Monday, December 31, 2012

Return of the Love Advice!

Dear Readers,

Remember how I give love advice?  Well, here's some more!  Remember to write in with your questions!   The love doctor is in!

Dear Telemoonfa,
OK so the other day I saw this guy and he was so hot and I was like “Oh my goodness!  I’m so in love!” So I went up to him and I was like “Hey!” and he was like “Hey,” and I was like, “So what’s up?” and he was like “Nothing.”  And then I didn’t really know what to do next so I said “I like your hair,”  even though his hair needed to be styled but I didn’t know what else to say, you know?  And he said, “Cool.” But then he didn’t say anything else and I didn’t say anything else and he just started skateboarding with his friends.  Well who’s more important, his skateboarder friends, who are probably drug-users, or me?  I’m his future wife!  I’m going to make his hair perfect and make him quit skateboarding and he’s going to love me for it!  How do I find him again?  What’s my next move?  It’s like he’s so dumb he doesn’t even know we’re soul-mates but we just so totally are! Help!

Skater-hater 17


Dear Skater-hater 17,

Obviously this guy is sooooo into you, but sometimes guys need help uncovering their own feelings.  You’ve already tried subtlety and flirtation, now I suggest you move on to brute force.  Once you find him again, discreetly slip a pass-out pill into his soda.  Then dress up like a nurse.  When he faints, his deadbeat skater friends will be like, “Dude, maybe we should take him to a hospital or something man…” and then you’ll come out in your nurse costume and say, “I know what to do!  I will treat him in my private nurse house for curing people.  First I have to take him away in my car.” And then put his passed-out body in your car.  His skater friends will go along with it.  They are deadbeat skateboarders, after all.  If they protest or show signs of suspicion, inject them with your needles.  The needles will be kept in your nurse’s pouch.  And there is poison in the needles.  So then take him back to your bedroom and wait until he wakes up.  When he does, just say, “Say hello to your new wife!”  At this point, there will be so much to talk about that the conversation will grow organically from there.



Dear Telemoonfa,
I’ve been on three dates with this lady.  She’s a farm lady.  I know that because she’s always wearing overalls and talking about pigs.  She raised the biggest fattest pig and got a blue ribbon for it.  She wants me to live on the pig farm with her, but I’d rather live somewhere where it doesn’t stink all the time.  I want to be a metaphysical lawyer.  It sounds crazy, I know, but it’s a field that’s really growing.  Spirits have rights, too.  There are ghosts around us.  I can just feel it in the air.  Anyway, should I pursue this relationship further, or should I get out?  Oh, and there’s another girl I like, and she rides a scooter.  Should I pick her instead?


Glockforn, the Spirit Attorney


Dear Glockforn,
Look, Glockforn, buddy, before you get tied down into a serious relationship, I think you need to take a little bit more care of yourself.   Look in the mirror.  You’ve got to get it together, man!  Once they get into your mind, it’s all over.  There are dark forces after you, and it’s very probable that these dark forces have possessed the body of the pig lady, and used her to infiltrate your mind.  It’s clear that you have feelings for her.  That means the dark forces have a foothold in you, my friend.  They’re trying to open up a portal, from their world to our world.  It’s all part of their dastardly plot to squelch the cries of the disenfranchised spirits you care so much about.  Have you tried harnessing atmospheric energy beams on half-moon nights and sending out a cosmic love-ray into inner space?  That might help.  Or maybe that’s just what they want you to do.  Glockforn, the Spirit Attorney, I want to think that this pig farmer lady is real, but I suspect she’s a spirit, or some sort of puppet of the dark forces who are after you.   Forget the pig lady.  Do not be fooled by her quaint overalls and her folksy humor.  You need to find someone who is on the same plane of being as you.  In other words, when you’re looking for someone to woo, it makes everything less messy if you make your object of affection a mortal human.   Go with the scooter girl. 



Dear Telemoonfa,

My boyfriend just texted me and said, “I want to break up.  This is not a joke.  Consider our relationship ended.  Do not respond.”  What is he trying to say?

Confused Texter


Dear Confused,

Guy’s humor is funny.  When a guy says that something is not a joke, that’s just his sly way of letting you know that it really is a joke.  Why would he deny it being a joke, out of nowhere?   He said that because it truly is a joke, and the reality is, he does not want to break up.  In fact, he wants to marry you.   Respond  to your BF with the following text: “LOL u r a funny 1!  That’s Y we’re sooooo purrfect (purr like a kitty, get it?!) for eachother.  Wanna BBQ at my place 2nite?!  I’m grilling 1 giant hamburger in the shape of a heart so we can eat it 2gether 2 symbolize our everlasting love!”  If he doesn’t respond, do not be discouraged.  Go through with your barbeque plans, and at long last he will arrive, hoisting in his right hand an engagement ring!


You are my spirit sibling.

Dear Readers,

Maybe you've noticed that this blog has been more religious lately.  Well, that's because I've been more religious lately.  And I've been more religious lately because THIS COUNTRY IS GOING TO HECK!!! 

Obama won, gay marriage pretty much got legalized by a popular vote of the people in three states, marijuana got legalized for recreational purposes in two states, we're on the fast-track to socialized medicine and I'm really really mad!

Well, I was really really mad right after the election.  I was downright depressed for a long time, actually, and freaked out.  But now, almost two months later, my mind is a little more settled.  There's no use being mad for a long time about stuff I can't control, I say to myself.  I can't control national politics.  I can't really control local politics either. 

