Telemoonfa’s State of The Union Address

Dear Readers,

I’m tired of listening to the lies coming from the liberal media and the lies coming from the heathen Obama administration. I ought to give my own State of the Union address, don’t you think?

OK, here’s my speech:

(It’s not a fantastic speech. It’s really not very good at all. I’m sorry. But I heard in a public speaking class that you’re not supposed to apologize for a speech before you give it, so I’m sorry for apologizing.)

I love America. I love people. Hooray for love!

My goal is to facilitate as much peace, prosperity and freedom for as many people as possible. I believe the way to achieve that goal is through following conservative principles and through worshiping God.

I'm afraid that America is becoming a welfare state, like Greece. Too many people are becoming dependent on the government, and that's unsustainable. Food stamps, "free" school lunches (and sometimes “free” breakfast and dinner), “free” childcare a.k.a. public school, welfare, unemployment, social security, Medicare, Medicaid, government health insurance, too much TV ... all these things are bad for us. Really really bad for us.

Every year there are more and more government employees, more and more government grant applicants, more and more public sector union members with outrageous benefits and pensions. And then there are the outrageous bailouts of companies deemed "too big to fail", the mismanagement of stimulus dollars, where do the big-government gurus in power think all this money comes from?

Social security is headed for ruin. I would tell anybody under 40 not to count on Social Security being there for you when you retire. Uh… make that 50. My own retirement plan is to save up a bunch of money and assets, or maybe live off of my children when I'm too frail or feeble-minded to work, or maybe learn survival skills that will get my family and me through the oncoming fiscal Apocalypse. Or I might just work until the day I die. Maybe you should make a plan like that too. Learn to rely on yourself. Reclaim the rugged individualism, work ethic, and morality that made this country great.

Government is too big, and it seems to only gets bigger. More power is being shifted from elected representatives to unelected bureaucrats, and the Supreme Court. This power shift is bad.

ObamaCare is a train wreck. Unless it's repealed or dramatically altered, Obamacare will destroy this country. Give it a few decades, and it will destroy this country.

I'm afraid that not enough people realize the threat that big government poses. And even though I'm encouraged by last November's elections, there were two things that really troubled me with the results here in Arizona.

One: Medical marijuana was legalized, (and coincidentally, at the same time, stock in Funyuns roared j/k lol :) (and of course a huge new government program had to be created to implement the dispensation of weed) and

Two: funding for First Things First was continued. Also, last May, with prop 100, Arizonans voted for a one percent sales tax increase. So, generally speaking, the candidates that won all campaigned on conservative principles, but when the people were actually given a chance to vote for raising taxes- they voted to raise them! And then when the people were given a chance to eliminate wasteful spending- they voted to keeping pumping funds down the First Things First hole!

Argh!!!

What's happening? Why don't enough people understand the gravity of our situation yet?

Don't vote for Barack Obama again. Don’t vote for Democrats again. Vote for Republicans. But that's not enough. Drastic times call for drastic measures.

Get food stored up. Get water stored up in big barrels and tanks. Consider getting a gun. Consider getting lots of guns. If you're prepared, then if America crumbles at least you can take care of yourself and your loved ones.

Am I crazy? I don’t think I am.

I’ve been pretty bleak tonight, but there is hope on the horizon. If we take evasive maneuvers, we can avoid America becoming poor and weak and devilish. Here are a few of my suggestions:

- Support tea-party conservative candidates.

- Withdraw from the United Nations.

- Cancel kindergarten. Cancel the twelfth grade. On second thought, just abolish the federal Department of Education, and let states and localities decide how to fix the school system. On third thought, encourage real school choice and competition by giving school vouchers to all parents of school-age children in America. On fourth thought, build an impregnable wall between school and state. It worked at the beginning of our nation, and it can work now.

- Sell off government land and use the money to pay off debts.

- Be really nice to Israel.

- Be really mean to Iran, North Korea, Venezuela, Cuba, China, and Russia.

- Be really mean to the Muslim Brotherhood and all her tentacle-like organizations, such as Hamas and the Muslim Student Association.

- Resurrect Senator Joseph McCarthy and have him purge out the jihadists from our government this time instead of the Communists. Um... Actually, he should still root out the Communists, too.

- Pass a balanced budget amendment.

- Abolish the Environmental Protection Agency. Or at least severely cut its funding.

- Add an amendment to the U.S. Constitution that defines Marriage as a covenant between one man and one woman.

- Build a wall on our southern border. Put Sherrif Joe Arpaio in charge of writing and enforcing immigration laws.

- Go to a simple fair tax or a flat tax. Eliminate capital gains taxes.

My fellow Americans, we can turn this ship around if we really want to. If we educate ourselves, if we elect the right people, if we pass the right laws, if we wholeheartedly seek after the right religion, we can take this country back to the way the Founding Fathers envisioned it (minus the dismal status of women and the yucky slavery part and etc.).

If my positions strike you as radical, so be it. Maybe they are radical. But you know what else is radical? America.

That's right. America is radical.

May love and the spirit of Michelle Bachmann forever fill your heart. God bless America.

Sincerely,
Telemoonfa