Friday, September 30, 2011

Ron Paul Revolution!!! 2012 END THE FED - Fight the NWO - Ron Paul

Ron Paul 2012!!!

We need to go back to the gold standard just like the Constitution and Dr. Paul says!!! "No paper money shall exsist in our Republic"

If you ever support anyone besides the Doctor Paul you're a buffoon. Ron Paul = freeeeedom!!!

All the rest, Romney, Perry, Cain, etc... are just drones from the Bilderberg/Illuminati implementing the New World Order ID card microchips!!! We don't need the feds telling us where our planes can fly!!! They're gonna build the U.S. Mexico wall to keep us all locked in America, man!!!


Audit the Fed!

Please, if you ever do anything political in your life, vote for Ron Paul because we're all doomed if he's not elected!!! Share this with all your friends on Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, and Everything!!!

Ron Paul 2012!

OK, I'm done with that joke. I was going to write something about how a Ron Paul supporter hacked into my blog and started spreading Paul propoganda on Telemoonfa Time, but... um... anyway... This is a satirical post about how members of the Ron Paul Cult are all over the Internet. Seriously, I just went to Mitt Romney's Facebook page and about half of the comments on all the posts were something about Ron Paul. Ron Paul people are crazy on Youtube, too. Almost every video having to do with Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Herman Cain, or any of the other candidates has a bunch of Ron Paul people saying Ron Paul stuff. Some of the Ron Paul supporters are really nice people and smart and etc., and I agree with a lot of what Ron Paul says, but why are so many of his supporters so wack-taskic? They're just wacky and extreme to the max! Ron Paul's candidacy is starting to seem more like a cult-movement thing than a presidential campaign.


Russell Pearce vs. Jerry Lewis vs. Olivia Cortez

Dear Readers,

And now for some local political news...

Liberal rabble-rouser Randy Parraz got a recall election going for Arizona State Senator Russell Pearce in legislative district 18, which is in Mesa. This is a big deal because Russell Pearce is the co-author of SB 1070, a conservative superstar, and the AZ Senate President. One of the most important differences between this special recall election and a regular election is that there's no primary voting. In this election, Democrats, Greens, Independents, Republicans, and even Communists can vote. I think that Parraz and his cronies knew that the only way the conservative lion Russell Pearce could be brought down is through a recall election, because Pearce has beaten and will continue to beat any Republican in a primary election. And a Democrat will never beat Pearce, because LD 18 is Republican through and through.

A lot of people thought that the recall effort was a waste of time, because Pearce is so popular that he can't be defeated, but a very formidable Republican candidate has emerged: Jerry Lewis. He's a family man, a former LDS stake president, involved with the school choice movement, a businessman, a political outsider, and he's been in the area forever so he has a lot of connections. He seems thoughtful, intelligent, and he has a squeaky-clean record. So, it looks like the race is going to be pretty close. Maybe Lewis will win.

Pearce's campaign staff have done something unethical. They got Olivia Cortez's name put on the ballot. She's another Republican, but she's a phony candidate. She's not campaigning whatsoever. She's not putting out signs, she doesn't have a website, she's not returning newspaper reporter's phone calls. So... she's a plant, meant to draw away more votes from Jerry Lewis. This tactic has been used over and over in politics. When the Democrats paid for some of Libertarian Steven Stoltz's mailers in CD 8 in 2010, it was designed to take away votes from Jesse Kelly. And last year there was this controversey about how there were a bunch of sham Green party candidates on the ballot, just to draw away Democratic votes. It's a very effective tactic, but it's slimy.

Oh, and I have to say that the name "Olivia Cortez" is perfect for Pearce's purposes. When voters see that name they assume two things about her: she's female and she's Hispanic. I guess there are a lot of voters who vote according to a candidate's gender and ethnicity.

So... who am I supporting? Well, that doesn't really matter, because I don't live in LD 18 so I can't vote for either of them. And I'm certaintly not going to donate money or time to either candidate. But, hypothetically speaking, I support Russell Pearce. He has just a fantastic conservative record. Just fantastic. He's not perfect, but he's really good.

But if Jerry Lewis wins, that would be cool, too. He seems like a great guy. I think I'm going to go to a Russell Pearce and Jerry Lewis debate next Thursday. Maybe I should take pictures and blog about it. It's going to be entertaining, that's for sure.

OK, see you later.