So, I hate to be Mr. Doomy-Gloomy, but I don't know if America can get back on the right track.  I don't know how we're going to fix the student-loan problem, the health care problem, the U.S. soldiers committing suicide problem, the national debt problem, the runaway entitlement problem, the ballooning federal government problem, and a bunch of other problems.  With Obama and the Democrats at the helm, I don't think these problems will be fixed.  Instead, I think the economic and moral vitality of this nation will wither.  It's very sad.

If Americans re-elected Obama, who will they elect next?  Joe Biden?  Hillary Clinton?  The corpse of Joseph Stalin? 

Obama has a terrible track record on just about every issue.  He's done very unethical things in regards to Fast and Furious and the Benghazi attack.  And remember Solyndra?  And remember the shifty passage of Obamacare?  And remember the recess appointments when congress wasn't really in recess?  And remember when Obama did nothing about the national deficit and the national debt?  And yet... he won. 

I guess Americans want socialism now.  I guess unashamed Christian capitalists like me are in the minority. 

This last election reflects a dark facet of human nature, folks.  It sounds strange, but many people want to be slaves.  This is the message of the Exodus from Egypt, as recorded in the Old Testament.  When the children of Israel were wandering in the desert for forty years, many of them wanted to go back to Egypt and become slaves again.  Why?  Because even though they were slaves in Egypt, they at least had food and water, and they were cared for by their masters.  In the desert, they only had manna, and they had to govern themselves a little more than they were used to. 

If the House of Israel had been a democracy, they probably would have voted to return to Egypt.  But God had his eye on his chosen people.  He called Moses to lead them.  God established a monarchy, basically.  Moses was essentially the King.  But he was a good king.  He was a King led by God.  And so God was their King.  And so the House of Israel eventually got to the Promised Land, conquered their ungodly enemies, and prospered.

But do Americans want God to be their King?  Or would they rather have Obama be their king?  Judging from the last election, it seems that  Americans would rather have the security and predictability of a big government nanny state than face the dangers of the Wild West.

I'm not saying that Mitt Romney is God.  He's not.  And I'm not saying that the Republican party is God's chosen political party.  It's not. 

I do think that God wanted Mitt Romney to win, though, because a Mitt Romney election would have led to laws that are more in line with God's ways.  For example, with Obama as our President, I think gay marriage is more likely to be legalized.  And I think that God is opposed to gay marriage.  For another example, with Obama as our President, I think that abortion will be more prevalent, because his administration seems to be pro-abortion.  Also, Obama has no sympathy for the Catholics who say they will not comply with the HHS regulations that makes them provide free contraception to their employees.  Obama will probably fine or imprison the Catholic leaders who defy his orders.  I think Romney would have done a better job at preserving religious liberty.

I'm not saying that if Romney would have won, Americans would have repented in sackcloth and ashes.  Most likely they would have mocked Romney for four years and continued on in their wicked ways.  

Conservatives laugh at the idea of Joe Biden running and winning in 2016, but I think the media will get behind whoever the Democratic nominee is, and will attack whoever the Republican nominee is.  And I think the country will go along with it, and... well... I suppose if the next few years get really bad, if the economy gets worse, and the Republicans put up a really charismatic nominee, like Marco Rubio, or maybe Chris Christie, maybe we can win. 

But even if the Republicans gain some seats in the midterm election, and win the Presidency in 2016, I'm still pessimistic.  The Supreme Court will be more liberal by then, more of America's sovereignty will be given to the United Nations by then, and Obamacare will be further and further in place, never to be removed.  (Theoretically Obamacare can be repealed, but practically speaking, I don't think it will be.  At that point, it would be like repealing Social Security.) 

And so where does America go?  Look at Greece.  That's where we're headed.  It's ugly.  More poverty.  More suffering.  More and more people fighting over a smaller and smaller pie.

But I don't know what to do about it, except vent on Telemoonfa Time and try to get prepared for the Second Coming of Jesus Christ.  I need to get food storage ready, and water storage ready, and I need to learn some survival skills, and I need to get myself and my loved ones right with God.  And even if Jesus Christ doesn't come back in my life time, it won't hurt to get prepared.  Being prepared will settle my mind.  "If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear." 

Although, it's probably more important to get spiritually prepared than temporally prepared.  So that's why my blog has been more religous lately.

Well, enough ranting.

Oh, but I also want to extend the olive branch to the Democrats I've been arguing with lately.  You are not my enemy.  I think you are all pretty swell people.  It's your ideas that I think are wrong.  You've been misinformed by school teachers and by Hollywood and by the news media.  Maybe you can take advantage of the non-election year that is upon us and study out the principles of conservatism and the principles of liberalism, and look at case-studies of where these political philosophies have been put into place, and ask yourself, which political philosophy better serves humanity?  I think it is conservatism- social, fiscal, and national security conservatism.

Another thing I want to say is that I'm thankful that I have the free speech to voice my views, even though they may not be popular right now.  Thanks for reading.  I hope the best for you. 

And hey, if you need a place to stay for a while, or if you need some food to eat, you can call on Telemoonfa.  I'll help you out.  You are my spirit sibling.  We're all children of the same God.  But bear in mind, if you stay at my house, you will be subject to my preaching.  Ha ha ha.


Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Continuity. Insulation. Meditation. Progression. Deification.

Cell phones, spaceships, invisibility cloaks,
axes, picks, buzz-saws, cars, the cotton gin,
materials harvested, organs dissected, 
powers from the brown brown earth harnessed,
decoded, manipulated, metal put to new use,
new use, new use, newer use,
elements discovered, elements cooked. 
Eggs.  Cooked.  Over easy.  Cracking that
shell of a chicken egg, smack, smack, and smack.

Puppets.  Space puppets.  Space puppets, invisible.
Invisible space cookie-puppets that talk,
cookies, made with macadamia nuts, that are humans,
human cookies.  Humans offering themselves up
to be consumed, arranging themselves, 
as the synchronized swimmers do,
cookies to be eaten by other humans.

