Thursday, July 29, 2010

Curious Wardrobe Choices on "The View"

Dear Readers,

Now that we have a black President, we live in a post-racial wonderland of peace. Race has been exposed as the biologically non-existent social fabrication that it is, and we can all move on. Nobody is any skin color anymore, really. Obama has vanquished our collective national racism, simply by his ascension to the Oval Office.

Unfortunately, some of us, including me, haven't made the leap into a post-racial world. Some of us are still left behind, thinking about race and politics and Marshall McLuhan stuff.

Let me cut to the chase. Maybe it's nothing, but I have an interesting observation about the wardrobe choices on a recent episode of the View. You know, the one with Obama on it.

Look at this picture. Look closely at what everyone is wearing. Notice anything weird?

They’re all wearing black and white outfits! That’s highly unusual. Now compare the curiously monochromatic coordination before us to the usual outfits that The View ladies wear. Go ahead. Do a google image search for "The View" and see if you can find a picture of The View ladies all wearing black and white outfits. It doesn't exist! Or if it does exist, I can't find it. (There are a few promotional photos of the cast of The View where they are all wearing black, but I'm talking about what the ladies actually wear when they’re doing the show. If nothing else, Whoopi-cushion Goldberg is usually wearing blue jeans.)

Remember, color choices like these don’t happen by accident. People who dress politicians and celebrities have agendas. Color choices like these mean something.

So what do they mean? Well, here’s my interpretation of how the puppet masters want you to feel, in the form of two equations:

Black = better, likeable.

White = worse, unlikable.

See, Joy Behar is wearing all black because she’s got a liberal talk show -The Joy Behar Show- and she supports our black President. Whoopi-cushion Goldberg is also dressed predominantly in black because she’s a big liberal Obama supporter. The other two ladies are dressed mostly in black, because they’re mostly liberal.

But Elizabeth Hasselbeck, you see, is wearing all white, because the puppet masters are trying to portray her as a backwards Christian conservative white woman who represents the dominant culture/race that oppresses all the minorities! The puppet masters are trying to get you to think, via colorful subliminal messages, that the righteous blacks are multiplying, and gaining power, and finally overcoming the white she-devil! They outnumber her! The black force has got Hasselbeck in their scopes, and they’re taking her down!

It’s a conspiracy!

Call the President, call your local school board, call everybody, demand to be heard, and let them know that we won’t stand for this sort of color-coded trickery any longer!

Choose you this day who you will serve, but as for me and my house, we will smash The View’s wardrobe coordinator! Because it’s a clear-cut schoice we all have before us. Either you smash The View’s wardrobe coordinator, or you fall under Obama’s voodoo spell of liberalism.

Oh, the wardrobe coordinator used to be a good girl, alright. Let’s call her Samantha.

Samantha grew up in a small town in middle America. Her father was a car salesman. Her mother stayed at home. Samantha got along well enough with her four siblings, but she was a little odd on the playground. She always lost at hopscotch.

Samantha liked drawing, she liked clothes, and she definitely liked rock and roll music. In high school a boy courted her for a few weeks, but she dumped him. He was going to be a farmer, and she needed more time for herself. When she broke the relationship off, she said that she had no feelings for him, absolutely none, and that he just didn’t get her. Her Mom and Dad didn’t understand her either.

The day after her high school graduation, Samantha boarded a bus bound for New York City. She had only a suitcase and a purse.

Within a month, Samantha was living in a cheap apartment, working as a waitress, taking fashion design classes at an art school, and drinking alcohol. Before long, she was good with people, and she was good with clothes. She would help her girlfriends put together outfits for going to a job interview or going on dates. She would watch TV, and write letters to the television personalities, telling them what their wardrobe choices said about them.

She got a job with a costume designing company that had done a few off-Broadway plays, but she when she found out she would never do anything but sew buttons and zippers on costume prototypes, she quit. After a month of drunkenness, she went back to waiting tables to avoid eviction, did some soul-searching, and found out that what she really wanted to do was decide what people on TV wear.

So she printed herself two hundred business cards, sprayed them with perfume, and handed them out at parties. She got a few odd fashion designing jobs that way, but nothing substantial.

Finally, Samantha found a few influential men in the fashion world to throw herself at, and they put her in touch with the right people. Blah blah blah… now Samantha is picking out clothes for The View ladies. When she’s drunk, she cries.

That about brings us up to the other day, when Samantha’s artistic vision was superseded by the decisions of the shadowy artists who are cogs in Obama’s image-making machine, the Inner Sanctum of Mind-Manipulators!

Smash Samantha!

And smash her puppet-masters!

Long live the Republic!


Is Computer = I More Stupider?

Dear Readers,

The other night I heard this guy on the radio, (a guest on Coast to Coast AM with George Noory, to be precise) talking about how spending a lot of time on the computer affects your brain. He said long amounts of exposure to and interaction with the Internet re-wires your brain and sort of makes you ADD.

And I think I used to write longer, more well-developed things when I was in college and when I didn't spend so much time on the Internet.

Well, I’ve been spending a lot of time on the computer lately, and so I was just wondering - Gosh, I like goblins. I made tuna-nuna today. Yummers!