Wednesday, September 28, 2011


For Allen Ginsberg

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by liberalism,
well-fed hysterical fashionably clothed,
who bicycled themselves through college campuses at noonish
screaming full-throated in adopted indigenous tongues for government grants
to teach the homeless how to grow organic granola in public spaces,
who befriended insects,
who taught red ants and black ants the sublimity of coexistence,
who videotaped each other waving rainbow flags, intentionally ironically waving anarchy flags, waving United Nations flags, declaring themselves flagless,
who were bound for Boulder, bound for Berkley, bound for Barcelona with a backpack packed with smack and dream-catchers,
who boarded Greyhounds to Nirvana then abandoned the buses at the whiff of spies,
who hitchhiked to the houses of gender-neutral relatives who seem pretty chill,
who wandered parks pick-pocketing in righteousness, baring their bones to the Sacred Mother Earth and Ancient Father Sky, burning music of the Grateful Dead, burning music of a minister's wayward daughter, burning bootleg underground playlists of the Mighty Lemonberry Squad’s thirteen B-side harpsichord versions of their # 67 hit “ghosts of ghosts are the only ones living,” fabricating certificates of authenticity to accompany the sardonic marketing of comic books that contain no comics and are not books,
who are twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings and something-somethings avoiding the creation of nuclear families, averting responsibility, chanting “sustainability” chanting “diversity” chanting “social justice,” chanting “New Urbanism,” with careful lips, spinning eyeballs, volunteering at abortion clinics between neo-carnival rallies expressing solidarity with cultural prisoners such as Chaz,
dropping flower-bombs on capitol cities, dropping spray-painted bombs of love on church doorsteps, performing the installations of art installations of constellations of art installations that perform, installing tele-micro-phonic software into soft wares i.e. second-hand pillows that smoke, drawing back the Curtain of Suburbia and peeking into the Inner Machinery of the Future-Minded Utopian Ideals, returning to the classroom, returning to the coffee-houses, returning to the hostels at dusk with mouthfuls of Promised Land Lore,
who got no job and wanted no job,
who collected union dues and municipal budget misallocations for their non-profit stimulus-subsidized commune start-up, the poster-child of shovel-ready investments into green jobs for clean energy dynamos that prepare children of low-income families for a lifetime of techno-savvy success in the brave new economy
who studied postcolonialism postcolonialism postcolonialism
who scrawled “Resurrect the proletarians of aboriginal architecture!” in dropout textbook marginalia thus fulfilling a global diversity requirement,
who slept in the graveyard of Western Civilization to summon the spirits of dead white men to kill them again,
who vacationed in mechanical forests to de-stress,
who roamed the Desert of New Thought Indian Reservation for forty days and forty nights, smoking peyote with the final few Indians who waged war on all pale-faced invaders,
who vacationed with drugs,
who vacationed again with more drugs,
who vacationed with the only guy left with a car,
who hired Craigslist philosophers to scream Equality into the halls of Congress,
who assembled a team of interior decorators slash meditation gurus to levitate and treat their windows with the color of hoary-headed infatuation
who knocked door-to-door for Barack Obama,
and plan to work for Obama again,
I have a message for you, plucked from the tree of Common Sense:
Become a conservative. Vote Republican.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Don't Go to the Church with the Grizzly Bear in it

They keep a grizzly locked at the end
of the hall, behind the last door on the left.
Whenever one of the churchgoers
Has sinned in secret, then returns to the sanctuary,
Unrepentant and pretty-faced,
the bear sniffs the sinner out.
He’ll scratch, pause, scratch, pause, scratch.
The Priest excuses himself,
walks down the hall, inserts key with trembling
hand, swings wide the door, and shouts with arms upraised,
“Administer sacred justice, O Holy Bear!
Let Heaven come to Earth!”

The bear ambles to the sanctuary
slowly makes his way to the guilty one,
and then mauls the sinner!
Eats his stomach! crushes his skull!
Chomps his face!
chomps! chomps his bloody face!
In the midst of the congregation,
While the rest look on in reverence.

Intestines get all over the pews.

The Priest gives a solemn clap clap clap,
And the bear returns to his room,
Behind the last door on the left.

After the service, the body parts
Are scattered in the churchyard
And the sinner’s soul goes to Hell.

So it went for generations.
Perplexingly, church attendance increased.

But one Sabbath the bear sniffed toward Beatrice,
The banker’s new bride, for whom
The Priest held an insuppressible secret passion.
As the bear approached, Beatrice sat
Bowing her head, her golden locks a-flow,
Her blossom-blue eyes sparkling with pure sparkles
That became more sparkly the more they sparkled,
Her body beaming beauteous beautiful beauty-beams,
A warm light emanating and cascading and rippling
And drip-drip-dropping from her bosom.
Calm as a summer afternoon
when a sailboat sails by on a whispery breeze
and there's lots of seagulls and pelicans and stuff,
Beatrice sat, when the bear swiped at her with heavy paw,
Opened its jaws and yelled, “Rowr-raaaggghhhhllff!”

Just then, the Priest threw himself between Beatrice
And the bear! He let himself be eaten! He had saved her!

