you are a U.S citizen) to practice or not practice whatever religion you want, as long as you’re not breaking any laws while you practice your religion. But even if there was no first amendment, I would like to think that I would act according to the eleventh LDS article of faith, “We claim the priviege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.”
Dear Anonymous,
I understand that early Christians may have chosen the dates of traditional pagan holidays in which to celebrate the new Christian holidays, but that doesn't mean that Christians are "really" celebrating a pagan fertility ritual when they think they are celebrating the Ressurection of Christ just because they call it "Easter."
Plus, it is just more practical for new holidays to be implemented around the dates in which the current societal holidays take place and I don't think this detracts from the meaning which the new holiday has for the people celebrating it.
Why do you think Kwanzaa is the same time as Christmas? Because people already have the time off! So if you want to start up some newfangled holiday are you going to choose a date where everyone is working or in school?
Should Kwanzaa be on the first day of most school calendars if that date matches up better with whatever traditions Professor Karenga was inspired by when he invented the holiday?
Just food for thought.
The Boid
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