What was I saying?

Oh yeah, I remember. The guy on the radio. Yeah.

The guy on the radio said that when you read the news on a computer, it’s different than reading the news in a newspaper… on the Internet, you click on things, and there are bright flashy things, and you change subjects in your mind quickly so that eventually, it changes the anatomy of your brain, because your brain adapts so it can process the stimuli it receives. Um… maybe I’m being unclear, but I don’t have the patience to clarify my thoughts… go ask a brain expert about what I’m saying, if you’re so inclined… a brain expert with a patient mind.

Well, maybe the way Internet-users brains are changing isn’t a bad thing… maybe it’s just different.

But I just read headlines, headlines, headlines, and usually only the first few paragraphs of news articles, and I skim too much, and I’m in a rush to get on to the next thing, and I look at pictures, and I read the captions, and I watch short videos, and I read comments strangers leave on news articles, and I prefer the short comments because they’re short, and I read lots of the comments on You-Tube videos, and sometimes I think of clever comments to leave on news articles or on You-Tube videos or on blog posts, but by the time I get down to the business of actually writing my comments, I think of some other news story I want to read up on, or some other video I want to watch, or some other politician’s name I want to google, or I see some link somewhere that I just have to click on, or I think “Oh, why bother?” and sometimes in my lucid, unplugged moments, the words of Ecclesiastes come to my mind, “Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities: all is vanity.”

Like this stupid blog post I’m writing: why are you wasting your time reading it? Don’t you have better things to do? Shouldn’t you be reading the Scriptures, or some classic literature, or working, or spending quality time with loved ones?! Or if you don't have loved ones, shouldn't you be working on getting some loved ones?

Oh yeah, it’s true!

About the computer!

Making me dumber! Less attentive! Less concentrate-able! I can see it! I can feel it in my brain! Great literature sits on my bookshelf unread, a page in my journal goes blank another day, my friends go un-visited, even my prayers get unsaid, all because I can’t seem to muster the willpower to fight against the encroaching Internet-fog in my mind!

Let’s face it. I’ve become Gmork (the werewolf from The Neverending Story)

I am Gmork!

I can see the Nothing coming, and I don’t really like The Nothing, and I know The Nothing is very bad, and The Nothing destroys children’s dreams, but I just join The Nothing’s side anyway because of the dark lullaby The Nothing sings to me! I lay down in my dark cave. My green eyes glow. The mist covers me. I growl to myself, knowing that the racing snails are gone. It is a growl that hides myself from myself. I do not think of the racing snails. I only think of The Nothing. The wind howls and the rocks tumble to the disappearing land, and all I can do is follow Atreyu in an attempt to kill him.

I am Gmork!



Wednesday, July 28, 2010

More Arizona Political Things Again, Part Seventeen

Dear Readers,

Did you hear that Sarah Palin endorsed Dr. Paul Gosar for Representative of AZ CD 1? What's up with that? Why does Palin feel compelled to descend from her snow-throne in Wasilla to get involved in such a small Arizona race? And why did she pick Gosar? Why not Beauchamp?

I saw Bradley Beauchamp speak at a tea party rally on July 4th 2009 in Flagstaff, and I really liked him. And I endorse him!

But then Dr. Paul Gosar seems cool too. But then there's this Rusty Bowers, guy, too... hmm... Oh, and let's not forget Sydney Hay!

Ha ha ha, Sydney Hay. She's ran a few times before, I think. Well, I know she ran for Representative in 2008, and she won the Republican nomination, but she was beaten by the Democratic incumbent Ann Kirkpatrick.

But Sydney Hay... ha ha ha. She's so funny! I like the way she talks and writes and stuff. She's just a good old country gal. Check out this entertaining blog post she wrote about her campaign:

July 6th, 2010

It is a joy to campaign in the most beautiful (and nearly the biggest) Congressional district in America and it can be yummy, too! ...

We have invited voters and ended up with friends while sharing: cheese crisps at Rosa's Cantina in Williams, rootbeer floats on the porch in Prescott and at the park in Prescott Valley, pineapple upside-down cake at Coffee Mania in Show Low, cinnamon rolls at Crosswinds Restaurant in Payson, breakfast burritos at Joe and Aggies in Holbrook, tacos at Morenci Motel, bagels at the Manor House in Safford, breakfast at Mary's Cafe in Flagstaff, muffins at Jerona Java in Cottonwood and at CJ Diner in Cordes Junction, enchilada specials at La Casita in Globe and Casa Blanca Cafe in Winslow, and doughnuts in Camp Verde and at Java Chuckwagon in Chino Valley to name just some of the events we have had.

So, the only question is: Will I be able to zip up my jeans when the campaign is over ?!?!

Ha ha ha... Sydney Hay. She helps make America great!

I first saw Sydney Hay at a rodeo at the Coconino County Fairgrounds in Flagstaff, Arizona. She came out in wearing an adorable getup consisting of Wrangler mom-jeans, a pink country-fied blouse, and a gigantic white cowboy hat. And she said endearing stuff like, “We gotta defend our cowboy way of life, ya’ll! I just want to tell ya to keep those pick-up truck engines a-revvin' and keep those lassos a twirlin' 'cause we are gonna take this country back!”

