I'm thankful for... (plus Mitt Romney 2012!)

Dear Readers,

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

What are you thankful for?

Oh, that's neat! Now it's time to talk about everyone's favorite subject.... MEEEEEEE! and my feelings ; )

I'm thankful for...

Mitt Romney

America

Spam

my job

my family

Church

art

science

history

the four seasons

familiarity

whirring machines that make my life more comfortable

moments away from whirring machines that make life more meaningful

moments when my mind is more than a mere biological whirring machine, times when my mind is a spiritual being with a life of its own

moving on...

Listen folks, about Presidential politics, we really need to get Obama out. I want to elect the most conservative person around, and I'm not sure who that is. It's so hard to know who's really conservative. But electability matters, too! I think Rick Perry would be a pretty good President, but could you imagine him in a debate with Obama? Obama would crush him. And Perry's too much like Bush, and too many people don't like Bush.

I've watched just about every second of all 11 debates this election season, and the guy I like the most is Mitt Romney. I like Michelle Bachmann, but she doesn't have much executive experience or much private sector experience, and she says embarrassing stuff sometimes, like, "Watch out for the 9-9-9 plan- look what happens if you turn it upside down!" Too many gaffes for one little lady.

I really like Rick Santorum, too. I think he's right on most of the issues. But, he seems whiny, and his campaign is really struggling. Maybe if Newt Gingrich's campaign goes downhill, Santorum will have a chance against Mitt Romney as the next incarnation of the anti-Romney spirit.

Rick Perry... you know if he were just better at debating, he would have a better chance at winning. I don't like his stance on illegal immigration, though. And if there is such a thing as being too much of a cowboy, then Rick Perry... uh... is too much of a cowboy.

Newt Gingrich. Fantastic debater. Problematic personal life. He's on his third marriage. He sat on a couch with Nancy Pelosi and tried to get us all to buy carbon credits to fight global warming. (By the way, global warming is a big fat hoax!) But one could drag up stuff about all the candidates to make them look too liberal. So... Another bad thing about him is that he's been a politician forever, and he got a bunch of money recently from Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac... over a million bucks... he was an adviser or something... wouldn't a principled conservative refuse to take that much money from such a messed-up government organization?

Nevertheless, Newt's pretty cool, but not as cool as Mitt Romney. Also, Newt's tubby. What does that have to do with being President? Well... I'd feel comfortable with Newt as the Commander-in-Chief, but not as the Commander-in-Briefs, you know what I'm saying? Say what you want about Barack Obama, but you gotta admit, the less he wears, the better he looks. Remember when Obama was jogging shirtless in slow motion, David Hasselhoff-esque, on the beaches of Hawaii? Now that's the kind of posturing that really energizes the female vote!

(Oh, my dear Readers, Telemoonfa Time has reached a new low. When I start comparing Gingrich's and Obama's beach bodies, it's time for Rick Perry to declare my house as a No Blogging Zone. If you launch a boycott against me and all my writings, I'll understand. Even I boycott myself sometimes. But enough with the self-depreciating humor. It's not funny anyway and I'm not funny enough and seriously this isn't even funny anymore; it's just sad.)

Herman Cain. Last night he said that we should put tough sanctions on Syrai, such as getting everybody to stop buying oil from them. The only trouble is... Syria doesn't export oil very much. They send out about three thimble-fulls a month. So, Cain demonstrated again that he doesn't have a grasp on much of foreign affairs. And he usually gives one of two answers to every question: Answer 1: "I'm a problem solver. I would get the most knowledgeable people about __________________ (enter issue here) and I would look at the data, and come to a conclusion." Answer 2: "Let me explain how my 9 9 9 plan would fix ___________ (enter issue here)"

John Huntsman... I really like him, too. He did balance the budget of Utah, and the economy there is great, relatively speaking, but I think a lot of that has to do with the culture of the people of Utah, not necessarily the resident of the Governor's mansion. He's more liberal, though, when it comes to global warming, evolution, ending the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, and he rides a motorcycle. Plus, I don't like the way he's a wishy-washy Mormon. He's kind of a watered-down, multicultural Latter Day Saint. I know, I know, maybe I shouldn't be judging his religiousness. That's a very personal matter and I don't want to act like I'm the judge of Huntsman's spiritual character, but... did you hear that Jon Huntsman is going to celebrate Diwali in a traditional Hindu fashion for his adopted daughter from India? Huntsman ought to be putting a CTR ring on that little girl, and telling her to marry a hunky RM in the temple someday, don't you think? (That reminds me of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie trying to raise their adopted kids in a bunch of different religions. We'll see how that works out.) Well... I just prefer the traditional strain of Mormonism displayed in my hero, Mitt Romney.

Ron Paul. He's too kooky. And his foreign policy is messed up. And he's not electable. And listen, all you crazy Ron Paul supporters: like it or not, politics is about compromise. There's 350 million people in this country, and many of them are liberals. Their votes are just as valid as conservatives' votes. You have to compromise with them. The best thing an elected official can do is to try to push the government in a conservative direction all the while preaching the doctrine of conservatism to the masses.

Again and again, Ron Paul has proven that he is unwilling to negotiate, unwilling to compromise, unwilling to even consider voting for an unbalanced budget. If a bill isn't exactly how he wants it, he'll just vote no. That's why he's called Dr. No. This doesn't mean the Paul's positions are right, it just means that Paul's positions are unpractical. The American people don't have the political will to put Paul's drastic changes into place. Now, that being said, I think that Ron Paul has been and will continue to be an important voice for auditing the federal reserve, getting out of the U.N., defending civil liberties, and for moving American towards fiscal stability.

And now I have a message for Ron Paul. If you don't get the nomination, please please please DO NOT RUN THIRD PARTY! You will nearly guarantee Obama's reelection!

And now, finally, we come to the old tried and true candidate, Mitt Romney. He's my hero. Mitt Romney is the most electable. I have problems with him, like many conservatives do: his support of Ethanol subsidies, Romneycare, his flip-flop on abortion and gay rights... that one time he tried to relate to the inner-city black kids by saying who let the dogs out ... but all things considered, he's the Republican party's best chance at victory, and he's the best chance we have at pushing America in a conservative direction. Plus he's perfect on foreign policy. Plus he belongs to the true religion! Think of the boon a Romney Presidency would be for LDS public relations! As long as he's a good President, of course. If he's a horrible President, that might be bad for the Church's image. But I've got a feeling that Romney will be a great President. Mitt Romney 2012!

Sincerely,
Telemoonfa