The Rodeo

Yee-haw ya’ll! Get your spit on them bolo ties
And break out some big old bucking bronco boots, guys,
‘cause it’s the Rootin’ Tootin’ Big-Gun-Shootin' Upsher County Rodeo!
It’s gonna be just like they do on the television show
They’s horses, they’s barrels, they’s bulls and they’s hay,
Calves, dogs, clowns, and beer kegs flowin’ all day!

And up in the seats is some treats for us who like ropin’
Cuz there’s sweetheart ladies just a struttin’ and a flouncin’
With them girlie curly twirly hair ribbons just a-flap-flap-flappin’
And when them ropers yank hard on a sheep’s bleeding neck,
the women all start hollerin’ and cheerin’ from here to Heck.
I tell you there ain’t nothing better in the sweet Texas breeze
than to lasso a steer, tie ‘em up, and bash ‘em in the knees!

And this year my Granpa’s Ex-wife’s Cousin Buck
is gonna bring in a 7 foot tall rabid duck. A duck!
Hauled in direct from the farm on his big-old diesel truck.
7 foot tall! No lie! They cooked up chemicals they made him drink
then scientists gene-mixed him with a T-Rex dinosaur, I think,
well, it’s a feathery yellow-glowin' guy,
a mutated honker about to die, children might even cry
when they see it foaming at the beak and veins just a poppin’
but us cowboys know when the Rodeo is startin' and when the Rodeo is stoppin'
and the show ain't done 'til the duck's done droppin'
down to the dirt and starts spewing chunky orange spew
but the rodeo ain't through, I said the rodeo ain't never through
'til the duck's got one eye on the Devil and one eye on you.
After that we're gonna make the duck fight turtles.