Dear Readers,
Oh politics politics politics! Hooray! I love debates! I love presidential debates! And I love talking about the debates! What a great country we have! Really! The sunset! Mitt Romney! Everything is just swell!
I don’t mind that the government is swiffer right now because we have all these great debates! I love my country! And these latest Republican primary debates are especially great. What a cast of characters we have! They’re all so unique, and they’re all champions in their own little ways, but who will be the champion of all the champions? Will it be Perry? Will it be Romney? Who will it be?
The suspense is terrible!
I get angry at debates sometimes because the moderators are swiffer and the format is swiffer. But of course I have to watch every second of every debate. I just have to!
OK, OK, without further ado, here are a few of my thoughts about the last few debates:
Rick Perry
Is it possible to be too much of a tough guy? I mean, I know he kills coyotes for fun, and I know he executed 234 prisoners, and he would beat all his competitors at arm-wrestling and cow-lassoing, and that’s all very impressive. But… Perry’s downright intimidating! Do you really want a President who’s constantly on the verge of clobbering somebody?
And I learned in the debates that Perry once mandated that all Texan girls had to get the anti-sex vaccine that makes them all retarded! And the only reason he did that was not because he cared about the chastity of young women, but because the drug company bribed him! And he said that seniors are monstrous liars whenever they get their social security checks! OK, I’m exaggerating, but let me un-exaggerate for a second and say that everybody ganged up on Rick Perry! But I don’t even feel bad for him. Perry talks really slow. He pauses a lot. Sometimes I think it’s dramatic, but uh… whatever. Have you noticed that? The pausing thing? One other thing: He’s an open borders type of guy.
Mitt Romney.
He is the absolute champion of the debates. Really! The Ultimate Super Champion of all the Super Champions! I mean, this guy has got it going on. He’s Presidential! He’s cool, calm, and collected, except when he needs to erupt in righteous indignation. And then when his red-hot lava has cooled, he’ll shake your hand and be your friend again. He’s brilliant! You know the polls said that Mitt Romney’s approval ratings went up after the last debate. And the polls really know what they’re talking about. Maybe Romney will end up beating Perry. I don’t know. But after watching the debates, and after re-reading a bit of No Apology: The Case for American Greatness, I am firmly back in the Romney camp! Not that I ever really left the Romney camp. I just thought I should spending a little bit of time with other candidates, that’s all. But my wandering ways are officially over and now I can enthusiastically proclaim: Mitt Romney 2012!
Mitt Romney smiled at meeeeeeee!!!!!!
Seriously, wouldn’t you just like to work for the guy? Like, wouldn’t you love it if Mitt Romney called you up and was like, “Hello, this is Mitt Romney. Believe in America! I want you to join to my business team, and we can do political things together, too. No apology! Cars!”
That would be so wonderful! He’d help you be your best, and he would be a great boss. You would just smile all the time. I hope he calls me. I put my phone number on his website. And he would make you rich! (But only if you would use the money wisely and donate it to needy orphans and conservative Republicans and stuff.)
Come on, guys, he’s got what it takes! Hop aboard the Mitt Romney Express! We Mitt-sters all headed straight to WONDERFULNESS! Chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga Choo-choo! Chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga Choo-choo!
It really helps that Mitt Romney has the most gigantical brain of all the gigantical brains. I mean, if you compare Romney’s brain to Bachmann’s brain, it’s pretty clear that Romney’s brain is more gigantical. Have you read his jobs plan? And did you know that Mitt Romney’s Mormon? That makes him even better! And did you know that I am Mormon? But he’s not a squishy liberal Mormon like Harry Reid and John Huntsman. He’s a true believer!
Do you know how crazy it would be. It will be just like when Constantine converted to Christianity, and all those pagan Romans burned their idols and followed Christ! I predict that if Romney’s elected. No no no. I have to talke positively. I predict that when Romney’s elected, he’ll usher in a new era of
Mitt Romney is coming to America’s rescue! Mitt Romney is riding a horse named Victory. He’s wearing a white hat!
And you know what? I think I’m reconsidering the health insurance mandate thing. Maybe everybody should be required to buy health insurance from the private sector or have a good-sized health savings account. I know it’s lame, but in this day and age, everybody should get health insurance. The only exception I can think of is multi-millionaires. In America, everybody is entitled to emergency health care, regardless of his or her ability to pay. Maybe that’s not the way it should be, philosophically speaking, but that’s the way it is.