After the Priest was dead, the bear
Didn’t know what to do anymore.
There was no clap clap clap.
So he did what he did best. He killed everyone!
Even Beatrice. They all sat starry-eyed,
Waiting for teeth to come to their throats.
After they were eaten, they all went to Hell.
Even Beatrice.

In Hell there were more grizzly bears
That kept eating everybody’s guts,
And then everybody got to rest for a few minutes
While more intestines regrew, like lizard’s tails.
But the bears came back too,
And mauled everybody again,
And ate everybody's guts again,
And it hurt really really bad,
And that happened over and over and over again, forever.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Abolish First Things First!

Dear Readers,

We always hear that politicians are looking for ways to cut spending. Well I have a great idea. Eliminate First Things First!

First things First is an Arizona tax-payer funded bureaucracy that’s is aimed to help children. It’s founded in the belief that parents aren’t doing a good enough job raising children, so the government needs to takeover.

Last election, Arizona voters had a chance to de-fund First Things First. They blew it. Usually Arizona voters pick conservative candidates who promise to cut wasteful spending. But since voters felt that First Things First was for the children, and since the people whose livelihoods depend on First Things First waged an expensive propaganda war, Arizonans voted to keep throwing cash down the First Things First hole. For shame!

Maybe you’re saying to yourself, “But wait Telemoonfa, what wasteful spending has First Things First done, specifically? And don’t you love children? Don’t you want to help them?”

Of course I love children! And of course I want to help them! I have a daughter who’s two years old, and I just love her so much, and I do my best to take care of her, educate her, and raise her to become a faithful virtuous woman someday.

And here’s a few of the wasteful things that First Things First has done:

Books for Babies

When my daughter was born, we got a book, paid for by First Things First. I think it was a book about the numbers one through ten, and it had a bunch of pictures of babies in it. It’s a sweet little book, really, and books aren’t that expensive, but when you give a book to every newborn in the state, it adds up.

Magazine Subscriptions for Babies

After we had our daughter, we mysteriously started getting Parenting Magazine in the mail. We got it for a year. This can only be the work of the Government!

Movies for Babies

Along with the book, First Things First gave us a set of 6 DVDs about how to be a good parent. Neither my wife nor I have watched the movies, probably because we didn’t have a DVD player until just a few months ago. Which brings up a good question: First Things First is assuming that parents are rich enough to have a DVD player but too poor to obtain good parenting information. That’s a messed-up assumption! Again, 6 DVDs for every new baby in Arizona gets pretty costly.

The Fun Van

If the “free” books, magazines, and movies haven’t convinced you that First Things First should be eliminated, then this next reason should.

Almost every time I go to the library, I see the “FUN VAN: by First Things First” parked in the parking lot. I took the brochure about the Fun Van I found in the library. Here’s some of its propaganda:

“What is the Fun Van? An exciting opportunity for all families in Pinal County with children under 5 years of age. Together we will be working to help enrich your child’s skills and work toward empowering family literacy. We will travel to locations near you for your convenience. We encourage you to join our sessions with your children. We will present methods and techniques ranging from how to play with your child, to reading with your child to understanding how your child is developing through play.”

And sometimes the fun van provides snacks.

The Fun Van is destroying the dream of the Founding Fathers!

One of the most important things to remember about the book, the magazine, the DVDs, and the “education” that goes on inside the Fun Van is that it’s all secular. It’s all politically correct. Now, secularism and political correctness aren’t necessarily bad things. But if our children are being raised not by their parents, but by secular, politically correct government workers, our children will develop a different idea of morality and a different understanding of the purpose of life. In the care of the officials from the First Things First program, our children will most likely learn about endangered species, not about George Washington’s winter at Valley Forge. They'll most likely learn about how to befriend homosexuals and less likely to learn about the Ten Commandments.


Jeff Flake Endorses Mitt Romney

Dear Readers,

Have you heard that Jeff Flake endorsed Mitt Romney? If you haven’t heard, then let me tell you, Jeff Flake endorsed Mitt Romney. That’s great, because I endorse Mitt Romney, too. And I think this endorsement is a big deal because it basically seals the deal for Mitt Romney winning Arizona. Well, what do I know? Maybe it doesn’t.

Speaking of Flake, no one’s running against him for the Senate seat, the one that Jon Kyl is leaving open. Well, one guy is challenging Flake, but he has no chance. I guess the guy isn’t campaigning at all, so it makes me think he’s in it for the Arizona Clean Elections money. I think they need to abolish or dramatically reform Arizona Clean Elections, because it’s getting pretty dirty.

(Update on October 20, 2011: I made a mistake. It turns out that only candidates for state offices can get Clean Elections money. Federal candidates cannot. Sorry.)