Hay, Gosar, Beauchamp, and Bowers... all of them talk wonderfully about defending the Constitution and limiting government and securing the border, and blah blah blah... I think the race for Representative in CD 1 is a little more confusing than the race here in CD 6. Jeff Smith is the clear Constitutional conservative to vote for here. And down in the Sahuarita and Green Valley area I think Jesse Kelley is the best conservative candidate.

So... my advice is to ignore the Sarah Palin endorsement of Gosar. Remember that Sarah Palin also endorsed Carly Fiorinia, creator of the demon sheep ad, instead of Chuck DeVore.

Listen, I like Sarah Palin a lot. I think she's wonderful. To be honest, most of the tea-party guys I know have a celebrity crush on her. But I think Sarah Palin will better serve her country as a celebrity than as a politician. I think she should keep going on talk shows, and keep writing memoirs, kind of like Obama does, but I don't want to see her run for President in 2012.

Vote Bradley Beauchamp!

and Jeff Smith!

and Jesse Kelly!

and JD Hayworth!

and other conservative people!


Sheriff Paul Babeu!

Dear Readers,

Maybe you've seen Sheriff Paul Babeu on the news recently. He's been doing plenty of talk shows and news shows and other shows. He’s the Sheriff of Pinal County, Arizona, where I live. My neighbor said Babeu got elected because he campaigned to stop speeding photo enforcement from spreading from Maricopa County into Pinal County.

And from what I've seen of Sheriff Paul Babeu, I like him. I honor the sacrifice he's made for his country, I honor the sacrifice he makes for Pinal County. He seems like a much better man than I am, and let us all remember that Sheriff Paul and his brave men and women go out and put their lives on the line for us.

Remember the wise words of George Orwell: "People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."

That said, I have two pieces of advice for Sheriff Paul:

1] Endorse JD Hayworth instead of John McCain.

2] Grow some hair so you don't look like a white-power skinhead.


Friday, July 23, 2010

Applying to be a poll worker

Dear Readers,

I just hacked into some of the New Black Panther Party's files and I found this cover letter:

To Whom It May Concern:

I want to be a voting poll worker. I would be a good one because I strongly believe that I have all the right skills and personality to be very excellent. Like, I’m not professional at voting technology, but that won’t matter if you just let me do my plan. My plan is I’ll stand outside the polling place and brandish a billy club and I’ll give people really mean looks. (I’ll have a gun in my trench coat, too.) I think my plan will really help the voting be good. In the big picture. So can I be a poll worker or not?

Muhammad Al-Zakarishashilattamottawaw

Assistant to the Vice-Secretary of the New Black Panther Party

Ha ha ha!


Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Barry Hess! Ian Gilyeat!

Dear Readers,

Well, if you haven't heard, Buz Mills and Dean Martin both dropped out of the race for Arizona Governor. Now Jan Brewer is going to win for sure. Honestly, I don't know why we're bothering with a goober-natorial election anymore. Maybe we ought to forgo the expensive formalities and automatically annoint Jan Brewer as the new Governor. Heck, she's already the Governer anyway.

So... since the goober-natorial election is already settled, I think I'm going to use my vote to make a statement, which is thus: "Libertarians are kind of cool."

Yep, I'm going to vote for the crazy Libertarian, Barry Hess. Ha ha ha. Hess owes tens of thousands of dollars to the IRS, I think. (But tax evasion or fraud doesn't disqualify one for public service- just look at some of Obama appointees!)

And Barry Hess makes his campaign signs look like road signs, which is kind of edgy... Hess is stickin' it to the man. Ha ha ha.

Yeah, there's no way Hess is going to win, but I appreciate him. He's for drastically smaller government, lower taxes, less laws, less regulation, etc. I think he's fiscally conservative and socially liberal, like Ron Paul but even more extreme.

As for the question of whether the guy could actually govern well, like Chris Christie, I doubt it. Barry Hess doesn't seem like the type of guy who could get the state Congress on board with his ideas.

Barry Hess for Governor!

I'm sort of interested in people who campaign for offices when they've got to know that they have no chance of winning. In a way I admire them. And in a way I don't admire them.

I'm thinking about Barry Hess, who is running for Governor, Richard Grayson, who is running for Representative, and Ian Gilyeat, who is running for Senator. I'm going to vote for JD Hayworth because, realistically, he has a shot at defeating the liberal John McCain. But I actually would prefer Ian Gilyeat. (I work with Ian Gilyeat's daughter at Severtson Corporation. Isn't that neat?)

Why do third party candidates bother running for office? Are they delusional? Are they making a statement? I'd like to know.

See you later.


Monday, July 19, 2010

My record player! And some of my records!

Dear Readers,

This is my record player. I got it for Christmas of 2006, or maybe it was the Christmas of 2005. It's a Crosley Stack-O-Matic. The Stack-O-Matic just means that it lets you play one side of up to 5 records without having to get up. Even though my record player may look like it was made in the 1960's or 1970's, it was actually recently manufactured. It was just designed to look vintage.