I mean, what if you got hit by lightning and then you got put in a coma for six months, and the nurses just kept pumping you full of this really expensive medicine made from ostrich egg yokes mixed with praseodymium. When you got better, you’d be a slave to the hospital for the rest of your life, trying to pay off your debt. That’s messed up! There’s a lightning storm overhead! Don’t you think you should get health insurance? And lots of people get medical care without ever paying the doctors and hospitals back. That’s driving up the cost! Look, the health care system was broken and Mitt Romney tried to fix it. His chapter on health care in No Apology really is great. And it’s important to remember that the folks who succeeded after Romney worsened Romneycare. Romneycare’s not perfect but whatever I’m voting for Mitt Romney.
Ron Paul.
Ron Paul should be called Ron Pscycho because he’s a fruitcake with a hunk of baloney lodged in his madula oblongotta. Serioulsy, man, he said that the reason the Governmnent wants to build a fence between Mexico and America is so the Government can keep us in! And he wasn’t speaking metaphorically! He said that in times of economic turmoil, people naturally want to take their capitol over international borders. So in Paul’s fantasy land, Gestapo-like robots will scan your eyeballs or a tattooed barcode on your wrist and they’ll say, “NO! YOU CAN”T GO TO MEXICO! And just for thinking about going to Mexico, your punishment is that you need to stay in a FEMA camp! Bwah ha ha!”
Herman Cain.
I kind of wish Herman Cain was the leader of the pack. I like everything he says. I love his 9 9 9 plan. Why isn’t he more popular? Probably because he’s never been in politics before. In that regard, he reminds me of Ross Perot. Cain won’t win, but I’m glad he’s running. Am I the only one who thinks it’s good for the Republican Party’s image to have a woman and a black man running for President? Sometimes I think people don’t want to support people just because other people aren’t supporting them. Like Chuck Gray, for example. I want him to win, and I’ll vote for him, but I don’t want to campaign for him unless other people – wealthy, influential people- start campaigning for him first.
Jon Huntsman.
He rides a motorcycle, believes in evolution, and makes hip references to Kurt Cobain. Finally! A Republican is making the GOP look cool again! Ha ha ha. John Hunstman is a weirdo. He doesn’t seem like a Republican. Lots of fancy media people like him, and that just makes me dislike him. I think he should drop out of the race.
Michelle Bachmann.
She messes up a lot when she talks. She said she had three kids in the last debate. But she really has more kids. She doesn’t seem presidential. But then again, maybe that's just because she's a woman, and we've never had a female President.
Rick Santorum.
He seems like a really good guy. Really smart, and right on most the issues. I don't have much to say about him except, um... I guess that means he's forgettable. Gosh, I don't know what should I say about him? Why doesn't he generate buzz? He's not exciting, I guess. Am I being judgmental? I think I am. How would I like it if I ran for President, and then some anonymous guy said that I was forgettable?
Newt Gingrich.
I love everything he says. He’s got a lot of baggage though. Bad baggage. Isn’t his name funny? I’ve never heard of anybody named Newt before.
Sincerely,
Telemonnfa
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Today, Texas Gov. Rick Perry went to Liberty University. It was, at least in part, a celebration of ignorance. The Post’s reporter at the scene Phil Rucker tweeted some of the remarks. Jon Ward at Huffington Post likewise recorded some comments. Things started off on a poor note with Rev. Jerry Falwell Jr. praising Perry’s seccessionist remarks as “gutsy.” Are we to believe now that Perry was serious about secession? Then Perry, apparently deciding to make ads for the Obama campaign, came out with a series of “See how dumb I am?” one-liners. He observed that he needed to pull out a dictionary to see what “convocation” meant. The next knee-slapper: He didn’t have the grades to be a vet, so he became a pilot. And then the real howler: He was in the top 10 in a high school class of 13.
Yes, he was trying to be self-deprecating, but it’s disturbing to see that he thinks being a rotten student and a know-nothing gives one street cred in the GOP. Is it so important to defy the MSM by flaunting affection for anti-intellectualism? Just imagine if Sarah Palin had said all that — the conservative cheerleaders who gave up on her (but are still rooting for Perry) would roll their eyes in disgust.
