Dear Readers,
Muslims do animal sacrifice!
Just thought you’d like to know.
How do I know that Muslims do animal sacrifice? Well, it all started yesterday morning when my pet rabbit went missing.
I woke up and had my freshly-squeezed tangerine and poppy-seed juice, looked at the paper, and then I went over to my rabbit’s little wooden rabbit house in the backyard, just to tell my rabbit good morning and wish him a happy sun-shiney day, you know?
Well, I went out there, and Perry’s little rabbit house was empty! It gave me such a shock. Perry was always there in the morning, nibbling on a carrot or sometimes he was busy decorating Easter eggs and thinking of clever places to hide them. (Perry is a Christian rabbit, you know.) But yesterday morning Perry was gone!
Oh, and “Perry” is short for “Periwinkle”. Periwinkle’s my favorite color. And that was the color of Perry’s eyes, periwinkle.
“Oh no!” I yelled. And then I yelled, “Perry, where are you? Perry, where are you?!” And I started to cry.
Panicking, I raced through the neighborhood, calling “Have you seen my rabbit?” and “Where are you, Perry?” I went to the flower shop. I went to the candy store. I went to the bakery. But nobody anywhere had seen him! Nobody anywhere at all forever!
Just then a chilly wind blew, and I realized that it was cold outside, and Perry probably wanted a warm blanket and some rabbit food, and he was all alone out there somewhere, lost in the streets or maybe lost in the forest, and Perry was probably crying like I was crying!
Oh! The mind does such horrid things when a pet is missing!
With added speed I knocked on all my neighbors’ doors, asking everybody if they had seen Perry. My neighbors were all very friendly, and one very kind man even invited me in for a game of hide-and-go-seek, but of course I couldn’t play hide-and-go-seek; I had to find my rabbit!
I ran and ran and ran and ran, all around the town, but I couldn’t find Perry anywhere, and I started to cry again. (A little boy like me cries a lot when a pet is missing, you know.)
And then in a different part of town I came across a funny-looking building that I had never seen before. It looked like it had a giant ice-cream cone swirl on top of it. But it was a golden-looking ice-cream cone, a flavor that I had never tasted or even seen before. The dome on top of that strange building was sort of caramel-colored, but not really like caramel. It wasn’t chocolate, either. It was lighter than chocolate.
Butterscotch! Yes, that’s what it was! Butterscotch! Mmmm… Butterscotch-flavored ice cream…
But I couldn’t think about food. I had to find my rabbit!
So I went up to the building and knocked on the door. Right after I knocked on the door three times, knock, knock, knock, I saw a sign on the building that said in very big letters, “MOSQUE,” and then beneath that in smaller letters it said, “WE ARE MUSLIMS”
“Hmmmm…” I thought. Muslims. What are Muslims? Do Muslims know where my rabbit is?
Just then, while I was deep in thought, and worrying about Perry, a big man with a long black beard came to the door. He didn’t look very friendly at all. And then I noticed that the big man with the long black beard had a gun! Oh my! And it was a real gun! And the man pointed the real gun at me!
“Grrrrr…” the Muslim growled. “What do you want, little boy?”
I was scared, and I almost started crying again. But I held back my tears and I stuck out my chest, (because that’s what I do when I try to be brave- I stick out my chest) and I said to the Muslim in my very deepest voice, with my chest stuck out as far as it would go, “I’m looking for my rabbit.”
The Muslim put his gun down and wrinkled his forehead. “Hmmm… Did your rabbit have periwinkle eyes?”
“Yes he did,” I said, gaining hope, still talking in my very deepest voice, and still sticking out my chest. “Some people say Perry’s eyes are cornflower, but they’re not cornflower, they’re definitely periwinkle. I know. I’ve looked very closely at him, and he’s my rabbit, so I should know.”
That’s when the Muslim said the most awfulest thing he could ever say! He said, “Oh yes, I remember Perry. I killed him.”
“What?!” I cried. I went back to my normal voice and fell on the ground, writhing in agony.
“I said I killed your rabbit,” and then the Muslim started laughing!
“But that’s so cruel! How could you?” My tears came out like waterfalls, and I was banging my fists on the ground as hard as I could, and I wished with all my wishes that I was really sleeping and this was all just a ghastly nightmare. I pinched myself to see if I was dreaming, but I found out that I was still alive, and Perry, my pet rabbit, was still dead, and now I hurt even more because I pinched myself really hard!
Then the Muslim spoke again. “I killed him for Allah. Muslims do animal sacrifice, and I’m a Muslim.”
“Oh no!” I cried. And then the Muslim started shooting me with his gun!