Some of you may not realize that new record players and records are still being made. Even though 8-tracks, cassette tapes, CDs and mp3's have been invented and popularized since records came around, the record medium is still surviving. I'm not exactly sure why records have still survived and yet 8-tracks have gone the way of the dodo bird. Mp3's are definitely the most convienent and cheap way to store and re-play recorded sound. There's some people that claim that records actually sound better than CDs and mp3's. And I think there actually is a smoothness in the sound of a record that you don't get with digitally encoded music. With records, the music is physically put into these tiny little grooves on the record, and when the needle scratches over the tiny grooves and bumps, the sound comes out.

But if you want to listen to music with the volume down, CDs sound better. A record player (at least my record player, anyway) has some ambient humming noise whenever it's on that never goes away. And records have some scratchy sounds and some pops when the record is just a little bit scratched. So you can hear that annoying stuff when you listen to a record queitly. But if you want to listen to music loud, then maybe records sound better than CDs and mp3's. I don't know.

If I had a lot of money, I would buy a whole bunch of nice new cool records of musicians that I really like. I've seen lots of cool records at Bookman's and at Amoeba Music in Hollywood and at Zia, but most of the cool ones are over 10 dollars.

My finances being what they are, I get a lot of my records from the discount racks at music stores, or from thrift stores. I've gotten the vast majority of my records from The White Elephant, a wonderful thrift store in Green Valley, Arizona. They sell records there for a dime each! You can't beat that price. Most other thrift stores sell records for a quarter or 50 cents or more.

But wait! Before you go out shopping for records of your favorite musicians at your local thrift store, be forewarned: Most of the records at thrift stores are going to be lame. Like, really really lame. We're talking Perry Como lame.

But after you sift through all the lameness, you find some real treasures. Here are some of the treasures that I've found and taken home:

Pavarotti is so incredible. I have him singing that funny Figero Figero song and also O Holy Night, and a bunch of other cool ones. His music kind of reminds me of Bugs Bunny. It's fun to try to sing along to, when no one else is around. Unless you can sing opera- then it's fun to sing along to when lots of people are around. I don't usually dig opera. Opera is usually for fuddy-duddies and snobs. But I saw a real opera once. It was Cosi Fon Tuti by Mozart. Well, it was a student production at Northern Arizona University. I was bored out of my mind. I couldn't understand it because it was in Italian. And it was three hours long. But Pavarotti rocks. And Paul Potts is pretty cool, too.

Bolero by Ravel. All I can say is mmmmmmmmmmm...

Rhapsody in Blue by George Gershwin. If you haven't heard this, you need to. Trust me.

Montana Slim sings a lot of old-old-time country music that I adore. And he yodles a lot. He does a great version of You are my sunshine on this record.

Remember Harry Belafonte? He's cool. Sometimes his music gets old, but doesn't everybody's music get old now and then? Thank goodness there's lots of music out there!

Fiddler on the Roof might be my favorite musical of all time.

I really like the Kingston Trio. They were part of the American folk music revival scene in the 1960s.
I took a chance on this Leo Sayer record because I thought the album cover was outrageous. And taking a chance isn't very chancey when records cost a dime. I'm glad I picked it up, because I actually really like the music. I mostly like the song that goes, "You make me feel like dancing. I want to dance the night away!"

This is the record sleeve insert thing that came with Leo Sayer's Endless Flight record. It's the little paper-pocket thing that helps protect records from getting scratched. I included a picture of it here because, well, just look at it! Doesn't it crack you up? In case you're wondering, that's a green airplaine he's got pinned to his suspenders. Leo Sayer is soooooo intense!

This one's a gem. The 2001: A Space Odyssey soundtrack. My wife got me this from Bookman's for one of my birthdays a few years back, if I'm not mistaken. 2001: A Space Odyssey might be my favorite movie. I remember renting it from Green Valley Video about 4 times when I was a teenager. Then I finally got my own VHS copy of it. The soundtrack has great classical music. It's kind of creepy sometimes. I remember there's a CD version of this soundtrack with a lot of Hal 9000's dialogue. Very creepy. Very good.

Legend! Bob Marley's Greatest Hits! On Record!! Can you believe I found this album at The White Elephant for a dime?! The old folks at the thrift store who sort through the incoming merchandise must not have realized that they could have made a lot more money off of this record. I was so happy when I found it, and I was so happy when I brought it home and I was so happy when I listened to it. Of course, I had already owned Bob Marley's Greatest Hits on CD, but still...
Funny story about this record, though. Most of the songs are altered. Um, it's hard to explain, but this record sounds different than the Bob Marley's Greatest Hits album you would buy from a music store or from iTunes today. A lot of the songs have an added backdrop beat to them. It's like the people who marketed this music to America were this trying to make it more palpable to American audiences who were used to synthsizers and keyboards and faster, pop-music beats. I've had some Bob Marley fans listen to it and they say they've never heard the songs that way.
Hey, I think I just figured out this mystery. I looked on the record package and I saw asterisks after some of the song titles, and in small print at the bottom it says, "remixed by Eric Thorngren." Well, honestly, I think Eric Thorngren should have left Bob Marley's masterpieces alone.
(Say that reminds me, The White Elephant is also where I got one of the best albums I've ever owned- Homework by Daft Punk, on cassette tape. All the cars I've ever had -all two of them- have only had tape decks, so I like to keep a few cassette tapes laying around the car. I must have listened to Homework by Daft Punk a bazillion times as I was driving across the beautiful Arizona desert. I'm not really into techno music, except for Daft Punk. They're awesome.)
Have I ever told you how much I love the Jews?