I don’t know if a Democrat is going to bother running for the Arizona Senate seat. A Democrat doesn’t have a chance of winning a Senate seat in Arizona, especially in the current political climate.

I’m a little upset that no one’s seriously running against Jeff Flake, but then again, I wouldn’t want to be the guy running against him. Jeff Flake is like a juggernaut around here. And he’s a pretty good politician, compared to most politicians. He’s a pretty good conservative.

And speaking of Mitt Romney, this presidential election has pretty much become the Rick Perry and Mitt Romney show. Rick Perry is leading, but not by a ton. It looks like it will be a long hot primary season. Romney will win some states, Perry will win some states, but who will win the most states?

Mitt Romney appeals more to swing voters and independents than Perry. I think the polls are showing that if the general election were held now, Mitt Romney would beat Obama by a lot. But if Rick Perry were the nominee, it would be close.

So, if there are any independents or Democrats reading this, I have a message for you:

You know that Obama’s toast, right? I mean, even if you like the guy, you need to understand that the polls are showing that he’s going to be defeated in 2012. So you need to decide between Romney and Perry. So, can I ask you a favor, one voter to another? Change your party affiliation to Republican so you can vote in the primary. I know that might be hard for some of you to do. But don’t worry, you can change it right back after this one little vote. And you don’t even have to tell anyone that you briefly transformed into a Republican. It will be our little secret, OK? And if you don’t like the idea of being a principled Republican, well then, be an unprincipled Republican! All that matters right now is that you are a Republican in name only(RINO).

Oh, and then once you're registered as a Republican, then vote for Mitt Romney. Duh!

Or if you live in a state where anybody can vote in the primaries, then I guess you don’t have to be registered as a Republican.

Mitt Romney 2012!


P.S. Oh, and Sheriff Joe, can you endorse Romney too please? You endorsed him last time. You would look consistent if you endorsed him again. And Rick-amnesty Perry is so much of an amnesty-lover that I just nicknamed him Rickamnesty! And I don’t divvy out nicknames willy-nilly! Illegal immigration is so totally your issue, Sheriff Joe, you know! Your America’s toughest sheriff! So it just makes sense that you should endorse Mitt Romney!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Give Yourself to Love by Kate Wolf

Learn the words and sing along! Enjoy peace while peace is here.

I was listening to Pandora radio and discovered the lady who wrote this song, Kate Wolf. She's great. I watched a few covers of the song on Youtube, and this was my favorite one.


Funny Guy describes a funny car accident

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

My Profile

Dear Readers,

I recently created a profile on Here it is:

And I might as well just copy and paste everything I wrote on my profile here:

Hi, I'm Ben

I'm a Mormon.

About Me

I'm a twenty-eight year old husband and father. I have one daughter. I make movie screens for a living. I like writing, drawing, painting and napping. I used to teach English and drama at a public school, but that didn't work out very well, so I got a job at the movie screen factory, and I like that.

Why I am a Mormon

I'm a Mormon primarily because I was raised a Mormon. I was blessed to be born to a mother and a father who have been life-long, faithful members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. My parents brought me up in a home filled with love, kindness, and faith, and for that I will be forever grateful.

My life has not been perfect. My testimony of the gospel wavered throughout some of my teenage years, but as my life has passed, and as I've prayed, studied, and attended church, I've come to rely on the faith of my fathers. I've come to believe in Jesus Christ, in his doctrine, in his commandments, and in his saving power. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is what it claims to be. It's the kingdom of God on the Earth. It's the only church that is headed by a true prophet of God, Thomas S. Monson.

How I live my faith

I'm a ward missionary. That means I help the full-time missionaries preach the gospel to people who are not members of our church. My wife leads the music during primary, which is the class for little kids at Church.

I try to be a good person. I try to be neighborly. I try to follow the teachings found in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I don't drink alcohol, I don't smoke, I don't cuss, I obey the law, and I bake a lot of bread.

We had a combined Priesthood and Relief Society meeting last Sunday that talked about the new Church media initiative. The bishop encouraged us to create a profile.

What do you think about the media initiative that the Church is doing? I think it's great. Isn't it neat that the Church is preaching the gospel through cyberspace in these modern times? I hope the commercials and billboards and Internet advertisements inspire people to learn more about the Church. I think they're tasteful, uplifting, spiritual, positive, entertaining and well-done.

That being said, sometimes I think it's cheesy when the Church tries to look cool. Especially this skateboarding Mormon guy.

In a lot of these videos the Church is producing, the diversity of the Church membership is emphasized. I think that's because the Church wants to invite more and more people to join the church, and they don't want to give people the impression that certain demographics are unwelcome. They want to make everyone feel comfortable investigating the Church.

OK, see you later.


Mitt Romney 2012! (And other stuff about the debates… and other stuff too.)