These things bring me, they bring all of us, close to godhood,
they bring us close to God, who is the Man
who speaks through the telegraph, through the cellular phone,
who speaks in a still small voice on sundry occasions, 
and on other sundry occasions he eats cookies,
while pulling on the strings of the puppets. 

Sunday, December 23, 2012

The Murdocks Get Merry

Dear Readers,

The following is a little play I wrote recently for my sister who teaches a dance class for young girls in Sahuarita, Arizona.  Mostly the play is just a bunch of segues between song and dance numbers.  The words in bold are songs. It was actually performed a few weeks ago in the Sahuarita School District Auditorium.  Enjoy.

House music plays.  Grand curtain opens to reveal the living room of a well to do family, decorated for a Christmas party.  Prudence Murdock enters, powdering her face.  She is followed by Sophie, a maid.

Prudence: Tinsel! Green!  Red!  A poinsettia!  The stockings were hung by the chimney with care!

Sophie: So you like it Mrs. Murdock?  You like how I decorated for tonight’s Christmas party?

Prudence: Don’t rush my judgment, Sophie.  I haven’t properly inspected.  First overall impression… charming.  Upon closely examining this tablecloth, however, I see what can only be described as an imperfection.

Sophie: Oh, no, I wanted so bad to make it pretty.

Prudence: Certainly you did. 

Sophie: I wanted to make it real good, real good for Christmas.

Prudence: I know your heart Sophie, my dutiful maid, and it is pure.  But alas, Sophie, your heart’s purity has proven powerless at producing a symmetrically placed tablecloth.

Sophie: Did I do a bad thing?

Prudence: (measures with tape measure) The distance from the floor to the tablecloth on this side is two feet, two inches.  The distance from the floor to the tablecloth on this side is two feet, two and a half inches.  That’s an entire half-inch of discrepancy!  A walloping half-inch of imperfection!  Out with you!   (Sophie goes to door.  She wants to stay, and earn back Prudence’s approval. )   Out! 

Sophie (at doorway) All I wanted to do was make some people happy with Christmas and with the ribbons and make the little children smile.

Prudence: Out!  (Sophie exits) Charles!  The time is 6:03.  Charles! 6:03!

(Charles enters)

Charles: Yes honey, I know what time it is.

Prudence: And where were you to be at 6?  What was the previously agreed upon minute designated for the pre-party wardrobe inspection?

Charles: I don’t know.

Prudence: You infuriate me.  Here!  You were to be here! 

Charles: I don’t care.

Prudence: Merry Christmas.

Charles: Merry Christmas to you.

(Sarah enters)

Sarah: Merry Christmas to us all!

Prudence: Ah, Sarah.  Sarah my lovely daughter.  Your mere arrival brings a sweetness to a day made bitter by tardy husbands and imperfectly aligned tablecloths.

Sarah: (aside) I wish I had a Mom who talked normally.

Prudence: (she points at Charles’ tie) What is that? 

Charles: My tie.

Prudence: It is not the tie to which I refer, but the brown smear that is defiling the tie!

Charles: Oh, that. It’s hot chocolate.  I was drinking it and… woops.

Sarah: Don’t get too worked up, Mom.  Nothing says Christmas like hot chocolate.

Charles: I like hot chocolate.

Hot chocolate song

Prudence: Oh, what a lovely song that was. 

Sarah: Yes, lovely. Lovely.

Charles: Lovely lovely lovely.

Prudence: All this love almost makes me want to invite Sophie back in for a cup of hot chocolate.

(Sophie enters)

Sophie: Did you say, you want me to come back in?

Prudence:  Sophie!  Were you eavesdropping?  You know how I feel about those who press ears to doors.  

Sophie: Yes ma’am.  Sorry ma’am.

(Sophie exits)

Charles: Prudence, you’re being a bit of a Grinch, don’t you think?

Prudence:  I think you’re the mean one, Mr. Grinch!  (storms off in a huff)

You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch

Sarah: Sometimes I don’t know who’s a bigger Grinch, my Mom or my Dad.

Prudence: 6:15!  The guests will be arriving any minute!!  Any second!  Charles, did you get that invitation hand-delivered to the Senator?

Charles:  Yes, dear, but I doubt he’ll be here. I’m sure the Senator has more pressing parties to attend.

Prudence: You underestimate my renown.  And you underestimate the reputation of my Christmas parties. 

Sarah: Mom, Dad, everyone, the guests are arriving!

(All guests enter.)

Random Guest # 1:  Yo check this, Miss M.  Your parties rock!

Random Guest # 2:  You said it.  Tonight, we’ll be rocking around the Christmas tree!

Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree

Prudence:  These guests are a bit rambunctious.  Sophie, enter!  (Sophie enters with a platter of cookies.) Serve the cookies.

(Guests start eating cookies.)

Sarah: (aside) I wish Mom would get into the Christmas spirit.  Parties are for fun, not impressing people.  Hmmm.  Maybe if I compliment her cookies, she’ll lighten up. (to Mom) Mom, these cookies sure are scrumptious.

(Human cookies enter)

Cookie Song

Charles:  Yes, these cookies are great.  And the guests are great.  Like you, for example, in the sombrero.  You’re a great, grand, wonderful guest- downright delightful- and I don’t even know who you are.  I don’t even know where you’re from. 

Guest: I’m from Mexico.

Charles:  Mexico! I’ve never been.  What’s it like?

Guest:  Well, I could tell you, but I’d rather just show you.  Amigos, vamanos!