Whenever my wife is mad at me, I just crank up track # 4 from "If you love me... let me know" by Olivia Newton-John. It's the ultimate love-ballad of all ultimate love-ballads, I honestly love you. Ha ha ha. Then we return to marital bliss, and whatever happened between us is OK again. I first heard that song at Camp Raymond Boy Scout Camp, in a hot RV, when I listened to KAHM 102.1 FM, an lovely old-fogey type of radio station broadcasting out of Prescott, Arizona. When I found this record in a thrift store in Payson, Arizona, and I saw that it had I honestly love you on it, I just had to get it. (By the way, it's true that one of the advantages of CD's and mp3's is that you can jump through tracks with the push of a button. But you can also skip tracks on records, too. It just requires a little more skill and effort. You have to count the number of thick grooves on a record that indicate song breaks. Then you have to manually move the needle to the right groove. Be careful, though, not to have jittery hands- you might scratch the record.)

Barry Manilow is lame. Ha ha ha. But I must admit that sometimes I find myself singing along to "Oh Mandy, you came and you gave without taking, but I sent you away! Oh Mandy!" Ha ha ha. Just look how smug he is.

Here's another shameful record I own. The Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack. It will probably be left behind when the Rapture comes, but I really like it. I'm just a sweet transvestite... ha ha ha!
A Treasury of Gregorain Chant sung by the monks of the abbey of St. Thomas. Beautiful music. It's a cappella, with some organ solos thrown in. I'm listening to it now, and it's just beautiful. I really like old Catholic singing and chanting. It's good for meditation and it's good for feeling religious. Sometimes on my way home from work at 10:30 at night, when I'm driving on the 60, and I'm driving on Ironwood, I listen to 1310 a.m., Immaculate Heart Radio, a Catholic station, and every once in a while they play this chanting type of a cappella music. But then other times 1310 a.m. has a priest saying Hail Marys over and over and over, vainly and repetitiously, and it drives me nuts. It's funny, with all that repetition... at first I kind of like it, and I think it takes a lot of discipline to say those words over and over, and I think it's good to say prayers like that because after a while it really gets inside your soul, and the words to the prayer are beautiful. But then I'm reminded why I prefer the style of prayer in the latter-day-saint tradition of worship.

It's the Juno Soundtrack on record! And the record is ORANGE!!! I got this record from one of my wife's old co-workers who accidently ordered two of these records from So she gave one to me, since I was probably the only person she knew who had a record player. And I think the Juno soundtrack is a great. Sometimes its teenage outsider-angst is obnoxious, but other times I really like it. I welcome it into the world. The Juno soundtrack deserves its own place on music store shelves everywhere. And what makes it extra cool is that it's orange. But it's not quite as cool as this red heart-shaped record of the groovalicious single Just Ain't Gonna Work Out by Mayer Hawthorne. I wish I had that record. I have that song on my iPod, though, and it's really happening.
I've got a lot of other cool records.
And I have a lot of other records.
Ha ha ha. I think I have over a hundred, but I haven't counted.

P. S. Does anyone know how to play a record backwards? I've fiddled with my record player a little, but I can't figure it out. I really want to know, because I've heard you can get secret Satanic messages and killer vegetarian recipes that way.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Joseph McCarthy Was a Swell Guy

Dear Readers,

Remember how you learned in school about McCarthyism?

Remember how you learned all about McCarthyism from The Crucible, and Good Night and Good Luck, and Julie and Julia and all those other wonderful plays and books and movies?

Remember how you learned that during the 1950s, the nefarious Senator Joseph McCarthy went on a witch-hunt for Communists in the Government and in Hollywood and in practically everywhere else? Remember how McCarthy and his minions blacklisted and censored and harassed thousands of artists, academics and free-thinkers?

Well, I’ve got news for you. What you learned in school was wrong. The vast majority of books and plays and movies about McCarthyism are dumb.

Joseph McCarthy was a swell guy, and he did a good job. And that’s the truth.

Violent communists and Soviet Spies were a real threat to American national security during the Cold War. There really were Communists trying to destroy the USA from the inside!

And to put things into perspective, recall that Senator McCarthy wasn’t as harsh as Captain Moroni and the Nephites in the Book of Mormon were. Maybe he should have been.

Alma 62: 9 + 10

“9. And the men of Pachus [Pachus = a bad guy, like Joseph Stalin] received their trial, according to the law, and also those king-men [king-men = bad people, like Communists] who had been taken and cast into prison; and they were executed according to the law; yea, those men of Pachus and those king-men, whosoever would not take up arms in the defense of their country, but would fight against it, were put to death.

“10. And thus it became expedient that this law should be strictly observed for the safety of their country; yea, and whosever was found denying their freedom was speedily executed according to the law.”

Thanks for reading. Have a nice night, or day, or afternoon, or whatever.


