Friday, October 24, 2014

BLAST-OFF!!! R U a Honey-Cruncher Kid?!

Honey-Cruncher kids are cool and sly-
(just like Honey-Crunchers!) so they buy
all the Honey-Cruncher products, regardless
of price or quality! So go ahead, make a mess!

Overflow your bowl with Big Buzzy Buzzers
with your breakfast pals, the BumbleBee Brothers!
Then BLAST OFF to the nearest grocery store
and make Mom buy Honey-Cruncher stuff galore!

Like Buzzer-Blasting Berry O’s
Golden Chocolate Goblin Toes
Mighty Stingray Sugar Squares
Hibernating Marshmallow Bears

Rainbow Happy Twizzle Sticks
Cereal Experiment Number Six
Rhino-Dino Cinnamon-Bites
and limited-edition Licorice Knights

Get every Honey-Cruncher box on the shelf
because only then can you consider yourself
a true Honey-Cruncher kid, loyal to the brand.
Buy ‘em all. Eat ‘em all.  Then buy more!  Understand?!

Saturday, October 11, 2014

To the Woman Who Gave Me A Scholarship in 2005

Nine years ago I wrote a thousand-word essay
extolling the virtues of formal education,
licked an envelope, and mailed it away.
Do you remember my application?
My essay declared I was going to be a teacher.
I was going to dazzle a thousand students
with the grandeur of British Literature
and the beauty of a diagrammed sentence.
And you were philanthropic, or maybe drunk on beer.
Whatever the case, kind woman, you gave me money.
Turns out I only taught for one single year,
a year of darkness, failure, and hatred. Isn’t that funny?
Now I work the morning shift at a blue-collar job.
I manufacture auto parts, and I don’t care much for school.
You used to know me as Robert, but now I go by Bob.
In my spare time, I bake. Those students sure were cruel.
So we learn many have cast their bread upon the water,
and do not have it returned to them again.
Instead their bread is thoughtlessly gobbled by an otter
who gives nothing in return, only goes off to swim.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Rocks In My Front Yard, Formed Into A Spiral

That pink one’s called rose quartz, the only one I know the name of.
That’s the rock most people like, so that’s why I put it above
all the others. Above, or rather, in front, if you look at it this way,
from the street, which is how most people see the spiral anyway.
Some of these - see the gold and green? - I bought at a rock shop,
like this rough one with a jagged yellow streak on top.
It’s a little store, in Mesa, on Alma School and the 202,
I’ve stopped in there a couple times, just to see what's new.
Most of them I found in the forrest a few miles north of Payson.
I drove up there with Jasper, looked at him long and said, “Son,
here we have a thousand rocks. Seek the one that's seeking you.”
And that’s how I got this white one, speckled with flecks of blue.
Oh, and I know the name of this one, too: petrified wood. 
Want to hear something funny? The truth is, nobody should
call it petrified wood, since it’s not wood, speaking scientifically,
It’s rock. Well, it’s alright. Call it wood. I don’t mean to disagree.
Petrified wood, petrified wood, petrified wood... Ha! It’s a lie!
It’s sediment that gathers in watery wood, and centuries go by
until it solidifies into rock, and that’s what I've got here in my hand,
a thing transformed. So, really, it’s made up of tiny rocks, or sand.
But it’s not wood. Oh, and this one's called a lava rock.
I found it about a year ago when I walked around the block
looking for vacant homes, and I trespassed onto some property,
and took some rocks. I know it's illegal. But so what? See?
Now I have a giant rock spiral, and spirals sure feel good.
And I don’t even mind if the kids in the neighborhood
dare one another to touch my rocks in the darkest hours of night.
The kids who touch these rocks will one day turn out right.