Dear Readers,

Oh politics politics politics! Hooray! I love debates! I love presidential debates! And I love talking about the debates! What a great country we have! Really! The sunset! Mitt Romney! Everything is just swell!

I don’t mind that the government is swiffer right now because we have all these great debates! I love my country! And these latest Republican primary debates are especially great. What a cast of characters we have! They’re all so unique, and they’re all champions in their own little ways, but who will be the champion of all the champions? Will it be Perry? Will it be Romney? Who will it be?

The suspense is terrible!

I get angry at debates sometimes because the moderators are swiffer and the format is swiffer. But of course I have to watch every second of every debate. I just have to!

OK, OK, without further ado, here are a few of my thoughts about the last few debates:

Rick Perry

Is it possible to be too much of a tough guy? I mean, I know he kills coyotes for fun, and I know he executed 234 prisoners, and he would beat all his competitors at arm-wrestling and cow-lassoing, and that’s all very impressive. But… Perry’s downright intimidating! Do you really want a President who’s constantly on the verge of clobbering somebody?

And I learned in the debates that Perry once mandated that all Texan girls had to get the anti-sex vaccine that makes them all retarded! And the only reason he did that was not because he cared about the chastity of young women, but because the drug company bribed him! And he said that seniors are monstrous liars whenever they get their social security checks! OK, I’m exaggerating, but let me un-exaggerate for a second and say that everybody ganged up on Rick Perry! But I don’t even feel bad for him. Perry talks really slow. He pauses a lot. Sometimes I think it’s dramatic, but uh… whatever. Have you noticed that? The pausing thing? One other thing: He’s an open borders type of guy.

Mitt Romney.

He is the absolute champion of the debates. Really! The Ultimate Super Champion of all the Super Champions! I mean, this guy has got it going on. He’s Presidential! He’s cool, calm, and collected, except when he needs to erupt in righteous indignation. And then when his red-hot lava has cooled, he’ll shake your hand and be your friend again. He’s brilliant! You know the polls said that Mitt Romney’s approval ratings went up after the last debate. And the polls really know what they’re talking about. Maybe Romney will end up beating Perry. I don’t know. But after watching the debates, and after re-reading a bit of No Apology: The Case for American Greatness, I am firmly back in the Romney camp! Not that I ever really left the Romney camp. I just thought I should spending a little bit of time with other candidates, that’s all. But my wandering ways are officially over and now I can enthusiastically proclaim: Mitt Romney 2012!

Mitt Romney smiled at meeeeeeee!!!!!!

Seriously, wouldn’t you just like to work for the guy? Like, wouldn’t you love it if Mitt Romney called you up and was like, “Hello, this is Mitt Romney. Believe in America! I want you to join to my business team, and we can do political things together, too. No apology! Cars!”

That would be so wonderful! He’d help you be your best, and he would be a great boss. You would just smile all the time. I hope he calls me. I put my phone number on his website. And he would make you rich! (But only if you would use the money wisely and donate it to needy orphans and conservative Republicans and stuff.)

Come on, guys, he’s got what it takes! Hop aboard the Mitt Romney Express! We Mitt-sters all headed straight to WONDERFULNESS! Chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga Choo-choo! Chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga Choo-choo!

It really helps that Mitt Romney has the most gigantical brain of all the gigantical brains. I mean, if you compare Romney’s brain to Bachmann’s brain, it’s pretty clear that Romney’s brain is more gigantical. Have you read his jobs plan? And did you know that Mitt Romney’s Mormon? That makes him even better! And did you know that I am Mormon? But he’s not a squishy liberal Mormon like Harry Reid and John Huntsman. He’s a true believer!

Do you know how crazy it would be. It will be just like when Constantine converted to Christianity, and all those pagan Romans burned their idols and followed Christ! I predict that if Romney’s elected. No no no. I have to talke positively. I predict that when Romney’s elected, he’ll usher in a new era of

Mitt Romney is coming to America’s rescue! Mitt Romney is riding a horse named Victory. He’s wearing a white hat!

And you know what? I think I’m reconsidering the health insurance mandate thing. Maybe everybody should be required to buy health insurance from the private sector or have a good-sized health savings account. I know it’s lame, but in this day and age, everybody should get health insurance. The only exception I can think of is multi-millionaires. In America, everybody is entitled to emergency health care, regardless of his or her ability to pay. Maybe that’s not the way it should be, philosophically speaking, but that’s the way it is.