Burro Song

Prudence: Charming.  That was charming.  (looks in handheld mirror) Charming like my Christmas hairdo.  Ah!  The tablecloth!  It has become crooked once again!  Something is rotten in the house of Murdock.  (straightens tablecloth with help of tape measure.)

Sarah: (aside) Wow.  Mom totally does not get it.  Mom, what do you think Christmas is all about?

Prudence:  Oh, you know, it’s about presents, parties, candy canes, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Sarah: Well, parties and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer are great, but I feel like Christmas should mean something more.

Where Are You Christmas? 

(Charles is touched by Sarah’s song.  He walks to Sarah.) 

Charles: That was beautiful Sarah, and you’re absolutely right.  Christmas has a deeper meaning.  We celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ.

O Holy Night.


Wise Old Jew Ben Stein wants Christians to Flagrantly Celebrate Christmas: Telemoonfa Concurs, Telemoonfa Copies, and Telemoonfa Pastes

My confession:
I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejewelled trees, Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are, Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a nativity scene, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Hurricane Katrina). Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives.And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'

In light of recent events... terrorist attacks, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill; thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said okay.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell.
Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.

Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.

Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing yet?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit.

If not, then just discard it.... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what a bad shape the world is in.

My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,

Ben Stein

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Matthew 11:28-30

Dear Readers,

In Matthew 11:28-30, Christ says,

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

For a long time I thought this scripture was about the Atonement.  I thought that Christ was saying, "If you are suffering under the weight of sin or trials, give them to me.  Tell me all about it, and the miracle of my Atonement will make you feel better right now."  And I thought that when Christ said that his burden was light, he was kind of lying.  I thought he was just telling us that to make us feel better, even though it really wasn't true, like when somebody says, "Oh don't worry about it, I can deliver these flowers for you.  I'm not busy at all." Or if you call someone late at night and ask for a favor, they sometime tell a white lie and say, "Oh, no, you didn't wake me up."

I mean, how was Christ's yoke light?  He went through all that suffering.  He was persecuted, mocked scourged, defamed, lied about, betrayed, and crucified. 

My former interpretation of Matthew 11:28-30 was good, but now I think that the "yoke" Christ is referring to isn't his own personal difficulties, rather it refers to the Christian life.  Putting on the yoke of Christ is living the life of a Christian.  And living the Christian life is easy.  I don't mean easy in the usual, modern sense, like a 25-piece puzzle is easy.  Sometimes the Christian life is difficult.  Standing up for what's right even when its not popular, enduring persecution, doing missionary work and just getting through the day-to-day toil of honestly earning a living: these things are not easy.  I know from experience.  Not that I'm an expert on living the Christian life.  Although I admire it and aspire to it, many times I am far from it.  I am far, far from having the trials of the early Christians that Paul talks about in Hebrews 11-35-38:

Women received their dead raised to life again: and others were tortured, not accepting deliverance; that they might obtain a better resurrection: And others had trial of cruel mockings and scourgings, yea, moreover of bonds and imprisonment: They were stoned, they were sawn asunder, were tempted, were slain with the sword: they wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins; being destitute, afflicted, tormented; (of whom the world was not worthy:) they wandered in deserts, and in mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth.

Notwithstanding all these outward sufferings, living the Christian life, or in other words, taking the yoke of Christ upon you, is easy.  The yoke of Christ gives you an inward peace.

I could write more about this, but really I'm just stealing the ideas I got from this interesting sermon that I randomly found when I googled, "What is Christ's yoke?" I didn't read the whole thing, but what I read was great.

Lately I've been down about the direction of the nation.  As a society, we're abandoning our Judeo-Christian morals.  But I find solace in the words of Christ. 

I haven't written much on this blog lately just because I've been busy, but I hope to write more often. 

I don't know.  I hope you enjoy this blog.  If not, well, at least I enjoy it.

OK, well, Merry Christmas everyone.



Q: How does Jesus like his fried eggs?
A: Over Easy.  Remember?  He said his yolk was easy.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Galileo was Catholic

Dear Readers,

Atheists, communists, and secular humanists like to make the Catholic Church look as bad as possible.  One of their favorite ways to do this is by bringing up the trial of Galileo.  The communist playwright Bertolt Brecht, for example, wrote a play called Life of Galileo which focused heavily on the trial.  The short version of the story goes something like this:

During medieval times in Europe, The Catholic Church ruled church and state and school and science and everything.  That was bad.  The Pope and cardinals and priests and all the rest of the piou-faced theocrats agreed in a geocentric universe- that the earth was at the center of the universe and everything revolved around it.  Then some scientists came along with telescopes.  These scientists were based in reason and rationality.  They used the scientific method as their guide, not the out-dated dogma of the Church. 

The scientists saw some things in the sky that made them think that the earth, in fact, revolved around the sun.  Well, that made the Catholic Church mad.  They went on a witch-hunt to punish all the heretics.  Galileo said, “Oh, please don’t hurt me, priests.  I'm just a scientist.  I come with a message of truth.  Look, see, I brought my telescope.  Why don’t you look through it and see what you think?” 

Well, the priests wouldn’t look through the telescope.  Remember, they were bad, and they hated science.  Some of them wouldn’t even touch the telescope because they were scared of it.  So the Catholic Church put Galileo on house arrest and burned all his books.  

End of story.  

But the spirit of Galileo lives in us all now, don't you see?  We can all be martyrs for science!  We all can help move the good work of Galileo along by abandoning religious traditions, mocking anyone who claims to have authority from God, denying revelation, and instead look to science, reason and secularism for guidance.  And one day we'll reach the grand Utopia where Science is enthroned at last.

What’s missing in this slanted story?  One simple, essential fact:

Galileo was Catholic. 

