Barack Wrote Me Back!

Dear Readers,

Remember that letter I wrote to the President a while back? (I learned how to use the link function, so I don't have to copy and paste the whole URL anymore! I'm like totally a professional blogger.)

Well, I got a letter back from Mr. Obama. It was so kind of him to write back. I decided to post the letter here. My responses are in red.

Dear Friend:

Thank you for contacting me. I appreciate hearing your perspective on global warming. (Yeah, right.) Few challenges facing our Nation are more urgent. (I bet I can name at least thirty seven more urgent challenges. Thirty seven is more than a few. Oh, and by "more urgent" I mean "actually real.") The facts are clear, (Whatever you gotta tell yourself.) and the science is beyond dispute. (Say it over and over and it might come true.) We know that we cannot keep burning fossil fuels and adding greenhouse gases to the atmosphere without consequence. (You're right about that one. The consequence will probably be more warmth in the winter, more coolness in the summer, more general health and comfort...) If left unchecked, our continued dependence on these sources of energy will further weaken our economy and threaten our national security. (Drill, baby, drill!)

We are addressing the climate crisis first and foremost by pursuing a clean energy future (Is "clean energy future" your special way of saying "COMMUNIST DICTATORSHIP"???!!!) that makes our country safer and more prosperous. The American Recovery and Reinvestment Act puts Americans to work weatherizing homes and buildings, doubling our supply of renewable energy, and advancing scientific research. My 2010 Budget makes further investments in a clean energy economy that will create good-paying jobs through funding for wind and solar power, advanced biofuels, clean coal, and fuel-efficient cars. In addition, my Administration is pursuing comprehensive legislation to move toward energy independence and prevent the worst consequences of global warming while creating incentives to make clean energy profitable in America. (This is a good letter, rhetorically speaking. It sounds great, like your speeches. I'm being serious here. If I listen to you long enough, Mr. Obama, I might be spellbound by your charisma. You're a great politician.)

The response to global warming, however, must be global. (No it doesn't, because global warming isn't real!) Just as we work to reduce our own emissions, we must forge solutions that ensure every country does its part. (Solutions like dumping tons of U.S. money into the pockets of third-world dictators?)

Our choices as individuals and as a Nation will ultimately define the world we leave to our children. (You sound like you're in a beauty contest.) To learn more about my plan to act boldly (Why don't you act humbly or cowardly once in a while? Politicians are always acting boldy.) on global warming and meet our obligation to future generations, I encourage you to join me online at:www.whitehouse.gov/agenda/energy_and_environment.Thank you again for writing. (Hey, no problem.)

Sincerely,

Barack Obama

To be a part of our agenda for change, (a.k.a. to become an Obama zombie) join us at http://www.whitehouse.gov/



(Let me ask you a question, Mr. Obama: How many people have died so far from global warming? I think that number is a big fat zero. So why is global warming such a pressing issue? And why are you bent on spending so much money on it? Know how many people died in Poland this month from cold weather? 79. Here's the proof. Maybe burning more fossil fuels would have helped those 79 people see a few more sunrises.

I also want to tell you that I was disapointed that the climate change conference in Copenhagen turned anti-capitalist and anti-American. Hugo Chavez's speech was outrageous. He got a standing ovation for saying, "socialism... that’s the way to save the planet, capitalism is the road to hell….let’s fight against capitalism and make it obey us.”

But I suspect that the global warming movement was always secretly communist anyway. Mr. Obama, I wish you would have heeded Sarah Palin's advice and just boycotted Copenhagen.

I might write to you again, but I don't think it will do much good. I realize that I'm just talking to one of your staff members, and not really you, or maybe I'm talking to a computer program that searches for terms in my email and then sends back an automated response... say lah vee. But know that next November I'll be voting for conservative politicians. OOOooo! Doesn't that scare you?

Thank you. And I'm sorry for being rude to you. I just had to let off some steam. Can we be friends again?

Oh, and I have another suggestion for you, Mr. President. Look into this. The article on the other end of that link is about Nathan Myhrvold, a scientist who claims he can stop global warming by putting a hose up into the sky and pumping a bunch of sulfur into the stratosphere, thus preventing a little bit of the sun's heat from reaching the earth. According to Mr. Myhrvold, trapped C02 will make the earth a little warmer, more sulfur in the stratosphere would make the earth a little cooler, so the weather will get balanced out, and we'll all be just fine.

Here's my suggestion. Let's do nothing about global warming for a while. Say a decade or two. Let's concentrate on the economy and the war on terror for the time being. Then, if the temperature really starts rising like Al Gore says it will (which I don't think it will) then we can use Mr. Myhrvold's idea. Or maybe another scientist will come up with another way to cool the earth down that doesn't involve setting up a world government and plunging billions into poverty. Sound like a good idea?

But you probably won't look into Mr. Myhrvold's idea becuase you're in the business of supressing genuine science and you're into squelching prosperity, just because you want to be sooooo mean!

I wonder if oil is really a non-renewable resource, like the enviornmentalists keep telling us it is. The story we're often told is that oil is a finite fossil fuel because it comes from dinosaur bones that get mixed with lava or something, and you know, there's only so many dinosaur bones out there, so once they run out, we'll have to rely on wind and solar and live in teepees and blah blah blah.

Dinosaur bones! Ha! It's laughable!

The Earth is only 6,000 years old and there's no such thing as dinosaurs. The things scientisits call "dinosaur bones" are just funny rocks put there by Satan to dissuade believers!)

Sincerely,
Telemoonfa

P.S. Merry Christmas.