I mean, what if you got hit by lightning and then you got put in a coma for six months, and the nurses just kept pumping you full of this really expensive medicine made from ostrich egg yokes mixed with praseodymium. When you got better, you’d be a slave to the hospital for the rest of your life, trying to pay off your debt. That’s messed up! There’s a lightning storm overhead! Don’t you think you should get health insurance? And lots of people get medical care without ever paying the doctors and hospitals back. That’s driving up the cost! Look, the health care system was broken and Mitt Romney tried to fix it. His chapter on health care in No Apology really is great. And it’s important to remember that the folks who succeeded after Romney worsened Romneycare. Romneycare’s not perfect but whatever I’m voting for Mitt Romney.

Ron Paul.

Ron Paul should be called Ron Pscycho because he’s a fruitcake with a hunk of baloney lodged in his madula oblongotta. Serioulsy, man, he said that the reason the Governmnent wants to build a fence between Mexico and America is so the Government can keep us in! And he wasn’t speaking metaphorically! He said that in times of economic turmoil, people naturally want to take their capitol over international borders. So in Paul’s fantasy land, Gestapo-like robots will scan your eyeballs or a tattooed barcode on your wrist and they’ll say, “NO! YOU CAN”T GO TO MEXICO! And just for thinking about going to Mexico, your punishment is that you need to stay in a FEMA camp! Bwah ha ha!”

Herman Cain.

I kind of wish Herman Cain was the leader of the pack. I like everything he says. I love his 9 9 9 plan. Why isn’t he more popular? Probably because he’s never been in politics before. In that regard, he reminds me of Ross Perot. Cain won’t win, but I’m glad he’s running. Am I the only one who thinks it’s good for the Republican Party’s image to have a woman and a black man running for President? Sometimes I think people don’t want to support people just because other people aren’t supporting them. Like Chuck Gray, for example. I want him to win, and I’ll vote for him, but I don’t want to campaign for him unless other people – wealthy, influential people- start campaigning for him first.

Jon Huntsman.

He rides a motorcycle, believes in evolution, and makes hip references to Kurt Cobain. Finally! A Republican is making the GOP look cool again! Ha ha ha. John Hunstman is a weirdo. He doesn’t seem like a Republican. Lots of fancy media people like him, and that just makes me dislike him. I think he should drop out of the race.

Michelle Bachmann.

She messes up a lot when she talks. She said she had three kids in the last debate. But she really has more kids. She doesn’t seem presidential. But then again, maybe that's just because she's a woman, and we've never had a female President.

Rick Santorum.

He seems like a really good guy. Really smart, and right on most the issues. I don't have much to say about him except, um... I guess that means he's forgettable. Gosh, I don't know what should I say about him? Why doesn't he generate buzz? He's not exciting, I guess. Am I being judgmental? I think I am. How would I like it if I ran for President, and then some anonymous guy said that I was forgettable?

Newt Gingrich.

I love everything he says. He’s got a lot of baggage though. Bad baggage. Isn’t his name funny? I’ve never heard of anybody named Newt before.


Thursday, September 8, 2011

Library Slights Mormonism, Jeopardizes Patron's Enlightenment

Dear Readers,

A while back I was browsing the religion section at the Apache Junction Public Library, and I looked at the books on my religion, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, a.k.a. Mormonism. I was disappointed with what I saw on the shelf. There were about ten to fifteen books on Mormonism, but almost all of them were from non-Mormon skeptics or detractors.

Some of the books claimed to be authored by faithful Mormons, like "An Insider's View of Mormon Origins," but it didn’t take too long to figure out that the author had negative attitude toward the Church. The library had “Under the Banner of Heaven," which is a lovely book that leaves readers with the impression that Mormons have a penchant for murder. And they had “Escape” which is about a girl who was raised in an fundamentalist Mormon polygamous compound. She was sexually and physically and mentally abused, and then she finally escaped.

There was only one book was from the perspective of an orthodox, faithful Latter-Day Saint. It was "The Encyclopedia of Mormonism". And that book isn't exactly a pro-Mormon, missionary-tract type of text. It's the Church's attempt at objectivity. It’s a great reference work, but it’s not a great introduction to the Church. Probably one of the best books for beginners to read about Mormonism is "Our Search for Happiness: An Invitation to Understand the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints" by M. Russell Ballard.

But there was one book missing from the Mormonism section that would have been even better than Ballard's book. Can you guess which book I'm thinking of?

I'll give you a hint. It's the keystone of my religion.

I'll give you another hint. A man will get nearer to God by abiding by its precepts than by any other book.

Yes, you guessed it! It's the Book of Mormon!

The library had all those books with negative perspectives, but they didn't have the foundational text of my religion. Isn't that messed up?

If I were a non-LDS library patron, and I felt like learning about Mormonism by reading a few books from the library, I would very quickly get the impression that Mormons murder people, impregnate teenage girls, and worship Joseph Smith, who spent his life murdering people and impregnating people in between his magic treasure hunts.