Galileo came from a Catholic background, a Catholic world, and a Catholic culture.  His quest for discovery of the natural world and the physics that make it all work was motivated by a belief in God.  His curiosity was inspired by God.  God worked through the hierarchy of the Catholic Church to establish relative peace and prosperity, an environment in which a man like Galileo could do his work and make his discoveries. Galileo’s disciplined work of making observations of the heavens with his telescope and writing them down and sorting out theories and consulting with other Catholic scientists was the result of a Catholic culture.

Is it just a coincidence that many of the great artists and inventors came from a Catholic background?  Is it just a coincidence that Leonardo Da Vinci was Catholic, and Michelangelo was Catholic, and Gutenberg was Catholic?  These men and their ideas and their works of art and their inventions didn’t come from a secular humanist culture.  They came from an intensely religious culture.

Look, I value the art and inventions and scientific contributions of Africa, Asia and indigenous people of wherever, but all the really great stuff came from Western Civilization.  And where did Western Civilization come from?  Where did modern Europe and modern America with its wonderful prosperity, literacy, freedom, social mobility, sanitation, arts, sciences, and symphonies come from?  They came from the cultural foundations laid painstakingly, generation after generation, by Jews and Christians.  They came from God.

Another interesting person who just happened to be Catholic: Martin Luther.  Luther, though he rebelled against the Pope and the practice of indulgences and etc., will be forever indebted to the Catholic Church.  Luther received his education and character primarily in a Catholic family and in a Catholic monastery.

I could have written another blog post called “Joan of Arc was Catholic.”  In that hypothetical post, I would have made the same argument.  Anti-Catholics love to point out that the Catholic Church was so bad and so mean and so wrong for burning Joan of Arc.  But what these critics fail to realize is that Joan of Arc herself was Catholic.  She was raised in a Catholic culture.  She was taught to believe in God, to pray, to respect elders and traditions.  Other cultures just don't produce as many Joan of Arcs.

Show me a great artist or inventor who came from an atheist family and an atheist culture.  Sure, many successful artists and scientists today are atheists or secular humanists, but I dare say that these folks are riding on the coattails of the religious people who were the pioneers in their fields.  Stephen Hawking is riding on the coattails of Galileo.  They are also riding on the coattails of those religious people (George Washington, the Pope, etc.) who established the culture in which their art and science could flourish.  They are also riding on the coattails of the religious people who founded Universities.

What’s interesting is that even the communist playwright Brecht came from a religious culture.  According to Wikipedia, he had “a devout Protestant mother.”  Freud also came from a religious culture.  And so did Woody Allen.  And so did Christopher Hitchens. 

Maybe the best atheists were once Christians (Christopher Hitchens, Marilyn Manson), and maybe the best Christians were once atheists (C.S. Lewis, Peter Hitchens, Saul/Paul).

I think what we ought to do now is embrace Christianity.

I had another daughter last Tuesday.  Now I have two children.  They are both going to be Mormon.  They are both going to be Christian.  Isn’t that wonderful?


Wednesday, October 31, 2012


October is when fall starts falling
further and further into winter.
The weather's nice, here in Arizona,
in October, in this October. I hear this every year,
and every year it gets sweeter to hear
from a neighbor, from a co-worker,
from a wife, from a child, from the guy
waiting at the bus stop, from the smiling lady
in the apron, moving closer and closer to you.
After she says the weather's nice
and after you say the weather's nice
she asks if you want french fries or
potato wedges, and what kind of dressing
for the salad?  Italian, blue cheese, or ranch?
Those are the options.

There's nothing like the agreement,
the simplicity, the shared experience
that October brings.

There's nothing like
giving voice to the way we feel
about something so primal:
"It's beautiful out here."

There's nothing like
The acknowledgement of the air
that surrounds us, and the wind
that presses against our bodies
as we talk, seated on the patio,
at the end of another day.

We're not in this thing alone.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

I think I'll stick with Christianity

First thing this morning it was cold
so I went back inside
and now it's around ten 
and I'm out again.  It's warming up.
I'm barefoot, and there's really
nothing I have to do right now.

Winter is coming,
but so is another summer.

A bird lands on a branch,
weighing it down,
moves the branch and its leaves 
down and back up, down and back up. 
The dark bird with white eyes
looks forward, looks this way, looks that way,
leaps, spreads his wings, glides off 
into flight, into sunlight.  
Athletic.  Majestic.  
This happens every day.

He must have a reason to arrive
and he must have a reason to depart.  
It's bird business I know nothing about.
I am a witness to the bird's activity,
his beautiful, animal activity, 
but I will never be a judge.

I have sympathy for the heathens who 
worshiped the sun.  They never knew Jesus.
They never felt the salvation that springs from
joining his flock, of being found
by the Good Shepherd,
cast upon his broad, strong shoulders,
finding pasture, finding rest.

And yet I imagine the ancient illiterate ones,
the ones without Bibles, felt spiritual strength
flowing into them, flowing from the sun,
and I imagine they absorbed a feeling of transcendence,
however erroneous and however doctrinally impure,
whenever they opened themselves to the beams
that streamed day by glorious day 
from the orb floating in the sky, 
the orb, that, like the great I AM,
cannot be looked upon directly.

They worshiped the sun, 
the same sun that now upon us shines.
Can you believe that?

It wasn't a bad idea.
The sun is always there, 
though hidden at times by the earth 
and hidden at times by the clouds,
but it's always there,
whether you give it cursings 
or whether you give it praise.
It feels better to give it praise.

But the heathens got carried away.
If they had settled with the soft-spoken decency
and the cyclical, sacred nature of life 
that seems to come from the sun,
if they had quietly felt the serenity
that emanates from a sunlit afternoon,
maybe things would have worked out,
maybe they would have been happier.

