My Bike Ride, Politics, Garden of Eden, Whatever Dude.

Dear Readers,

This morning I went on a bike ride. I went outside of the subdivision where I live to the rural area where people have really big yards. A lot of the people with big yards have lots of animals. I saw some peacocks, dogs, cows, horses, a few people, cars, big trucks. And I saw some animal I don't think I had ever seen before. It had long curly white fur, it was probably the size of a goat, and it had these two crazy horns sticking out of its head. It was resting in the shade of a shed. Maybe it was a goat. If it was, that was one funny looking goat. Maybe it was one of those genetically modified hybrid super-animals, like a zonkey. Well, whatever it was, it looked happy; it looked very in-the-moment.

And a lot of those people with the big yards have big trees. Giant trees.

And the weather this morning was divine.

Gosh, my neighborhood is paradise. It really is. And if there are any ugly things around my neighborhood, like the cop car outside my neighbor's house because of domestic violence or something, I just pretend they're not real. Psychologically blocking out unpleasant things is a very pleasant way to live. Actually, I don't have to pretend that ugly things aren't real, because there are no ugly things in my neighborhood.

Everything in my neighborhood is orderly and pleasant. Everything follows a rhythm, the sun rises and the sun sets.

I feel myself occupying space in the air, I look around my neighborhood, and I know that a metaphysical justice prevails. Some kids were playing soccer in the park. The mail carrier delivered mail. I rode my bike around on a Saturday morning. I took out the garbage can from behind our gate and put it on the curb, so the trash truck could pick it up. My neighbors took out their trash cans, too, because it was Saturday, because it was trash pickup day. Peace was all around me, a peace I owe to my present living situation- suburbia! suburbia! suburbia!

Oh, I suppose I could imagine a place even more paradisaical than my neighborhood. Because you know in the Scriptures it says that the Garden of Eden was even more spectacular than the world that Adam and Eve were thrust in to, after they ate the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. So what was the Garden of Eden like? How could it get any better than my neighborhood?

Well, for one thing, maybe the animals didn't stink. Maybe there were no mosquitoes, or crickets, or spiders, or flies, or thorns. Maybe there was no cactus. (But I kind of like cactus.)

Oh, and I'm not just thinking hypothetically here. I believe that the Garden of Eden was a real physical place, and that Adam and Eve were physical beings like you and me. I believe that our first parents lived in the Garden of Eden for a good while, and they enjoyed the use of all 5 of their senses. Now, whether the story of the Fall of Adam and Eve was literal or figurative, I'm not sure. Did Adam and Eve actually eat a fruit? I don't know. Did a serpent actually talk? I don't know. There was a donkey that really talked once, (Numbers 22) so I suppose that the serpent could have really talked.

You know, if an animal started talking to me, I don't think I'd be shocked. It makes sense that living creatures should be able to talk, sometimes, if they are possessed by a higher spirit. Or maybe they don't even have to be possessed by a higher spirit. Maybe all living creatures have words inside them. It's clear that they have wants and desires and personalities. And if only animals had the physical apparatus to speak English, they would do it.

If an animal talked to me, it would be a spiritual thing. I would talk back to the animal, just like it was a human. Since I believe in a magical world, a talking animal wouldn't shock me. My first conversation with a talking animal might even feel ordinary, in a strange way.

At any moment the arm of a giant dark beast might descend from the sky, pluck me up, hoist me upward, and take me up into a Mother Spacecraft- a Spacecraft that is my Mother. "Astounding!" I'll exclaim, "My mother was a spacecraft all along!" (Say that reminds me: Mom, if you're reading this, Happy Mother's Day.) And if my mother really was a spacecraft all along, and that is what the Truth is, then that's fine. Mom, it's OK if you're really a craft fashioned for extraterrestrial travel. That's healthy and natural. It's nothing to be scared of. I'm sure there are plenty of other Spacecraft Mothers. There will be a moment of exclamation upon my abduction, it is true, but that brief moment will be followed by an eternity of understanding and serenity.

Likewise, at any moment now, maybe before I finish typing this sentence, a tiny tentacle could slither its way through my window, sit on my shoulder, and then morph into a glowing sphere of light, the size of a bowling ball, and we would communicate telepathically. The glowing ball would download information into me. That whole thing could happen any moment now. I can't stress that enough. Whether in the body, or out of the body, I cannot tell.

