Herman Cain wants us to think he's Christian. That's why he says he's "Baptist."
Herman Cain wants us to think he's a nice family man. That's why he's strategically placed himself among people he calls "wife" and "children" and now even cuddly babies he calls "grandchildren." He makes sure to appear in public, grinning, with these "people".
Herman Cain wants us to believe that he can "save" America. (Only one Man can save Americans, and it isn't Mr. Herman!!!) He's trying to ascend the HOLY THRONE!!!
But what if Herman Cain is lying? What if a demon has possessed the body of Herman Cain?! Or what if Herman was a demon all along?!
Forward this, my true Christian believers, to at least 10 people before midnight tonight! That will save at least 10 souls!
3 REASONS THAT HERMAN CAIN IS REALLY DEMON CAIN
1. His last name is Cain!!! Ring any bells, my fellow Bible believers?!! CAIN was from the BIBLE and CAIN was EVIL!!! He was the first murderer! God is trying to tell us something! God inspired Mr. Cain's voodoo slave ancestors to adopt "Cain" as a last name, to warn us in the modern days of the grand deciever prophesied of in the Book of Revelation! (Revelation 15:8 secret meaning:Herman Cain was born on the seventh day of the seventh month, and so Herman Cain is the personal embodiement of the seventh plague!) His followers see the signs...
2. He was the president of Godfather Pizza. Think about that name for a second. GODfather Pizza... A pizza parlor that simultaneously takes the Lord's name in vain and takes Christians view away from the real Heavenly Parlor above to their hellish pizza slices beneath... Several Christian customers of Godfather's Pizza have confirmed getting a creepy feeling in that restaurant!
3. Cain's "economic" plan to reform "taxes" is called 9-9-9. Sounds simple, nice and kinda catchy, huh? Be not decieved!!! You know what 9-9-9 is upside down? 666! That's the Mark of the Beast !!! he number of the Devil ... 666!!! We found it! It's finally here! Shout it from the mountaintops!!! Everyone who agrees with the 999 plan (code for the 666 plan) is accepting the mark of the Beast, and therefore will not be Raptured when the Rapture comes!
Forward this now, and DO NOT SUPPORT DEMON CAIN!
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7 comments:
I hope everyone realizes this is a joke. I actually like Herman Cain a lot, and I'm thinking about jumping on the Cain Train! Choo choo!
I realized it was a joke and it was super funny :)
I was going to praise this post as one of your few successful attempts at humor, but then I saw your comment that explaining that it was a joke. So are you taking back the biting satire and sarcasm? Or do you just think all your readers are so dumb they won't get it?
The comment is one reason why you'll never get out of Queen Creek and the screen factory.
I prefer Big Daddy Kane.
Or Erica Kane.
Or Orson Welles.
I like Queen Creek! And I like the screen factory!
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