Instead they whipped each other until
they finally finished the Pyramids
and they started stabbing people in the heart
and the blood flowed down grooves 
carved into an altar, collected in clay pots
and the pagans took turns drinking it, 
chanting some mumbo-jumbo
about a blood-thirsty sun
that would cause the rain to fall once again
all because they killed another guy
and drank his blood. 

I think I'll stick with Christianity.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Mitt Romney Wins the First Presidential Debate

Dear Readers,

Did you see the debate last night between Romney and Obama?  Mitt Romney totally won!  He was informed, optimistic, tough, specific when he needed to be and general when he needed to be. Romney was passionate, and in command of the facts.  If I had to use one word to describe Mitt Romney in the debate last night, it would be this one: presidential.

Romney was presiding!  He was leading!  Wherever Romney's going, I want to follow!   

You know, I always get nervous when a politician says, "There are five things we need to do to get the economy moving again." and then starts to list them.  I get nervous because I'm afraid another Rick Perry moment will happen, and they'll forget one of their items.  But Romney never forgot any of his points! 

Obama looked bored, and he was almost always on the defense, and he stuttered and paused too much.  Obama's really just not as good without a teleprompter.

Most of the debate was about the economy, and that's Romney's strong subject, having lived and worked in the private economy most of his life.  Obama, on the other hand, has been a lawyer and a professor and a politician and a community organizer.  He uses phrases like, "make payroll" and "reduce overhead" but really he has no clue what it's like to really make payroll and reduce overhead.

Mitt Romney's going to win this thing, man. I can just feel it.  He's going all the way to the White House.

What a great time to be an American.


Saturday, September 29, 2012


Since September is here,
and we're also here,
let's have a poem, a poem for it,
for September, for us, and for here.
Not three poems, but one.  Though, 
admittedly, September is a poem with three parts,
or a poem with four parts, 
or five parts, or one part,
the number of parts being predicated 
upon on the number of partitions, obviously,
and less obviously upon the particular 
partitioning habits of the partition-er, 
i.e., the one who partitions
i.e. you, or us, or them.
Unlike previous Septembers when we wandered in
a fog of un-timed time, stupid neanderthals bashing
beast heads and bragging about it with a grunt and a chuckle,
this September, September 2012, we honor the word part
that started it all: the prefix "sept."

We thank you, sept, for being there.
We thank you, sept.  You are the prefix
before we knew the prefix, a pre-existent truth,
a self-actualizing conceptual entity,
with which we mere mirrors of words
and poor readers of calendars aspire to harmonize.

Thank you for getting things started.  
When we were silent, you were speaking,
announcing your monosyllabic self-sound, sept. 

I was once a baby without a month, 
and you, sept, with your friend, tember, 
having compassion, guided me gently into manhood. 

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Pray for Mitt

Dear Readers,

Our nation is at a crossroads.  Romney can help lead us to a moral and economic recovery.  Obama, if re-elected, will move America in a dangerous direction.  So, I think we should pray for Mitt Romney and pray that our fellow Americans will see that they should vote for Mitt Romney and support the traditional values that lead to peace and prosperity.

I got this email forward, and I thought I would post it on Telemoonfa Time.

Dear friends and family, I have been extremely frustrated with how things are going in our country.  A lot of my frustration is because I feel I don't know what to do to really make a change.  Well, this time I do. I am asking you to join me and my family on  Sunday Sept. 30 by fasting and praying for Mitt Romney.  That he will be blessed in the debates, which will be held Oct. 3rd.  I know that seems like such a small thing but I believe "from small things, great things can come about".   I know that fasting and praying brings about miracles.  I also know of no power greater that our Father in Heaven.   He loves this land and has blessed it many times before. . . with all our fasting and prayers their will be a great power and protection upon us and this great nation.  Please send this to all who you know that may have the faith to pray for the help we so desperately need at this time.  Please let this wave of faith move through out this great nation.   Thank you, 


Wednesday, September 19, 2012

A Reflection on The Lord’s Prayer

Dear Readers,

In Matthew 6:9 – 13, Jesus teaches us how to pray.  He gives the Lord’s Prayer, which is meant to serve as a model for Christian prayer.  Before he gives the sample prayer, Christ explains that his disciples should avoid praying in public to be seen of men, to get the praise and glory of men. He tells us first to go into our closets, and then to shut the door, and then to pray.  In other words, pray alone.  Christ is advocating an individual relationship with God.  Public prayer is important, of course, but the prayer that Jesus most frequently advocates is private, individual prayer.  I would argue that individual prayers are more important than public prayers.  For without individuals having personal relationships with God, public prayers done out of a sense of obligation or tradition eventually become empty ceremonies, a hollow traditional act that will eventually die off.

While introducing the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus teaches us not to use “vain repetitions.”  This means we should avoid reciting a prayer script.  Instead, we should say what’s in our hearts.  So, Jesus is not saying that we should memorize the Lord’s Prayer and recite it every day, but rather that we should use it as a rough guide for our personal prayers, expressed in our own words. 

Without further ado, here is the prayer:

Our Father, which art in Heaven, Hallowed be thy name.  Thy kingdom come.  Thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven.  Give us this day our daily bread.  And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.  And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.

I’d like to look at this prayer closely and make some thoughtful, faithful comments about each line.

Our Father, which art in Heaven,

Prayers are began by addressing God.  If you haven’t prayed much individually before, it may seem weird.  You may feel like you’re just talking to yourself.  But exercise faith that a higher power is listening, and just give prayer a try.  After a few, or a lot of prayers, you’ll feel more comfortable addressing Heavenly Father, and you’ll feel the love of God, and you’ll feel Him reaching out to you.