Maybe in the Garden of Eden there was luscious grass everywhere that you didn't have to mow, and maybe the temperature varied between 70 and 85 degrees Fahrenheit, with a slight breeze that came and went. And maybe you could stay outside in the sun all day and never get sunburned. Maybe Rocky Road Ice Cream oozed out of tree branches.

After my bike ride this morning I ate a breakfast burrito. Then my wife and my child when to a friend's house and we swam in her community swimming pool. Some of the nice subdivisions around here have a clubhouse and pool place. Of course the residents pay for it with their monthly HOA dues.

Swimming in the pool was really nice. I swam for a little bit. I've never been good at swimming, and I think I'm getting worse. But maybe I'm enjoying it more. Anyway, people don't really go to the pool to swim. They go to the pool to wade in the water and float and relax and lounge on the lounge chairs. And that's what I did- waded, floated, relaxed, and lounged.

After the pool, we went to Target to buy a wedding gift. A co-worker of mine got married today. We came home and took a nap.

Tonight I went to a wedding reception and ate the wonderful food and had a good conversation and shook hands and smiled and everything was really nice. The flowers were nice. The cake was nice. The bench we sat on was nice. The water was nice. The fruit was nice. My beard was nice. My wife was nice. Even nice itself was nice.

What I mean is, the principle of Niceness, the Quality that is Nice, the ideas and feelings and sounds and the mass of electrical associations that the word "nice" sends forth into the Universe - Nay, Into The Multiverse! - was itself reproducing inwardly, asexually, recreating its own Being, tonight, at the wedding reception. Mist was everywhere. And the offspring of Nice are not many, but one, and they are not one, but many. I say hello to the Nice and the Nice says hello to me. We speak telepathically with the aid of a glowing pebble I insert into my right ear.

After the wedding reception, I watched the Republican Presidential debate that I missed last week. Mitt Romney didn't participate. I'm not sure why. He's going to run for President, but maybe he thought this debate was too rinky-dink to participate in. Of course, I'm not sure why Fox News decided to have a debate this early in the election cycle. Does that always happen? I'm sleepy. Who are you? Get off my porch. Where's my gloves? Where'd you put my gloves? Hateful bounder! Buddy! Why are you being hateful? I liked all the candidates. All of them would do a better job than Barack Obama would.

Gosh, what a wonderful day it's been.

But you know who I really like? Thaddeus McCotter. Have I ever mentioned him before? He would make a good President, I think. I really like him more that Mitt Romney, but I think Romney has a better chance of winning, and actually Romney has more executive experience than Thaddeus McCotter.

Herman Cain is really cool, too. And Chris Christie's great. I think they would both make great Presidents.

So far I'm disappointed with this current Congress. I had really high hopes after last November. The Republicans went in there saying they would get 100 billion in spending cuts, and they were so afraid of a government shutdown that they only got thirty something billion in cuts, but they didn't go after entitlements. WE NEED ENTITLEMENT REFORM NOW! Why don't people understand that?! Entitlements are eventually going to bankrupt the country. To his credit, Mitt Romney brought up entitlement reform during the 2008 Presidential debates. John McCain always talked about earmarks and "pork", which are annoying, to be sure, but they're only a drop in the bucket, when you put things into perspective. The country is in 14 trillion dollars of debt, you know. And we just keep getting more and more into debt, and we need people who are serious about entitlement reform, like Mitt Romney, Marco Rubio, and Paul Ryan. (I think those people are serious about entitlement reform. I hope they are, anyway.)

Mitt Romney 2012!

But uh... my point here is... um... my point here is... that politics are important, and I plan on devoting some of my time and resources to getting Mitt Romney elected, but that's dependent on a few conditions. Like, if I'm the Golden Child and if I use the Secret of the Golden Ratio to administer interplanetary metaphysical justice, or if I get my own reality TV show where I talk with animals and chew on tree bark and leaves with them, or if my Mother Spacecraft comes to visit, then I should probably move on to other things. I don't want to close a door while the door is still shut, you know what I mean? I don't know what I mean.

Happy Mother's Day Everyone. You are so beautiful.

Sincerely,
Telemoonfa