Vote for Me!

Dear Readers,

As many of you know, tomorrow, January 20th, 2009, is the inauguration of our next American President, Barack Obama. Although I didn’t vote for him, of course I wish him well. I wish the country well and the economy well, and I hope that the Israelis and the Palestinians can get along, and I hope that the Iraqis will soon have peaceful conditions and a stable democracy, and I hope that the terrorists in Afghanistan and elsewhere are brought to justice soon, and I hope that America will continue to be a strong, free, blessed country for a long long long long long long time.

I mentioned before that I’d like to get into politics someday. I know I criticize the decisions of politicians quite a bit, and I do think that there are some nasty things going on in the world of politics, but let me make it clear that I love my country and that I love public political discourse. I love American democracy, and I love the idea of the American Dream. I’ve had a good life so far, thanks in large part to this wonderful country I call home. I want to preserve the laws and principles that made America great for my children and for my grandchildren, and for my neighbors, my friends, my associates, and for all the Americans I haven’t met personally.

That said, some politicians do a better job than others of keeping America great. Here’s a list of random politicians endorsed by me, Telemoonfa.

Alan Keyes- I first saw him on TV in a debate against Barack Obama before the 2004 election. Keyes and Obama were both running for a U.S. senate seat for Illinois. Keyes is a very dynamic and entertaining speaker, and he’s also very Christian and unashamed of his Christianity. Honestly, I’m not familiar with his record or anything, but he can sure speak well. Actually, he might be more of a media guy with a TV show than a real politician these days. He ran for President a few times, but he had no real chance of winning, and he recently left the Republican Party.

Steve Forbes- I don’t know much about this guy, either, but he’s another conservative who likes to emphasize small government and a free market, and he actually had an idea for a while that America ought to adopt a flat tax, where everybody pays, say, 15 % of their taxable income to the government, rather than the progressive tax we have now. Oh, but I just read on Wikipedia that he supported Rudolph Giuliani rather than Mitt Romney this last election. Oh well. Nobody’s perfect.

Preston Korn- A small town conservative family-oriented Republican who ran to be an Arizona representative. I saw him debate in person one night, at NAU, and afterward I shook his hand and told him that I liked him and that I was voting for him. I think he thought I was weird. I had a big goofy grin on my face, you know, like I was meeting a celebrity. And I was probably dressed funny. Ha ha ha. Preston Korn grew up on a ranch in Wyoming. Isn’t that adorable? Visit http://www.prestonkorn.com/

Jeff Flake – one of the U.S. representatives from Arizona. Republican. Mormon. Descendant of the Flakes who founded the city of Snowflake. One of his biggest things is his opposition to government waste. Every week he exposes an outrageous earmark. He’s great.

Mitt Romney – You know who he is, right? Mitt Romney might be my favorite politician of all time. (not counting the Founding Fathers or Abraham Lincoln or Ronald Reagan) But really, I was more emotionally invested in Mitt Romney’s campaign than any other campaign that I’ve ever been a part of. I was upset for days after he lost the primary. I really thought he could win. Maybe he’ll run again in 2012, or maybe he’ll run for Governor again or something. Right now he’s back in the private sector, working for Marriott, but he’s also the founder of a political action committee, Free Strong America, so he’s still definitely politically active. He wrote a fantastic op-ed piece that was published in the New York Times about the Detroit auto-industry fiasco. Here it is: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/19/opinion/19romney.html

Steve Pierce- I love the first line of his bio “I’m a rancher, not a politician.” Ha ha ha. Really, I think I may be a sucker for any politician in a cowboy hat. I think I voted for him, but I don’t know if he won or not. http://www.electstevepierce.com/

Sydney Hay- Speaking of politicians in cowboy hats, I don’t know too much about Sydney Hay, except that I met her at a rodeo, when she was wearing an adorable pink cowboy hat. (Or maybe her hat was white and her shirt was pink.) She was the Republican running against Ann Kirkpatrick for U.S. Representative for Arizona last November. I voted for her, but unfortunately, she lost.

There are a lot of other politicians I like, but there’s another politician I didn’t mention: Me! Telemoonfa! The Politician of the Future!

Ok, ok, so I’ve never held public office or ran for anything, but here’s a rough draft of my platform so far:

My fellow Americans, if I am fortunate enough to be your next mayor/representative/senator/town council member/school board member/mine inspector/cruel dictator/county sheriff, then that would be so totally awesome.

I’m a Republican, and I want a smaller government, and I want more freedom for individuals… and groups too. Did I mention I’m into jazz? I’m pro-growth, pro-business, pro-justice, pro-democracy, and I would spend money on roads because somebody’s gotta do something about those potholes for crying out loud. Um… and I would do a lot of other cool stuff too.

Look! Here’s something I can do that my opponents can’t do: I can recite the entire US Constitution from memory! That proves that I love America more than my opponent!

I support the troops!

I dress well!

And if you donate $100 to the cause of Liberty (via Telemoonfa’s campaign), you’ll get this limited-edition plush bald eagle, Freedom the Wonder Eagle, reminding you of our heroic terror-fighting National Bird and his endless fight against injustice! Squeeze him once and he sings “God Bless America!” Squeeze him the second time and he says, “Liberty is Telemoonfa’s BFF” (Teenagers love that one:) But wait! Squeeze Freedom the Wonder Eagle a third time and little Freedy does something so fantastic that I can’t reveal it now… but rumor has it there’s a hologram involved!!!

And if you donate $1,000 to my campaign, I’ll throw in this hand-painted papier-mâché turkey, made by real American Schoolchildren, complete with real time wing-flapping and gobbling action, reminding you that Thanksgiving is Thanks-America! A Turkey for donating to Telemoonfa’s campaign? Now that’s what I call red white and blue!

Remember folks, as you head out to the voting booths, a vote for Telemoonfa is a vote for Fantasticness!

Sincerely,
Telemoonfa