By using the term “father,” and the pronouns “He,” and “Him,” Jesus teaches us that God is male, or at least that our finite minds are best served by picturing a male God.  Also, Jesus was a Jew, and the Jews in Christ’s day, and today, thought of God as male.  Jesus continued that mythology of a male God.  Jesus was not a radical transformer that destroyed all of Judaism, wiped the slate clean, and then created Christianity.  He acknowledged the spiritual supremacy of Judaism.  He said that “Salvation is of the Jews.”  He accepted and propagated all the truth and goodness that Judaism had, and then dispensed with all the untrue and bad things that it had accumulated over the centuries.

Some of us modern feminist types aren’t comfortable with a male God.  I suppose that discomfort is understandable.  This is a subject for a longer treatment.  My advice for now is, just go along with it.  That’s what Jesus did.

Another important thing that the first line of The Lord’s Prayer does is establish the dichotomy between Heaven and Earth.  God lives in Heaven.  We live on Earth.  Things in Heaven work differently than they do on Earth.  God is the King of Heaven, and he is a good King.  Things are worse on Earth.  Mankind is fallen.

Hallowed be thy name.

“Hallowed” means sacred, or blessed.  Jesus is reinforcing the importance of sacred things in our lives.  God is special.  God is sacred.  Most of the stuff we deal with everyday, earning a paycheck, tending to household affairs, taking the trash bin to the curb, are not sacred in the way that God is sacred.

Thy kingdom come.  Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.

This means that when we pray, we should want the kingdom of God to come to the earth.  And what does wanting the kingdom of God to come to earth mean, exactly?  It could mean that we want the Christ’s Millennial Reign to occur, when Christ returns and rules as King, and the lion will lay down with the lamb.  That’s a good thing to want. 

Or it could also mean that we should want Heavenly ways to come down to earth, right here and right now.  Each interpretation is good. 

But whether we’re praying for a literal takeover of the wicked Earth by the Righteous Jesus, or whether we’re praying for God’s kingdom to get here in a more figurative way, the point is, we should want to make earth as heavenly as possible.  And we should ask for God’s assistance in endeavor, because we can’t do it on our own. 

Give us this day our daily bread.

We recognize that God is the source of our blessings, and so we pray to him to ask for more.  We recognize that every day we are dependent on God.  This is the moral of the manna from heaven story, when Moses and the House of Israel were wandering in the desert for forty years.  Remember, the children of Israel were not allowed to store the manna.  They had to gather it every morning, except on the Sabbath.  This taught them reliance on God. 

It is sad to see when people get so rich and so comfortable that they think that they don’t need God or his blessings.  Saying the Lord’s Prayer- or a prayer after the manner of the Lord’s Prayer- every day should help remind us that we are dependent on God for our blessings, our food, our shelter, our clothing, our breath and our heartbeat. 

“Give us this day our daily bread,” also teaches us that it’s okay, and in fact encouraged, to ask for more blessings.  God wants to bless us abundantly.

Also, this line teaches that prayer should not be an annual event in which we say, “Give us this year our yearly bread.”  Instead, we ask every day for daily bread.

And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

What a beautiful line.  We ask God for forgiveness, recognizing that no one but God can forgive us of our sins.  The prayer asks that God forgives us only insofar as we forgive others.  This brings to mind Matthew 7: 2, which says, “For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.”   Thus we are praying to forgive all those who owe us money or who have wronged us in any way. 

It’s really liberating to forgive others.  It’s actually a lot harder to hold on to a grudge.  And the great thing about forgiving others is that when we do it, we have assurance from the words of Jesus that we ourselves are also forgiven.  And when we are forgiven by God, we don’t have to worry about being punished for our sins.  We don’t have to hang our heads in shame for our sins and we don’t have to fell guilty all the time, because Christ has forgiven us. 

Now, does that mean that Christ has forgiven us for the sins we will commit tomorrow?  I don’t know.  Um, let’s not get bogged down in theology, okay?  Instead, let’s focus on behavior.  Asking for forgiveness every day helps us behave in a more Christ like way.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

The distinction between good and evil is acknowledged, and we are asking God to set us free from evil.

For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever.  Amen.


Friday, September 7, 2012

NAU’s 2012 – 2013 Theater Season

Dear Readers,

Another school year has arrived, and I still haven’t lost my unhealthy obsession with my alma mater, Northern Arizona University, and its practice of indoctrinating students with liberalism.  Nearly four years after graduating, I’m still trying to work through a lot of the psychological and political damage that was done to me in the theatre department and English department, while hanging on to all the positive experiences I had and skills and knowledge I acquired.  I'm being a little dramatic.  I guess being an English and Theater major at NAU didn't damage me, but it was bewildering to be immersed in so much liberalism for so long.  In fact I think one of the reasons I've become so conservative is because college was so liberal, so I rebelled against the liberalism college was trying to push on me.

Now that I have the clarity that comes with hindsight, I see that political liberalism inserts its slimy tentacles into every nook of Northern Arizona University, and it's not just in the ethnic studies or the gender studies department.  It's everywhere, from the recycling program to the campus entertainment, to the selection of course materials and professors.  Yes, NAU, along with pretty much all the public Universities in America, is very liberal, progressive, and socially decadent.  The liberalism can be demonstrated by the plays that the theater department performs every year.

Overall I think this year’s selection of plays is better than last year’s.  The thing I was most troubled about last year was the overtly political nature of Nickel and Dimed and the night with Luis Valdez.  

Mother Hicks by Suzan Zeder

It’s a family friendly play.  That’s nice.  It’s for kids. That’s really nice.  But alas, it is fraught with liberalism. 