When I saw that the Book of Mormon was missing, I thought maybe it had been checked out. I was curious, so I checked the computerized library catalog, and it turns out that they don’t even have the book in circulation. (They didn’t have the Doctrine and Covenants or Pearl of Great Price, either, by the way.)

Let me put this into perspective. The Apache Junction Public Library is a gigantic library with tens of thousands of books. They have hundreds of romance novels, hundreds of mystery novels, and hundreds of books about how to paint. I remember when I checked out books on how to do oil paintings recently. They must have had about fifty books just for oil paintings. They probably had another fifty books about pastels, and another fifty books about watercolors. And yet, somehow the library didn't have the shelf space for a Book of Mormon.

So I decided to donate a Book of Mormon to the Library. I had a nice hardcover Doubleday edition of the Book of Mormon around the house, so the next time I went to the library, I took it in.

I was nervous. It was going to be a missionary experience! I was going to testify! Well, my would-be missionary event turned out to be pretty uneventful. Here’s all that happened:

ME: Hi, can I donate this book to the library?

LADY AT THE DESK: Sure. I’ll take it. (sets book on desk, acts busy.)

ME: Do you know if it’s going to be put in circulation?

LADY AT THE DESK: I don’t know. I don’t make that decision.

ME: OK. Well, thank you. (leaves)

So that was it. That day I also put a comment in the comment box that said that I had just donated a book, The Book of Mormon, to the library, and it would really mean a lot to me if they would put it in circulation.

That was about a month or two ago. As of this writing, the library has not put the holy book in their catalog. I don’t think they will. I hope they donated it to an orphanage, and some spiritually hungry orphan will get it, read it, convert, and eventually turn into the next Prophet. But more likely, they gave it to a used bookstore or to a thrift store. Or worse yet, but still possible, they threw it in the garbage can. Who knows what happened to the book.

All I know is that the Apache Junction Public Library missed a chance to more fairly represent my religion, and the religion of millions, through their book selection. They missed a chance to spread the gospel of Christ.


Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Chuck Gray!

Dear Readers,

The other night I went to a Meet and Greet for Chuck Gray, a guy who’s running for Congress for Arizona’s 6th Congressional District. I really liked him and all his positions. I’ll vote for him for sure. Well, I'm pretty sure I'll vote for him. He’s super conservative about everything.

Go to his official campaign website here.

But I don’t feel like campaigning for him because I don’t think he has much of a chance of winning. He’s running against Matt Salmon and Kirk Adams. Both of those guys have pretty big name recognition around here, and they both have lots of money and important political contacts. Matt Salmon used to be the Representative of CD 6, before Jeff Flake was, but then he honored his term limit pledge and left Congress. (But in a way, Matt Salmon never really left Congress. He’s been a lobbyist for the past decade. I guess you could say he moved from the congressional chamber to the congressional lobby.) And Kirk Adams has been in the Arizona legislature a lot, and he has the endorsement of Senator Jon Kyl. But Salmon has the endorsement of Sheriff Joe, so that’s pretty cool. Anywho… blah blah blah…

Maybe it’s not right that you have to have all that fame and money to win an election, but that’s the way politics are.

After I put my heart and soul into Jeff Smith’s campaign in 2010, I’ve come up with this maxim: If a candidate has enough time to come to my house and talk with me, then he’s not famous enough to win. It’s kind of like Groucho Marx’s famous quote: “I would never want to belong to a club that would have a guy like me as a member.”

However, things are going to be confusing because Arizona is getting another congressional district, due to population growth. So all the lines might be changed around. So maybe Chuck Gray won’t be running against Matt Salmon and Kirk Adams after all. Maybe Gray will run for a new congressional district. And maybe he’ll win. But we’ll just have to wait until December, when the wizards behind the curtain unveil the new map.

And whatever happened to Jeff Smith? Are you going to run again, Jeff Smith? If not, who are you going to endorse? If you’re not going to run, you should definitely publicly endorse somebody. Your endorsement would mean a lot to me.

OK, see you later.


Are You Running, Gabby Giffords?

Dear Readers,

Have you heard about what’s happened with U.S. Representative Gabby Giffords lately? You’ve probably heard that she was almost assassinated this past January, and she has a lot of brain damage, and she’s still recovering.

A lot of people think that she’s a hero… and in a way, she is. I mean, she’s a nice respectable lady, talented and accomplished, and she’s overcoming a horrendous injury so she can be inspirational for others overcoming horrendous injuries. It probably takes a lot of willpower to just stay alive after having a bullet go through your head. She must be really tough. But is she really a hero?

