My Sample Ballot for the August 2010 primary

Dear Readers,

The other day I got a very exciting piece of mail- my Republican sample ballot for the August 2010 primary election!

In some cases I’m sure about who I’m going to vote for, but in other cases, I have no clue. I barely understand what some of these positions do. How am I supposed to know who would do the best job? I’m thinking about just leaving some of them blank.

Anyway, here's all my voting opinions for this upcoming primary election day, on Tuesday, August 24th, along with some commentary. The people I'm going to vote for are in bold. If I don't know who I'm going to vote for, I'll put question marks by the office title in italics. Enjoy!

United States Senator

Deakin, Jim
Hayworth, J.D.
McCain, John

I’m voting for J.D. Hayworth. Hayworth helped write the Bush tax cuts while McCain argued against them, and J.D. wrote a whole book on how to stop illegal immigration, and he’s endorsed by Sheriff Joe and Russell Pearce.

Some of you might wonder why I’m not voting for Jim Deakin, since he seems like a tea-party conservative Constitutionalist guy. The answer is simple. I’m not voting for Jim because he has no chance of winning. I’m not really interested in making a statement or being a principled loser, like third party candidates are. I’m interested in supporting conservative electable candidates. The simple fact is, Jim Deakin hasn’t raised enough money, and not enough people know about him. He hasn’t got enough support from big conservative names and groups. And, I feel like in this case, a vote for Jim Deakin is a vote for John McCain.

Some of you might wonder why I’m not voting for John McCain. John McCain limited free speech with the unconstitutional McCain-Feingold bill, he favored amnesty with the McCain-Kennedy immigration bill, he took over a million bucks from a convicted ponzi schemer, and he’s been in politics forever. And McCain has been incredibly cruel to J.D. this whole campaign. McCain shut down J.D. Hayworth’s cool radio show at the beginning of this year, and he’s spent so much money on trash-talking radio and TV commercials maliciously attacking J.D. Hayworth.

J.D. Hayworth is not an angel, but he’s the best option in this race.

U.S. Representative in Congress District 6

Flake, Jeff
Smith, Jeff

I’m voting for Jeff Smith, mostly because… well, if you’ve been reading this blog, you know why. I’m more excited about this race than any other race. Jeff Smith is a candidate that I really like and really believe in, more so than any other candidate. He’s the only candidate I’ve ever donated money to, and that’s a big deal to me, because I’m a frugal and stingy guy. Although there has been no polling done for this race, anecdotal evidence indicates that Jeff Smith has a good chance of winning. I probably know at least 50 people who are going to vote for him. One of the things I love about this race is that there are only two Republicans running, so voters have a very clean, easy choice to make.

In contrast, voters in Congressional District 3 are going to have a difficult time deciding which of the 10 Republicans to vote for. I’d vote for Pamela Gorman there, but then I’d be afraid that that would split the vote between two or more conservative candidates and give Ben Qualye, the son of Dan Qualye, the Republican nomination. If Ben Qualye wins the nomination, I’m going to pull my hair out. Did you hear that Ben Qualye sent out mailers with a picture of his family -- except that his “family” consisted of himself, his newly acquired wife and dog, and some photogenic children that he borrowed for the photo? Ha ha ha! And did you hear that Ben Qualye used to be a scotch-sipping skirt-chasing Scottsdale socialite? Ha ha ha!

Governor

Mills, Buz
Brewer, Jan
Jette, Matthew
Martin, Dean

OK, um, I think I’ll vote for Buz Mills even though he suspended his campaign and even though the polls say that Jan Brewer is definitely going to win no matter how any of us vote. But then in the general election I’m going to vote for a Libertarian candidate just to make a principled statement. I like Dean Martin a lot, but he's nerdy. Seriously, on his Facebook page, his one and only favortie movie listed is Star Trek. It already hurts him that he's tubby and pasty and dons spectacles- did he have to announce his nerdiness to the universe by listing that movie? He should have listed a manlier movie like James Bond or The Ten Commandments. Geez, he might as well give a campaign speeches in Klingon! Ha ha ha! No, we don't need a level 14 dungeon and dragons wizard leading Arizona, (I don't care how well he did is calculus class!) we need a rootin'-tootin'-cowboy! We need a guy who shoots guns and lives on a ranch and smokes cigars. We need Buz Mills. But it'd be cool to have a pot-smoking tax evader for our Governor, too, like Barry Hess. Ha ha ha.

State Senator District 23

Byers, Matt
Smith, Steve

This is a really difficult one. I met both of them last night at a Republican candidate Meet and Greet in Apache Junction. I like both of them. They both seem like good young conservative guys who are right on all the issues, but I’m going to vote for Steve Smith.

See, Matt Byers is really tan, and I don’t trust people that are too tan. Ha ha ha. Seriously, though, I think Byers uses way too many crazy analogies and metaphors on his website.