P.S. This blog post was inspired by Ann Coulter’s excellent book Treason: Liberal Treachery from the Cold War to the War on Terrorism.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Some news today

Dear Readers,

I check the Drudge Report almost everyday. I don’t know if that’s an unhealthy obsession, or if I’m being a good citizen and staying informed. Here are a few cool articles I found today:

First article:

Remember how there was a big fight about whether or not abortion was covered by tax dollars in Obamacare? Well, in case some of us are unclear about the issue, this article shows that yes, abortion is part of Obamacare. Obamacare needs to be repealed, and it needs to be replaced with a health care system that’s more in line with free-market principles. Here’s a video explaining why:

Second article:

Here’s an article from the Wall Street Journal about how the financial regulation bill working its way through Congress could hurt the farming industry.

I didn’t really understand the article. (Did I ever tell you that I wished I had taken some business or economics classes in college? Maybe it’s wrong that I spent most of my higher education playing drama improvisation games and learning about gender inequality.)

But the point of the article is that the new laws, if enacted, will probably hurt the farming industry, and the price of food will go up. If nothing else, farmers will have to hire a bunch of accountants and lawyers to make sure that they are complying with all the new rules. By the way, I just read a wonderful book called The Death of Common Sense: How Law is Suffocating America by Phillip K. Howard. That book blew me away. I highly recommend it.

That article reminded me of another article I read about some local news here in the Queen Creek/San Tan Valley area.

An old farmer is selling a bunch of his land to real estate developers. He says a big reason he and his family are getting out of the farming business is all the hassling government regulations. Here’s a few paragraphs copied and pasted from that article:

Julie Murphree of the Arizona Farm Bureau said other challenges facing farming families are the sometimes overwhelming regulations from federal agencies, such as the Environmental Protection Agency, the United States Department of Agriculture and the Food and Drug Administration.

She said the paperwork alone can be burdensome.

Newell said the regulations have made the work more difficult.

"It kind of takes the fun out of farming when you have so many regulations and so many things that you have to report on and so many involvements," he said.

The same thing is happening down in the Sahuarita/Green Valley area, where I grew up. A family who has owned the world’s largest pecan orchard for generations is selling most of it to make way for more housing subdivisions. I don’t blame them for selling. They can make a lot more money with less hassle by selling the land than they could by harvesting pecans.

Selling farms seems sad to me somehow. But I suppose it's not sad, in the grand scheme of things. I believe that the Earth will one day burn when Jesus Christ returns, and one day "the Earth will be renewed and recieve its paradisiacal glory." And my wife and I are the benefactors of some farmer who sold his land to housing developers. A neighbor told me that the little plot of land on which my home stands used to be a field of alfalfa.

And to end on a happy note, here’s my favorite story from the Drudge Report today:

Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are back together! And they’re going to get married! Really soon!
Bristol wants Levi to wear a camouflage vest to the wedding. Isn’t that funny? I like Bristol Palin. Heck, I like the whole Palin family! Todd Palin is a championship snowmobile racer and Sarah Palin is a moose-hunting beauty queen!!!

If America had a royal family, I would vote on the Palins being our royal family, because they're so much fun!

Hooray! I wish Bristol and Levi well. I hope they have a long and happy life together, and I think they will. They’ve had a rocky start, but let’s all forgive them and send them positive mind-beams.


Saturday, July 10, 2010

Jeff Smith! Again! Part Two!

Dear Readers,

Would you put your daughter in a beauty contest? Probably not, huh? Why? Because beauty contests are vain and lame, right? Well, guess who subjected his own daughter to a beauty contest, and then missed the really really really important cap-and-trade vote just to go support his daughter’s fickle habit?

Jeff Flake!

Do you support border security and enforcing our immigration laws? Do you side with most Americans – over 70% - who think that SB 1070 is pretty much awesome? Well, guess who hates SB 1070?

Jeff Flake!

Are you tired of incumbents who have hung around in office forever and have never really had a real job and who plan on making politics their life-long career? Well guess who’s been hanging around college or non-profits or politics since… um… forever?!

You guessed it-

Jeff Flake!

In contrast, we have a real conservative candidate running against Jeff Flake, and that’s Jeff Smith.

Jeff Smith supports SB 1070, he’s had a long and successful career in the private sector, and he doesn’t subject his daughters to beauty contests!

And just check out this commercial one of Jeff Smith's supporters has put together! It's awesomely fantastic and completely super!

Vote Jeff Smith!


Friday, July 9, 2010

Steve Smith!

Dear Readers,

Remember when I learned about the liberal Democrat Rebecca Rios, my state senator here in legislative district 23? Well, she's up for re-election this November, and thank goodness there's a good alternative to Rebecca.

His name is Steve Smith (no relation to Jeff Smith) and he's tough on border security, pro-SB 1070, pro-life, pro-traditional marriage, anti-tax, anti-wasteful spending, endorsed by Sheriff Joe Arpaio... um... um... and so many other wonderful conservative things!

He's got my vote!

Does he have yours?

By the way, if you live in Arizona and you don't know who your state representatives or state senators are, just click on this link and find out! You just have to enter your address and then it will tell you who your elected officals are.