I remember this old Simpson’s episode where Bart gets this walkie-talkie gizmo… it wasn’t a walkie-talkie but it was like a miniature radio broadcasting thing. Well, he put one side down a well, and then he talked into the other side and pretended that he was a little kid who fell down into the well, named Timmy O Toole. The whole town was concerned and it gets all over the TV news and everything, and Homer’s watching TV and he says, “Oh, that Timmy O Toole is a hero!” and Lisa says, “Dad, how is he a hero?” and Homer says, “Well… he fell down the well… and he can’t get out.” Ha ha ha. That was funny.

But I ask the same question that Lisa asked: How does getting shot make Gabby Giffords a hero? Being shot by a lunatic isn’t exactly a heroic act.

(I feel more comfortable writing this now, rather than right after it happened.)

It’s great that Giffords was doing “Congress on Your Corner” and was trying to meet with her constituents. That’s always important. And she was a very nice lady.

But she voted for Obamcare. And she voted for the unstimulating Stimulus. Let’s face it, gunshot wound or no gunshot wound, she’s a liberal Democrat.

Or maybe I should say, she was a liberal Democrat. It’s hard to know if she can think clearly enough these days to hold a political philosophy. It’s like there’s been a media blackout about her for the past nine months. Nobody knows exactly how her brain is doing. Is she well enough to run for re-election? Is she mentally well enough to serve as a U.S. Representative?

Voters in AZ CD 8 need to know how she’s doing in order to make an informed vote. And potential contenders need to know if she’s running for re-election.

But at least one guy, Anthony Prowell, isn’t waiting to hear whether or not Gabby is running again. He’s getting in the race now. I’m really glad that a Democrat is challenging her. That’s healthy. We all respect Gabby Giffords, but that Congressional seat doesn’t belong to her, it belongs to the people.

This just in - Anthony Prowell changed his party affiliation from "Democrat" to "Green." So the guy's a loony. All the Green people are loonies. Yes, I'm thinking of you, Richard Grayson. And yes, I'm thinking of you, Mr. Suspenders Guy standing outside the Tempe Public Library, getting people to sign petitions. You wanted to destroy all freeways. And for that, I call you a loony.

(That's a true story, by the way. I talked for a while with this member of the Green Party. It was weird because I was a conservative Republican, and he was an ultra-liberal Green. I think we talked about his bicycle for a little bit, and somehow the conversation turned to transportation. He said he lived in an apartment close to a freeway, and he didn't like the sound of the freeway or the smell of it, so he was hoping that all freeways could be destroyed. He probably wanted us all to ride bicycles or walk. We had a nice conversation. In so ways I think he was a harmless old man with a lot of neat ideas, but in other ways, I think he was a dangerous old man with a lot of destructive ideas. Let's hope guys like that don't gain power.)

Bottom line is, Gabby Giffords needs to recuperate. And she would do that best somewhere besides Congress.


P.S. Are you running, Jesse Kelly? You should! I think you'll win!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Just Say No to Dr. No

Dear Readers,

Here's a few reasons why Ron Paul should not be President:

1. He's the candidate of "No." He votes no on everything. In the recent debt-limit crisis, Ron Paul voted no on every single version of cut cap and balance that the House of Representatives came up with. Some of those versions were pretty good. If Paul's elected President, he'll probably veto everything and nothing will get accomplished. Voting no on everything allows him to look principled, but it doesn't actually accomplish anything.

2. He pals around with conspiracy theorists. Ron Paul regularly appears on the Alex Jones Show and talks about how the secret Illuminati -slash- global elitists are conspiring to establish a New World Order.

3. He's too old.

4. He's not a leader. Well, he's a leader of a segment of the population, but not a big enough segment. He has a loyal cult following, but a President needs to appeal to the majority of Americans. It is neat, though, that he inspires such ardent support. I remember seeing a bunch of guys in 2008 standing in front of Flagstaff City Hall in a snowstorm holding Ron Paul signs and chanting his name. Now that's dedication. Or delusion.

5. He's a closet 9/11 truther. Oh sure, he'll tell you that he believes that it was Osama Bin Laden who was behind the attack on the World Trade Center a decade ago, but then he'll be quick to add that it's pretty much America's fault that we got attacked because we've been meddling in foreign affairs too much. And he doesn't denounce the 9/11 truthers who support him. My advice to Ron Paul is that he needs to get as far away as possible from Jesse Ventura, Alex Jones, George Noory, and other wackos.

6. He's not electable. I'm sorry, but he's not going to win. We need to support winners.

But I will add that I'm glad that he's adding to the political discourse. Paul's work on auditing the Federal Reserve is much needed. And I agree with him about withdrawing from the United Nations, I think. And I agree that it's time to leave Afghanistan... but Ron Paul's just too kooky, OK?

Oh, and I'm glad that he's attacking Rick Perry. I still predict that Rick Perry will be the President in 2013, but Mitt Romney is going to give him a run for his money. Oh, I love politics! I'm excited for the debate this week.