No, I haven’t seen or read the play, but I’ve googled it enough now to reach the opinion that Mother Hicks promotes feminist, anti-religious themes.  The play features small-town religious folk who are hunting witches.  Mother Hicks is a feminist hero with supernatural powers who befriends an odd girl and instructs her in the ways of earthy, womanly power.  I’m sure the play promotes some good values, too, like courage in the face of adversity, questioning traditions, a connection with the wisdom of the past, but these positive values are overshadowed, I think, by the liberalism laced throughout Mother Hicks. 

If any theatre students at NAU are reading this, I want to say that I hope instead of hastily accepting the precepts taught in Mother Hicks, (for surely it does teach precepts, just as every play does) you will critically assess them, and perhaps challenge them.  Suzan Zeder is not God.  She’s not a prophet, or an angel.  She, along with many popular playwrights these days, has the trappings of wisdom, but I’m afraid she promotes a worldview that leads to the downfall of Western Civilization.  What authority does Zeder have, that you should so readily accept her worldview? 

I hope you challenge the ideas in your non-theatre classes, too.  If your professor assigns you to read “A People’s History of the United States of America” by Howard Zinn, I hope you read, “A Patriot’s History of the United States of America” by Larry Schweikart and Michael Allen.

If you watch, “An Inconvenient Truth” in a science class, I hope you’ll also watch “The Great Global Warming Swindle.

If your political science class studies Noam Chomsky’s or Edward Said’s views on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, I hope you’ll read “The Case for Israel” by Alan Dershowitz. 

I felt like many of the professors at Northern Arizona University presented a one-sided view of things.  NAU keeps talking about celebrating diversity- diversity of race, age, ability, sexual orientation, gender, national origin, and so on, but the only type of diversity they don’t want to celebrate, and in fact the type of diversity they stifle, is the only diversity that really matters: the diversity of opinions, the diversity of political and moral persuasions.  You Christian college students know what I’m talking about.  You “old-fashioned” students who consider it moral to suppress sexual activity until marriage know what I’m talking about.  You cowboys and soldiers and Republicans know what I’m talking about.  Gradually, in the college environment, your voices are being silenced. 

So why do I get so hung up on the subject matter in plays, and on the morals and the themes? Why can’t I just comment on the costumes or the acting or the lighting or the sound?  Why can’t I get caught up in the starry-eyed bliss of pyrotechnics and the outpouring of emotions like most audience members do? 

I suppose I feel constrained to talk about the morality of play selection because I love people, and I want what’s best for people, and I believe that I’ve found principles that lead toward greater happiness, prosperity, and social cohesion. These principles include the following: respect, strength in the face of evil, honesty, capitalism, hard work, individual responsibility, love, faith, justice, mercy.  These principles are best exemplified and elucidated by Jesus Christ.  These principles are good.  They lead toward the creation of good individuals, good families, and good societies. They ought to be propagated. 

One of the best ways to propagate righteous principles is through the medium of theatre.  And let us not pretend that there is any such thing as a non-political play, or a play without an agenda.  Even a non-agenda is an agenda.  Every performance of every play pushes culture in a particular direction, however slightly or dramatically.  No one who performs in a play or watches a play is exactly the same as he or she was before.  Thus, the burden of the playwright and the producer is to pick plays wisely.  When you select your plays, don’t think about what suits the transient passions of the moment, but pick a play that affirms eternal principles of righteousness.

Remember the wise words of Konstantin Stanislavsky, reminding us of the playwright's burden:

“Theatre is a pulpit which is the most powerful means of influence.” “With the same power with which theatre may ennoble the spectators, it may corrupt them, degrade them, spoil their taste, lower their passions, offend beauty.” “My task is to elevate the family of artists from the ignorant, the half-educated, and the profiteers, and to convey to the younger generation that an actor is the priest of beauty and truth.”

The High Altitude Festival of New Works

It’s a bunch of staged readings of new short plays written by students and faculty.

This is cool.  I would have liked to have participated in something like this when I was in college.  Heck, I’d like to participate in something like this now.  Hopefully they’ll get the English department involved.  Actors and makeup artists aren't always the best writers.

New new new.  Hmmm… In these modern times, I worry that too much emphasis is being placed on new works.  I’d like to see a return to ancient myths and legends and a return to “touchstones”, as Matthew Arnold used the term.  Nevertheless, I find myself wanting to write new, original plays and poems all the time.  Ha ha ha. 

Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare

Hey, speaking of touchstones, here’s one right here!  I love this play.  Good choice, theatre department.  Shakespeare is good for the soul.  Let’s keep it alive.

Dead Man’s Cell Phone by Sarah Ruhl

From reading the brief play synopsis, this sounds like a new and exciting dark comedy.  It deals with how social media and other new technologies are changing our culture, which is a subject I’ve been interested in ever since I read Technopoly: The Surrender of Culture to Technology by Neil Postman.  But you don’t go to plays for the themes, you go for the laughs, and Dead Man’s Cell Phone will surely deliver some of those.  It does say it has “mature themes and some strong language,” so once again, doing this play might alienate the wholesome, moral kids in the theatre department.  That’s a shame.

But then again, if the purpose of the theatre department is to prepare students for the real world of theatre and TV and movies, then NAU should do more plays like this.  If students want to get careers as actors in the entertainment industry, they need to practice convincingly reenacting murder, robbery, violence, profanity, promiscuity, and Sabbath-breaking for the amusement of others. 

Another High Altitude New Works Festival

Pride and Prejudice based on the novel by Jane Austen

Great!  Fantastic!  Hooray!  Great selection.  It will give the students a chance to use British accents! 

Well thanks for letting me voice my opinion, folks.  See you later.