Moreover, what Perry is doing here is telling moderate Republicans and those voters genuinely concerned about his electability to buzz off. He doesn’t need them, and he doesn’t intend to make it easy for them to vote for him. He’s telling them he is happily impervious to mainstream sensibilities. It’s the sort of thing that a Texas pol, not a presidential candidate, would do.
Now before every Perry backer pulls out a self-deprecating comment that George W. Bush made about his syntax or that Ronald Reagan made about his grades, they should stop and think. Does Perry have a gravitas problem? Has he counteracted it with any serious policy proposals? Has he shown himself to be knowledgeable and mature in the debates? Nope. He’s just reveling in the scorn because he has mistaken mainstream (and some conservative) media criticism for confirmation that he really is doing something right. But what if, for example, a really smart Republican with a great track record, lots of policy ideas and the ability to counteract the stereotype of Republicans ran? Oh, maybe there already is one.
You're right about Ron Paul being crazy, but so are a lot of people.
During the debate, Wolf Blitzer asked Ron Paul what we should do if a 30-year-old man who chose not to purchase health insurance suddenly found himself in need of six months of intensive care. Mr. Paul replied, “That’s what freedom is all about — taking your own risks.” Mr. Blitzer pressed him again, asking whether “society should just let him die.”
And the crowd erupted with cheers and shouts of “Yeah!”
The incident highlighted something that I don’t think most political commentators have fully absorbed: at this point, American politics is fundamentally about different moral visions.
Now, there are two things you should know about the Blitzer-Paul exchange. The first is that after the crowd weighed in, Mr. Paul basically tried to evade the question, asserting that warm-hearted doctors and charitable individuals would always make sure that people received the care they needed — or at least they would if they hadn’t been corrupted by the welfare state. Sorry, but that’s a fantasy. People who can’t afford essential medical care often fail to get it, and always have — and sometimes they die as a result.
The second is that very few of those who die from lack of medical care look like Mr. Blitzer’s hypothetical individual who could and should have bought insurance. In reality, most uninsured Americans either have low incomes and cannot afford insurance, or are rejected by insurers because they have chronic conditions.
So would people on the right be willing to let those who are uninsured through no fault of their own die from lack of care? The answer, based on recent history, is a resounding “Yeah!”
Think, in particular, of the children. Mitt Romney does.
You dopily repeat the lie that the PPV vaccine causes mental retardation. Everyone from scientists to Rush Limbaugh has exploded this untruth. Let's look at how it got started and how gullible people like you believed this nonsense.
In the pugilism of this week’s Republican presidential debate, Representative Michele Bachmann seemed to have landed a clean blow against Gov. Rick Perry over an order he issued requiring Texas schoolgirls to be vaccinated against a sexually transmitted virus.
But then in follow-up interviews, Mrs. Bachmann suggested the vaccine was linked to “mental retardation.”
As experts quickly pointed out, there is no evidence whatsoever linking the vaccine to mental retardation — and Mrs. Bachmann ended up shifting the focus off Mr. Perry and on to her long-running penchant for exaggeration.
It is a pattern her current and former aides know well — her tendency to let her passion for an issue overwhelm a sober look at the facts, resulting in indefensible remarks that, in a presidential primary race, are raising questions about her judgment and maturity.
“She made a mistake,” said Ed Rollins, Mrs. Bachmann’s former campaign manager and still a senior adviser, on Wednesday in an interview with MSNBC.
“Mrs. Bachmann’s an emotional person who basically has great feeling for people,” he added. “Obviously she’d have been better if she had stayed on the issue.”
People close to the campaign echoed Mr. Rollins. They spoke of their frustration that Mrs. Bachmann, who entered the race with a reputation for making unsupportable statements on cable television, has not found the discipline to win credibility with major Republican donors and influential referees in the conservative news media.
The Wall Street Journal’s editorial page, for one, accused her of “vaccine demagoguery.”
Jim Dyke, a former communications director for the Republican National Committee unaffiliated with any candidate, said: “This is the nail in the coffin in her campaign. Because you can be a cable television darling by saying provocative things, but you can’t be president of the United States.”
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