And I'm not one of those people that's going to make you feel bad about not having a clue about who your state representatives are or what they're up to. Most people have no idea. And I didn't know anything about state representatives and senators up until a few months ago, and I still don't know very much about them.

And then there's all those other political offices I have no idea about, like corporation commissioner and constable. What the heck do those people do?

Sigh, that is a question to be answered in another blog post.


Thursday, July 8, 2010

Thanks Florence!

Dear Readers,

Remember how San Tan Valley was thinking about incorporating? Well, I thought we were going to vote on the issue this November, but it turns out that we won't be.

The city of Florence said we couldn't even vote on the issue.

See, in order for an unicorporated community in Arizona to become a city, all municpalities within 6 miles of the proposed borders have to give their permission. And Florence, a city in Pinal County AZ within 6 miles of San Tan Valley's proposed southern border, did not give their permission. Florence said no chiefly because they would lose about a million bucks in state-shared revenue.

I just learned about state-shared revenue, too. From my understanding, the money from Arizona state taxes go into one big pot, and then the money gets redistributed to the cities and towns. Well, if San Tan Valley became a city, it would be entitled to a slice of the state-shared revenue pie, thus effectively taking pie away from all the other municipalities in Arizona.

Anyway, the bottom line is that the Florence city council voted no and San Tan Valley can't become a city anytime soon.


I'm happy about the news for the reasons I already wrote about at the other end of this link.

What's funny is that lots of letters to the editor were published about the subject, a lot of public debate went on, political groups were formed, websites for and against were set up, signatures were gathered, surveys were taken and polls were conducted, but the Florence city council, in one swift motion, put an end to all that hubbub.

Now, I should add that I'm not totally on board with the reason Florence voted no. Florence just wanted more money from the government. In effect, Florence residents are taking money from San Tan Valley residents. Maybe something should be done about that. Maybe some laws should be changed. I don't know.

The same type of redistribution of wealth happens on the national level as well as the state level and the local level. It even happens a little bit on the global level, through the United Nations and foriegn aid.

As long as this type of redistribution of wealth continues, there will be people fighting for a bigger cut of the tax funds. Randy Lockner, the Citizens for San Tan Valley Incorporation and the Florence city council, are just the latest examples of people fighting for a bigger slice of government pie.


So I think I do wish that San Tan Valley residents could vote on the issue of incorporation- it seems unfair that Florence, which has a population of 10,000 can tell San Tan Valley, which has a population of 80,000, that it can't vote on becoming a city. But then I wish that San Tan Valley residents would vote no on incorporation. Does that make sense?

I bet the Citizens for San Tan Valley Incorporation's next plan is to hire a bunch of lawyers and lobbyists.


Tuesday, July 6, 2010

AZ Gubernatorial People Doing Things

Dear Readers,

All these people are putting up signs that say vote for me for Governor for Arizona. And commercials too. Radio commercials, TV commercials…

people don't read position papers or political books or listen to long speeches and debates very much.


I’ve seen the signs and all these people want to be the governor.

Well, they put up the signs, anyway.

Well you know what I think about that? I like Dean Martin a lot and I like Buz Mills a lot, too. I kind of like Jan Brewer but I think she’s brewing up some bad brew-ha-ha. Brew-ha-ha like BIGGER TAXES!!

I think Dean Martin is very smart and he’s good at cutting taxes and cutting government spending. Too bad Dean Martin looks like a nerd. And too bad Dean Martin doesn’t have millions and millions of dollars to spend on his own campaign.

Buz Mills, on the other hand, doesn’t look nerdy. He looks really tough, in fact. And he has lots of money to spend on his campaign.

But then again, maybe Dean Martin would be a better Governor. He seems like a solid guy.

Too bad Jan Brewer will probably win. That’s what the polls say, anyway.

But I don’t think Brewer’s a real conservative. I think she only signed SB 1070 into law because the polls said that that’s what she needed to do to get re-elected. But really deep down inside Jan Brewer, deep within the darkness of Jan Brewer’s thumping heart, there lies a cheerleading, country-club republican!!!

But who should I vote for? Buz Mills or Dean Martin?

If only Buz Mills and Dean Martin would agree to become conjoined twins… then they could both run as one candidate, you know? Then I could vote for them/him.

They/he could blend their names, too. They/he could be known as Duz Milton.

The surgery would only be a little bit of a snip snip snip and a little bit of stitch stitch stich.

Or maybe Buz Mills and Dean Martin could undergo a metaphysical mind-meld. And then once their minds are melded, it would be like a blob of mind floating around, you know?

Then the blob of mind would descend upon an attractive corpse. Then the corpse would come to life and we could call it Duz Milton and we could vote for the corpse, you know what I mean? Then the corpse would lead Arizona into a bright new future of utopia. We would all feel wonderful all the time. It would all be just like John Lennon's "Imagine" song, except less hippie. And here's the best part: with Duz Milton at the helm, celestial exhaltation would be guaranteed to all.



Those crazy tea party people

Dear Readers,

I really like being a conservative Republican tea-party type of guy. I look at pictures about politics a lot, so I know a lot about politics, and I shot a gun this past weekend, and that makes me feel like a swell guy.