Steve Smith seems more straight-talking and passionate. And he’s really tall. I like tall people. They can see farther, so they can lead better. Plus, Steve Smith has an adorable one-month old baby at home. I have a soft mushy spot in my heart for babies, and whenever I see one or even hear about one, the mushy spot in my heart starts pulsating rapidly. Come to think of it, maybe I should get that checked out.

But then again, I like Matt Byers’ background. He’s had a lot of different blue-collar jobs.

But then I’ve got to remember that Steve Smith is taller. And he has a cute baby. Plus, Steve Smith has been planning on running for two years, so he’s been preparing himself for being a state Senator. Plus, Sheriff Joe, Russell Pearce, Arizona Right to Life and some other conservative people and groups have endorsed him.

But then again, Matt Byers comes into my wife’s work sometimes, and he’s friendly, so he’s got that guy-from-down-the-street appeal going for him.

This is one of those votes that I’m not really really really sure about, but I’m going to vote for Steve Smith.

And I’ll vote for either one of these guys in the general election, because we need to get rid of the current liberal state Senator Rebecca Rios.

State Representative District 23

Fillmore, John
Pratt, Frank

You can vote for two candidates in this race, and these are the only Republicans running, so I’ll vote for both of them.

Secretary of State

Bennett, Ken

I don’t know anything about Ken Bennett, but he’s the only one running, so of course I’ll vote for him.

Attorney General ?????

Thomas, Andrew P.
Horne, Tom

I don’t know much about this race. I know I used to get emails from Tom Horne when I was a teacher. And I know he worked to shut down the La Raza classes in the Tucson Unified School District, and he investigated the Ajo Unified school district for bussing in Mexican nationals to school everyday. So I like that about Tom Horne, but maybe Andrew Thomas is a good guy, too. I don’t know.

State Treasurer

Verschoor, Thayer
Carpenter, Ted
Ducey, Doug
Leff, Barbara

I think I’ll vote for Thayer Verschoor for State Treasurer because the conservative blog Seeing Red AZ endorses Verschoor, and they have some bad things to say about Doug Ducey. I guess Ducey didn’t pay his taxes for a few years or something. Really, I don’t know much about this race.

Superintendent of Public Instruction ?????

Dugan, Margaret
Huppenthal, John
Price, Beth

No idea.

State Mine Inspector

Hart, Joe

Joe Hart is hands down the best State Mine Inspector candidate ever! Ha ha ha. Just kidding. I have no idea. But he’s the only one running.

Corporation Commissioner ?????

Burns, Brenda
Pierce, Gary
Wong, Barry

You get to vote for two. I’m going to vote for Barry Wong and I don’t know who else.

Clerk of the Superior Court

Roche, Chad

He’s the only one running so I’ll vote for him.

Justice of the Peace

Babeu, Shaun
Lusk, Dennis

This is an interesting race. They've both put up a ga-zillion signs all over my neck of the woods. Judge Lusk has been doing the lawyer and judge thing for a long time, and Shaun Babeu is a prison guard who's riding on his brother's coattails. Shaun's brother is the now famous Pinal County Sheriff Paul Babeu. After briefly talking with Dennis Lusk, and after reading a little bit about this race online, I knew Lusk was the qualified one.

I know right now I'm fond of throwing out incumbents, but I think when it comes to electing a judge, you don't want an inexperienced political outsider; you want someone who can run the court effeciently. Lusk said that if the people were to choose Babeu, the court in Apache Junction would run really really slow, and justice wouldn't be served as well. Plus, I think there might be a conflict of interest with Shaun running the court and his brother being the Sheriff. I think they could work in cahoots to mess with people they don't like. I feel like electing Shaun Babeu would be like starting a local political family dynasty, and I don't like that.

I'm certain about this race. Vote for Dennis Lusk.

Constable ?????

Mcclaren, Jack
Palmer, Merle e.

What the heck does a constable do? I don’t like constables. “Constable” sounds like a title of nobility, and titles of nobilities are unconstitutional! Didn’t we put a stop to all constables and constable-like behavior when we rebelled from Great Britain?!

Judge of the Superior Court Div 1

Washburn, Daniel

He's the only one running.

Judge of the Superior Court Div 4

blank

Judge of the Superior Court Div 7

blank

Judge of the Superior Court Div 8

blank

Are these spots just going to go unfulfilled? Or should I write in a name? Although, I think you can only write in the names of official write-in candidates. I don’t get it. Whatever.

Judge of the Superior Court Div 10

Fuller, Steve

He's the only one running.

OK, that about wraps it up. You don't have to vote like I do, but I hope you do. I think some of my votes are sort of informed, anyway.

Happy Voting!

Sincerely,
Telemoonfa