Then I ran away before the bullets hurt me too badly, and I cried and I cried and I cried, and I ran and I ran and I ran all the way back home, and I never saw that mean Muslim again.
And I never saw Perry again, either, because Perry was dead.
When I got home I thought about Perry and cried. I went outside, in the backyard, to try to stop thinking about that horrible Muslim man with the long black beard. But then when I was in the backyard I saw a half-eaten carrot by Perry’s little wooden rabbit house, and I cried again, and then I thought about his periwinkle eyes, and I cried even harder.
Now it’s been over a whole day, practically two days, since I lost my poor little Christian rabbit.
Sometimes, though, when I’m feeling very sad, sometimes I find some of the Easter eggs that Perry had decorated and hid around the house, and those eggs remind me of Baby Jesus, and then I start to feel better inside.
So that’s how I know that Muslims do animal sacrifice!
Sincerely,
Telemoonfa
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6 comments:
In case your curious about the deleted comment, for the first time, I removed a comment from Telemoonfa Time. It was vulgar. Basically the comment said that I was not a very nice man.
the deleted comment was meant to show how distasteful i find your broadcast of hate. occasionally, you seem intelligent, but then you post something so ignorant and hateful that I find it hard to believe you have a soul. oh, and by the way, you of all people have no right to judge what is and is not vulgar, or have you forgotten that your past self reveled in vulgarity? Shall I post some of your older art work, displaying your particular brand of vulgarity? It was at least honest.
Post it un. I'd like to see it.
uncapitalizer,
I wonder what exactly you have... hmm... I think you might have the Un-Men, my unfinished comic book from high school about gender-vague aliens who steal a cow. Ha ha ha. And you probably do have a lot of my profane, sophomoric artwork from my teens, and maybe some of my angry rants, and I guess if you want to post some of that stuff to prove something or to make some point, that would be OK. Although, I think I would rather you not post it. I don't know. Whatever.
I know I used to be very different... I used to have some opinions that I am now ashamed of. I wrote about how I changed on this blog on Feb 7th, 2008, in "Prose From High School" and I also wrote a poem that deals with the issues of growing up on Thursday April 8th in “Hello April”
In a way I'm glad I didn’t have a blog when I was a teenager. I can only imagine some of the horrible things I would have put on there. (Of course, according to you, I’m broadcasting hate as a grown-up man.)
When I first read that you thought that I "reveled in vulgarity" I thought that was an exaggeration, but maybe you're right; maybe I did revel in vulgarity. But I'm better now. Right?
Anyway, I’ll talk to you later.
first of all, i know you've changed. i have too, i hope. and yes, i have un-men, but it was not just un-men that i was thinking of posting.
my issue with this post in general, is that you may think it's a joke, and i may not take it seriously, but there are a lot of pissed off people out there that are filled with hate. and they're just looking to fuel the fire... i think this story, as outrageous and exaggerated as it is, could be used to encourage the portion of backwards-ass americans who now hate ALL muslims because a group of them do bad things. and there are impressionable minds out there too. minds that could read this and take it seriously.
why put it out there?
it is interesting to know that muslims do animal sacrifice. so, talk about that, like you did in part 3. that was interesting and (i assume) more factual.
but making stuff up and vilifying an entire religious population does seem like a broadcast of hate. and it doesn't reflect well on you. it's unkind.
don't you ever get sick of ignorant people talking about how mormonism is a cult where every man has tons of wives and they all do weird sex rituals in the temple? - it's the same thing here telemoonfa.
i do think you reveled in vulgarity back in the day. i know i did. but you were so much more open and honest and you seemed more like a caring person, who valued life and wanted to experience it. you had such passion.
you used to be a person who could accept other people's opinions even if you didn't share them. now you're antigay, antimuslim, anti anything that doesn't seem to fit into you're greatly narrowed view of what is acceptable. you used to have fire, and it seems you're suffocating it under blankets of bigotry and hate. it's sad to see.
so, no, i don't think you're better now. i think you're this smart and talented guy who wanted to please his parents, went on a mission to do it and lost his uniqueness in the process. i think you lost your individuality, and your ability to see things from other peoples perspectives.
i think maybe if you looked back and saw some of the good in who you used to be, and tried to keep that in your heart (even while being all right-wingy) you might be better now... that's my opinion, but it comes from the heart.
also, i will respect your wishes and not post any of your past works that i have in my possession. however, i encourage you to think and be open minded, and to not be so unkind. because vulgar as some of your past works are none of them were so unkind as prop 101 or "muslims do animal sacrifice!"
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