I have something to offer, you know? Like, I can be the nice neighborhood political person...

But some tea-party people are really weird, like the guy who wrote this blog post over a year ago. I've copied and pasted it here.

There is a MASSIVE plan underway to divide and conquer the people, to cause a civil war. They are trying to cause Depopulation (through casualties, our dead bodies), Government Loyalty, the NAU, [telemoonfa's note: NAU stands for North American Union] a massive government, and the New World Order.

First I believe we are heading for a civil war, and Obama will make it happen when the money has been spent. Obama is the anti-Lincoln. Both were from Illinois, and both were 1st time senators with little experience. Obama even tried to take the oath of office on Lincoln’s Bible as if to prove the point of the link, but that’s where it ends. Lincoln set the slaves free, but Obama wants to enslave us all. Lincoln kept the Union together, but Obama is dividing it up.

The war will look like this. First they will spend the money till they default the currency. Next, after the riots for food and gas, he will declare martial law and suspend Congress. States will decide not to send any money to the Federal Government, people will stop paying taxes to the Federal government. Obama will suspend certain State legislatures and the people will openly defy the Federal government. Obama will send in the military from foreign sources. Groups of States will combine to fight them, along with the populace. The war will last five to ten years. After the war, the States will strip the federal government of most of it’s power and a number of state blocks will rotate the presidency thereafter. The war will not be pretty. The liberalists and Obamanites who live in the cities will be favored so that protection zones will be erected around those cities. The rest of the nation will be against the major cities.

The guy sounds crazy, doesn't he? He is crazy, right?


I just want to make it clear that I'm sensible and electable. And most of the people I endorse are also sensible and electable.


Thursday, July 1, 2010

The Evolution of Queen Creek

Dear Readers,

There’s an absolutely adorable blog I love to read called The Evolution of Queen Creek. The writer has a really friendly tone, there are lots of neat pictures, and it has just such a great charm and a nice vibe. The blog mostly appeals to people living in, or at least familiar with, Queen Creek and San Tan Valley, but people from far away could enjoy the blog too.

Some of the posts are really charming and funny, like this post about the Franken-poles.

The blog helps me too look on the bright side of life. I don’t know the author of The Evolution of Queen Creek in real life, but I really like the web persona she has created. I can tell she has a lot of hometown pride. Maybe I’ve walked past her in the grocery store… hmmm…

Anyway, the subject matter of the blog has flirted with politics in the past, but the author never really devoted a lot of time to the subject, until 4 days ago when she did this post.

I left a comment on it, which is copied and pasted here.

I read your blog and I really like it. I've lived in San Tan Valley for a year. (I got a cheap foreclosed home near Ironwood and Ocotillo. But it’s a nice home.) I like seeing the pictures you've taken and reading about how Queen Creek/San Tan Valley has grown over the past few years.

Your question, "Do you feel that illegal immigration lessens your chances of employment," is a good one. I’ve talked about illegal immigration a lot before, and I’ve heard politicians talking about it a lot, but I’ve never been asked that question quite like that before.

My answer is yes, illegal immigration does lessen my chances for employment, because illegal immigration makes the economy worse, and when the economy is bad, fewer people want to start businesses or grow businesses or hire people. As politically incorrect as this may be, the truth is that illegal immigrants are a drain on social services, including hospitals, welfare, jails and schools.

But I don’t buy the simplistic argument that illegal immigrants are taking all our jobs. That argument presupposes that like there are a limited amount of jobs available, and once they’ve all been taken, there aren’t any more. (Though I know it may seem that way when you’re one of 50 people going for the same job opening)

I believe that prosperity is not a zero sum game. (I had to look up “zero sum game”, and this is the definition: "a situation or interaction in which one participant's gains result only from another's equivalent losses.") So I do not believe that because I got a job recently, I took that job away from somebody else. There are plenty of jobs out there! Ronald Reagan said "We have so many people who can't see a fat man standing beside a thin one without coming to the conclusion that the fat man got that way by taking advantage of the thin one!" Reagan’s point is that every one can be fat! And my point is that every one can get a job! Not everyone can have their dream job, and there may be periods of unemployment, but generally speaking, all able-bodied and sound-minded people in America can find employment if they just try hard enough and have faith.

So, I believe that the amount of available jobs should grow as a population grows.

So in theory, more jobs should be created as more people move to Arizona, either by birth or by migration. The people just have to educate themselves, start up businesses, and work hard. But the reality is that a lot of illegal immigrants in Arizona don’t have a ton of schooling or speak English. And since they often work under the table and are scared of talking to police officers, they kind of live on the margins of society… what I’m trying to say is, I don’t think that an illegal immigrant is as likely to build a businesses and create jobs as someone who was born and raised in Arizona and speaks English and has a college degree.

But I also want to add that I have great respect for the Hispanic people, and I when I don’t get a job I’m looking for, I don’t think, “it’s those illegal immigrants!” These days when I don’t get a job I think, “It’s those danged politicians in the Obama administration!” Or maybe I think, “It’s my own lack of skills and preparation.”

OK, I have to go to bed.

P.S. I support Sheriff Joe and Russell Pearce and Jeff Smith and JD Hayworth.