My Spider Thoughts!

OK guys,

I know you wanna know all about my spider thoughts!

young or preggers people: warning!

stop reading here because GROSS = NOW!

Spiders are definitely creepy-crawlies, the king of creepy-crawlies even, for serious!

Oh my gosh have you ever really looked at their legs? On the big ones it's like a gross-out forrest of hairy spikes! And then, on the small ones, it's like, BLAAGGH! their legs just fall off and their dead legs are everywhere- uber tacky I know - that's why I never even ever want to think about spider legs even!

Like one time I thought it was an eyelash, so I picked it up to look at it all up-close to see if it got my Mascara application certification aprooval but really it was a daddy-long-leg thigh!

So I barfed all over myself it was so gross!

And did you know that when they look at you they look at you with seventeen eyes? Can you just imagine all those little eyeballs, all seventeen, all looking at you at once?! You could be doing nothing, like, just whatever, you know? and then little do you know that deep in the depths of a dark dark corner, is lurking an EYEBALL SPIDER-BEAST!

And he's just looking at you!

Blaghhh!!!

and he's staring at you, just waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and he breathes like cooooo-paaahhh coooo-paaaah and you don't even know he's there but he just keeps waiting and waiting and breathing and breathing until just the right moment when out of nowhere the freak

jumps in your face

and

put his webs inside of you!

OK it's never happened to me but that's what all spiders want to do! They just want to put their webs inside of people, like in their noses or ears when they jump all over your face -- I think it's like a reproduction thing because they wanna have spider-slash-human babies with you!

and I wish I could squish spiders dead (like the heel of a high heel straight bam in the spider face!) but barf barf puke you know what I mean? like that's so sick I can't even go there! Not even in my mind, even!

So that's why I make Daddy buy husky bug-killer-men to spray their death beams all around everywhere I go in the world!

Insect death beams sprayed forever all over = me, spider free!

OK, that's all for now but just remember that I love you enough to share my deep inner-inner thoughts with you because I hate it when people aren't real, you know, like when people are all fake? I hate that. But you're real, I can tell, and that's why I love you with all the love from the whole everything of my heart!